Am I depressed, sick in the head, or just going through a phase?

Question

I'm eighteen now, I graduated from high school but now I'm feeling like a failure. I have to honestly say I hate my father, he's definitely not the best and seems to only support us with money, he's living in the household but shuts us out, he's done it all his life.

My mother is obsessed with the idea that our money troubles are excuses for my father to leave us broke while he spends money as he pleases. I understand she cares for me, but sometimes I wish her and my father left me the **** alone. She's criticized my sister for being a L*****n behind her back, in turn that's caused me to resent and hate my sister for who she is. My mother also manipulated me into hating my father by saying he doesn't care for us at all. I believe her.

All that has done is caused me to resent and hate her too.

My brother is separated with his almost 3 year-old daughter, a wife who in my family's eyes is not trying hard enough to be a good mother and a wife. She seems to cause my brother a lot of frustration, which I've noticed at times can also be inconsiderate of people's feelings. His daughter seems to be heading down the wrong road already, she's very defiant and persistent when we tell her she's doing something wrong.

My brother, father and other people often tell me that marriage just means "game over", and I often believe life is only meant test how much bullshit one can take. I'm afraid I'll turn into my father when he was growing up; an alcoholic who feels disconnected with everyone and even himself. I'm afraid I'll live alone.

I barely know my father, but my sister is more of a stranger to me. I feel slightly bad for telling her not to criticize things she doesn't understand. She can be very critical, very very critical. I try to be happy for her engagement but now I want to protest it on the day of her wedding. Only because my mother and father will be heart-broken. (They grew up in a catholic-based family, g*y marriage doesn't ride well with my parents.)

Overall, I feel like I'm no better than any of them. I do have a loving girlfriend who cares for me but I feel I can't have an honest relationship. I smoke weed, and drink. But to her I'm as sober as a bird. I have few but very dependable friends and yet I think about killing myself at times because there seems to be no end to this merry-go-round bullshit I like to call life.

I truly believe I'm probably a schizophrenic because I'm easily manipulated and I find it hard to cope with minor problems. I don't know if I'm still going through that little puberty phase or I'm just frustrated that we had to move away around four years ago. Can anyone tell me if they agree or just think I should go ahead and off myself?

Be honest, even if you're answer is a joke.

Answer 1

Sweetie, you know, it really sounds like your family has alot of problems and I am sorry that they are all sucking you into their own problems...Now that you are 18 though, is there a way, do you have the means to get out and get a place of your own...??? I honestly think that the sooner you are away from all of the craziness, the calmer and more relaxed that you are going to be.You sound to be a very sweet young man, someone who has his head on straight. I agree with the previous poster who said that you need to start thinking and getting your family stiuation straight in your own mind. They are your family, you can not change that. Try to accept them for who they are and for where they are at ....You may not know all of the reasons that parents and family members act the way they do...But try to love them as best you can, and then, move on. You have one very positive in your life and that is your girlfriend and your friends. Hang on to them...They will be your best support through this all. And, no, I don't think that you are schizophrenic just because you have difficulty coping. Family problems are the hardest problems of all to handle, because they are there up close and personal and you have to see it and live it every day....I do find that you could use a boost of self-esteem and confidence in yourself though...Start by giving yourself some positive affirmations and do not listen to the negativity when it pops up in your mind....Replace those negative thoughts with more positive self-talk. Sweetie, it is not always going to be like this, difficult like this, once you get out on your own into the world and spread your wings, things will start to look up for you....When you can finally make your own choices and feel good about yourself, things will change for you. I truly believe that...In the mean time, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and I wish only good things for your future my friend((((HUGS))))...Linda XXXOOOXXX

Answer 2

what you should do is just go to college far away somewhere or just leave for a while. you are 18 so there is no reason to have to stay anywhere you dont feel comfortable.

Answer 3

I don't think your sick in the head or depressed.  Life has it's ups and downs, and right now your going through the "downs" part of it.  Find something positive around you and cling to it.  This will help you to lift yourself out of this.  Don't let everyone else's problems effect you.  

Answer 4

not everything is a phase. some things are just you, and are what you make them to be, and not everybody goes through them. no, you arent sick in the head, you are just taking life the best way you can, just like everybody else. as for being depressed, only you can tell me that. if you think, honestly think you are depressed, then you will be. and, honestly, i think the real reason you asked this question wasnt to get an answer, but to vent to an unseen person. i understand. i really do. but i will answer the rest of the questions anyway, because sometimes we all need reassurances. i dont know why you hate your father so badly, but apparently, he is dealing with his life how he knows to. subconsciously, we all do things the way we think would preserve us or keep us safe and sane. it doesnt always work, but that is what we do. i dont know why your mother thinks the way she does, and, we arent likely to find out either. my mother is under dillusions that the world will work her way or not at all. she also thinks the world should bend to her wishes, just because she wishes them to be so. i cant change the way she or your mother thinks, but i have learned when to know when i should take what my mother says seriously or not. i have gotton used to the fact that you cant win every battle, but you can keep from dying in a battle you know you cant win. honestly, i dont see why your mother would be so upset about your sister being L*****n. it is a personal choice, just like religion. if she is going to do it, whether your mother likes it or not, it wont help your mother to make her daughter mad. i am not L*****n, nor do i have any wish to be, but as long as a L*****n isnt trying to tell me that i have to be L*****n, it is okay. i dont have to like it, but that doesnt mean i should tell them it is wrong. if you love your sister, then what difference should it make to you if she is L*****n? she is still your sister, and always will be. just because she is L*****n doesnt make her a bad person. (i am trying to answer your questions in the order they are presented to me) you mother has told you that your father doesnt care for you? why dont you try taking your own opinions for things, rather than hers? right or wrong isnt the point. it is where you got the opinion that makes the difference. make up your own mind, dont let someone else do it for you. why do you insist on so much hate in your life? not everything has to be as bad as you make it out to be. your perception of life can change as soon as you see past what is obvious, and see what is hidden under the veil. again, i cannot tell you exactly what to do or what to think, and i dont want to. nothing will be worth the same amount if you got it without getting it yourself. so, about your brother, i am sorry for him. my brother and his now ex... ohhh, i hated her so bad.... it was his choice to marry her, and no, i didnt particularly like her too much, but he is my brother, and i will support him. she was not the best person, but i do think she would have been an okay mother... yeah, your brother probably would get a little frustrated, but please, yet again, think for yourself, not what your family says to think. as for the almost 3yr old, she IS going through a stage. she will be defiant, and will want to do things her own way. you guys just have to be the adults, and let her be independent, but make sure she knows that you are the adults. you dont have to believe everything you hear about marrige, especially the parts from people who have bad or had bad marriges. they arent all fun and games, but there are perks too. you shouldt be afraid of what you will turn into. other people should, but not you.  you are the only person who can change your future. dont worry about what you can make happen or not happen. just because you dont know your sister doesnt mean you shouldnt. a sister is a person, whom at times you may not get along with, but an indespensible part of you. WHY! why would you want to do that to your sister? just because your parents dont agree with it doesnt mean you need to emarrass her that way. honestly, how would you feel to be told by your sibling, on the day of your wedding, that she thought it was a bad thing, and that it was wrong?! just because your parents believe one thing doesnt mean that you cant have your own thoughts and opinions. and, it doesnt mean that your parents are always right. think for yourself! and, yes, apparently, you are better than them. you are questioning what you do and dont do, what you should and shouldnt do. you do have a conscious, you just dont use it all the time. as for the weed and drinking, i am sure you have heard this, but you shouldnt. it is bad for you and your health. drinking is okay in moderation, but not constant. i know, this sounds like a typical 13 yr old, but at least i can think before i speak. yeah, you probably wont be able to have an honest relationship if you keep going the way you are going, but you

Answer 5

i didnt read you post but you helped me so il say this, oh and im assuming its you family thats driving you nuts

first off, you have a girlfriend, if i had that all my stress would go away

second i hate my family too, they are why i ma who i am (the bad part) so what keeps me going is that fact that ill stay at a university in 2 years, and i assume ill live alone afterward...so 2 years for me, as for you, hopefully you do well in school otherwise theres no meaning to life

Answer 6

well, this is a sad answer for a sad life. but the girlfriend + the alcohol + the weed is probably a good means of escapism from this bs. every day i become more like your father, you don't necessaraly have to.

Answer 7

Clearly it seems counseling should be in order for you. I went through the mental health process this year and medication can help or it can be detrimental depending on how well you are diagnosed. webmd is a very good site for you to use to check your symptoms. best of luck to you.

Answer 8

Listen to me, and listen to me hard. You are not sick in the head, nor is this a phase. You're eighteen now, and all throughout those eighteen years your mother has manipulated you into something like herself, hasn't she? Almost like she tried to keep you from thinking for yourself and deciding for yourself what is right and wrong.

But you have to let go now...It's time that you realize that you are you and your mother is your mother. Sit down and really think for yourself, think about your father. Do you really hate him? Do you think he did this for a reason? Whatever you chose is what you think. Then think about your sister, and all homosexuals in general. Do you have a problem with it? Yes or no? I'm not asking are you a homosexual or would you ever date a man. But do you have an issue with those who do? Just sit down and go over the issues that you've mentioned here about your family and such. Leaving your mother out of the whole thing because she obviously is poison to you.

As for your girlfriend.You have to learn to be honest. Because lying just gets you in a whole lot of trouble that's even more stressful.

Tell her, tell her everything. It'll feel a whole lot better if you just tell her instead of hiding secrets from her...

Good luck with all of this and if you need a bit more guidance feel free to email me:

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