Am I doing the right thing.. 2nd child.. dif father?

Question

I have a 9 (birthday today!) yr old son to a previous relationship. i was young and the relationship didn't work out. i met my husband 3yrs ago and things have been full steam ahead. I am now 8wks pregnant. this is the road i wanted to travel down.. but i can't help but think is it going to work out?? Am i going to end up alone with having to raise this one as well? My husband is showing a lot of signs of dismissing my son. Its like he has given up and is now using him to take out his frustrations. He doesnt hit him but tells him what to do all the time to run after him and then gets up him for not following instructions correctly. I dont know if i can take this much longer before i do my lolly at him and with that i fear it could end ugly. I say things along the way about name calling and telling him he's stupid and stuff has to stop. He walked out this morning without saying happy birthday to him so its starting to affect me a lot this morning. I dont know whether to have an abortion, pick my stuff up and move out now before it gets worse or if he is going to want to change just a little to make this a more peacefull home. i dont want him favouring his child over mine, so to speak.. has anyone been in this situation and survived ?

Answer 1

from experience if he is treating ur son this way now it will ONLY get worse once the other babe is born. tell him hes gotta start counseling or its not gunna work. and if u stay with him after this babe and he still treats ur son like that ur son will grow up to hate/ strongly dislike you for it.he will definately know he is being treated differently and u will have ALOT of behavirol problems. so tell ur hubby hes gotta get help with treating ur son the way he does or its over.. ur child should be the most important guy in ur life because children cant protect themselves thats why they have parents

Answer 2

Get him to agree to counseling now, or tell him to hit the road.

He should never have married you if he wasn't prepared to treat your first child as his own. You can't make yourself love someone else's child, but you can certainly keep the child from ever knowing otherwise by behaving and treating the child properly.

I've been there, and we made it through somehow, but I have to be honest and tell you that, in some ways I will never look at my hubby the same way. Even though he's apologized to both of us over and over for being a d**k, and my son is grown now and doing fine and they get along fine, there are some things that just never leave your mind as a mother.  

Your situation sounds a lot worse than mine was though. My hubby never engaged in name-calling like that. If he had, he would have been out on his ear, believe me. You have to think about what that is doing to your child.

Answer 3

If he won't go to counciling, then you are right, a happy house is out of your reach, at least with this guy!  If he is treating you and your nine year old poorly, what makes you think he will treat the baby any differently?  And if he does, does your nine year old deserve to live the next nine years in a family where he is second best, at best?  Personally, I think the worst thing you can do is keep heading the direction you are going, being married to someone who is unkind to your son, and having that person's baby.

Answer 4

TALK TO HIM -don't name call , calling him stupid isn't going to get your point across or your needs meet. If you feel the need to leave and you don't think your marriage will work then that's what you have to do. I hope you can make it work(marriage is WORK) Even if you leave you don't have to have an abortion you can keep this baby as well because an abortion is you choice but it is a life changing one that you should consider every part of before you do it. Good Luck