Am I doing the right thing with my daughter?

Question

A few months ago, my daughter came to me thinking she was pregnant. I didn't even know she was sexually active. I'm not one of those naive moms who thinks their kids won't do anything bad. I talked to her about waiting until she was married, or mature enough to handle the possible consequences of having s*x, and that at the very least protection should be used. Long story short, after a heart-wrenching trip to the clinic, she wasn't pregnant. Although we talked and she swore she wouldn't have s*x anymore, I still had her get a depo shot. I don't want to risk her getting pregnant and messing up her life. My sister says I'm giving her the "go ahead" by having her get the shot. All I want is what's best for her. I know I wasn't ready when I had her at 19. What do you think? Am I doing the right thing?

Answer 1

You got her the shot for her sake and for her potential future. Kudos to you! :) It is your daughter's choice in what she does and if she chooses to do it, then go ahead, let her. Its her life, and you've already tried to do your best. Let your sister know that you thank her for her opinion on your parenting, but well its...well, your parenting and you need to let her know that you can do just fine with your own daughter, and that if your sister wants to mother any other child, she should do it to your own. But yes, I'd say you did the right thing by getting her the shot. If she doesn't keep her word, then shame on her, but at least she'd still be safe.

XoXo,

- <3

Answer 2

You didn't mention how old your daughter was.  I don't see it as giving her the "go ahead."  I mean, she was already having s*x and you didn't know about it.  Getting her the shot and the lecture along with it is telling her that while you can't stop her, you can make sure she's safe.  I had my daughter at 21 and I certainly want my daughter to wait until she's married.  And, you should be thankful that she felt comfortable enough to come to you!!  Sounds like you are a good mom to me!

Answer 3

some times, you just gotta show some trust.

Answer 4

U definitely did the right thing. Although your daughter has promised not to have s*x again things happen and it is better to be safe than sorry. I think it is important that you explain to your daughter that the shot protects from getting pregnant but not stds so if she does have s*x she needs to use a condom. You may even want to supplier her with some just in case. I know this is a hard thing to deal with but you are not telling her to go and do it you are telling her that you wish she wouldn't and giving her the reasons why she shouldn't but you also need to give her the things she needs to protect herself if she is going to do it anyways.  

Answer 5

ya because most likely she will have s*x again so its better to be safe

Answer 6

Ultimately she is going to do what she is going to do. We as parents do our best to instill morals and values in them, But there comes that age when we have no control I hope you talked with her about use of condoms. The depo shot does not protect her from potentially life threatening diseases. It sounds like you have an open line of communication keep that open as hard as it maybe sometimes it pays to not be to judgmental. We have to pick our battles. You did not give her the go ahead you are just trying to make sure she is being responsible for her life choices.

Answer 7

yes i was 19 as well when i got pregnant and when my daughter turns 16 i will do the same as you

Answer 8

The best thing you can do is talk to her about it. Definitely get her some birth control, and if she does do it, make sure she uses a condom with the birth control. You did the right ting, but she might do it again, so better make sure.

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Answer 9

well quite honestly, whether you believe you did the right thing or not, doesnt matter right now.  Because i can tell you right now, your were probably smart. Im 20 years old, yes still a kid myself, and i got pregnant at 19 and i lost it.  I was not read for that, my maturity hadnt reached the point of being able to handle it, and i went a little loopy for a while.  You did a good thing getting that for her, because shes probably gonig to have s*x anyways, despite what you told her.  But in the future, should you decide to renew her shot or whatever it was that you gave her, you should really research the different methods.  The shot actually gives women multiple sculrosis (not sure about the spelling).  Just some advice ;).

Answer 10

well, i personally do NOT believe in hormonal birth control...too much possibility of messing up the body physically, aside from anything that it might infer of your 'approval' of her having s*x or not.

but that aside, only you can really decide what's the right thing to do with your children.  different things work or dont' work for different kids, too.

so all i can say is it sounds like you've had an open, honest relationship with her so far.  what's done is done, as far as her having s*x in the first place, and also as far as you having her get the depo shot (idk how much research you've ever done into it, but i've heard nothing good about it, so please reconsider having her stay on that course of birth control).  your sister probably never had her teenage daughter come to her and say she thought she was pregnant, so she really can offer no advice -- i never had to deal with this either, so i just repeat what i already said:  each parent has to do what they think is right for their own child and for the situation at the time.  and we'll likely all do something different.

good luck!!

Answer 11

She didn't ask you for the go ahead when she first had s*x.  Do you really think she would ask you the next time she decides?  I don't think I would have let her know it was Depo if you could have gotten away with that.  The best thing you can do is monitor her a little more and keep the lines of conversation open.  I bought condoms and put them on my boys dresser every now and then.  I didn't look at as a go ahead, I looked at as protecting their young adult hood and their lives.

Answer 12

I think that if she wants to go off and get pregnant than thats her fault and she should have to suffer the consequences. if everything is given to her when she gets in the real world she wont know what to do, she needs to learn for herself, even if it means the outcome is bad. She will have to learn.

Answer 13

what else can you do i think you did the right thing you did the right thing for her it is better to be safe than sorry!  

Answer 14

I think that you are absolutely doing the right thing!  You have informed her, now you are protecting her, and teaching her to protect herself.  You're sister should not have said that.  I personally do not like that kind of thinking.  It is ignorant to think that young people are not going to have s*x.  You did the right thing.

Answer 15

Yes, putting your daughter on birth control is reasonable.  She's already had s*x so why take a chance on her getting pregnant.  

Answer 16

she needs psychiatric help

Answer 17

I think you did the absolute right thing.  We can't be with our children 24/7.  All we can do is try to give them the best tools we can and hope that they make the best decisions.  

They won't always do that so making sure she is protected is being a good mom.  You're not giving her the go-ahead.  Just making sure that she doesn't get into a situation that could really mess her life up.  Does your sister have any children?  I have a 16 year-old boy and I know for a fact that he has condoms.  I hope that he isn't having s*x yet.  but I don't know for sure.  With the way kids are today it is probably more than likely he is than not.  I think that you did what is best for her.

Answer 18

yes i think you are

you are being a protective and not in a bad way

  

Answer 19

You VERY VERY much did the right thing!

You remember our hormones and emotions at that age!

When they spin into overdrive around boys ages 14 to 21, your going to have bad decisions made.  They are living for the moment no matter WHAT you tell them.  Its part of growing up realizing what is important, who will really be friends for life, and responsibilities.  

You are not giving her a license to have s*x either!  Your actually being realistic.  If you tighten the noose on strictness, you will end up closing the door on telling you when bad things happen!  

All I would ask my parents to do is be realistic and look out for my safety.  Your doing both!  

Answer 20

I believe you are right. Your daughter is one lucky girl to have such a understanding parent. Sounds like you and your daughter have an open and understanding relationship. Tell your sister, Your not giving her the go ahead! Your just facing reality that You can't be with your daughter 24/7 and situations like this happens. Would she rather she be pregnant? Never stop talking to your daughter about safe s*x now that you know she is sexually active