Am I dumb for taking him back after he cheated on me?

Question

me & my boyfriend have been together awhile, we got engaged last year, got pregnant (planned) sometime in March, then in May we split up.

not because of the pregnancy, but because he had a alcohol problem and with a child on the way I figured he would change.

Anyway, we were split up for about 2 months and sometime in the end of Jul. to early Aug. we decided to work things out taking one step at a time.

So as of now we have been back together for almost a month I guess. He goes and works out of town for 2 weeks at a time. we do stay in touch and he does come back.

The thing is this last time he came back from work we got into an argument upon which he decided to leave and go to the bars.

the next night he told me that "some girl" gave him hickies cause he was passed out in a car drunk. He swears up and down that NOTHING else happened though. she just strolled along, gave him hickies, he got mad pushed her off and left where he was, went to a friends and passed out. Although he did say whoever this girl is, is friends with the guys he was with.

He says it wont happen again and he'll straighten up, but why am I the one that feels embarrassed & dumb?

am I dumb for still wanting to be with him after this happened?

Answer 1

For no reason should you feel embarrassed or dumb. The one who should feel humiliated is him. My dad cheated on my mom when I was younger and all I could think about was how humiliated i was and how it was my fault. Under the wisdom of one of my close friends "it's not your fault, it's his" He's the father of your child, you chose him to be for a reason. If you sincerely feel that he will straighten up, you should be with him. You obviously love him and it sounds like he loves you. Plus your son/daughter would benefit from having both parents around. Yes it is possible for him to clean up his act. My dad did. He used to get drunk and not remember what he did either. It still hasn't happened again with my dad. Just give him another chance if you think he sincerely means it.

Whatever you do, you shouldn't feel bad. You didn't make his choices.  

Answer 2

Yes, you are dumb for taking him back and I only read your question.  Cheaters will never learn their lessons if their partners keep taking them back.  What have they done wrong if people keep taking them back?  The answer,,,,,nothing !!

Answer 3

in my opinion you have love for someone that isn't good for you

only you know the situation between you two

& just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to keep on giving them chances & accepting their bullsh*t

you shouldn't have to question if you should be with him.. you should know

Answer 4

If you feel dumb it is because you know he isn't being honest with you about what happened. He is lying plain and simple. You might try this. Tell him that plain and simple you know he messed up. But if he won't come clean then you know it will just happen again because he didn't learn his lesson.

The tough spot you have here is that you have a baby on the way. I took back a cheater and then 10 years later and 3 kids she cheated AGAIN. Do you want to risk wasting your youth on someone who can't even come clean? No one gives hickies to someone who is passed out. The problem is that when you want to believe something we really try to believe it.

If he doesn't come clean you really have nothing to build on. That being said you guys should see a counselor. He probably won't want to because he knows they will call his bluff.

In the end I think every one deserves one get out of jail free card. I am glad that I forgave my ex and even though she did it again and I punted her I don't regret it. Although my situation was unique. Just be true to your self and weigh everything. You do have a child to think of and that does change things.

Hope this helps

Answer 5

Yes, but you already know this by presenting such a question.

Answer 6

You're not dumb for wanting to be with him. You love him!  It's a really difficult thing to make a decision not to be with someone you love and are having a baby with. But I have a question for you.  It doesn't have anything to do with whether or not he cheated. When you first split up, you made that decision because of the alcohol problem.  My question is, has the alcohol problem gone away and has your partner changed his drinking?  You seemed to have made a wise decision back then.  Living with an alcoholic is terrible.  You and your wee baby will never be first because alcohol will come first.  Your partner might not want that to be the case, but unless he admits the problem and does something about it, it will be out of his control.

My concern is not whether or not he cheated, but that when you had a fight (which happens even in the best of relationships) he chose to go to a bar-when that seems to have been part of your original decision to split from him. He also admits to being passed out drunk.  It sounds like your original motivation for splitting up hasn't changed.

So please think about that before you jump back into the relationship.  Being a single mom is very difficult, but it is not as difficult as being married to an alcoholic.

I'm not anti-alcohol.  But having a few drinks and being a problem drinker are two very different things.And you seem to think that his drinking is a big problem.Talk to him.  Be honest about how you're feeling and give him the option of seeking help.  But be prepared that he might not want to and could instead, turn it around and lay responsibility back on you.  It's not you!

God bless you!  I hope you can see the way clearly and that things work out well for you and the baby.

Answer 7

This is honestly a situation that you have to decide on your own! but before Analise it really good and ask yourself is this what i really want in my life? do I want this relationship? and do I want to raise a child under these circumstances?? I know it's really hard I had that similar problem mine used to drink alot!! I offered him help and gave him an ultimatum! Also remember now you have a child to think of! Good Luck!!! and go with your instint.

Answer 8

well it depends your not dumb weelll just ask yourself this if he did it again would you want to put you and your child through it?  

Answer 9

yeah pretty much...dumby

Answer 10

If u take him back u are leaving the door open for him to do it to u again.  He knows that you will take him back already.

U are better off not being together and just raising your child that way. I have never taken a cheater back because the trust was gone.

Answer 11

yes, very dumb, even though i was in 5 grade, i had experience, my x bf cheated n ignored me 4 2 weeks straight. at the end of the school year he wanted to get back together so he flirted. i flirted back but i never went back out with him.

Answer 12

You're not dumb, you're human.

Humans make mistakes. Just don't repeat the same mistake twice.