Am I exaggerating? Please share your views.?

Question

My 7-year old daughter recently returned back from her every other weekend visitation from her dad. My ex husband has remarried for about 5 months. According to my daughter she said that when she was changing, you found a pair of underwear that wasn't hers. My guess that sometimes it may happen with whomever did the laundry. But still I would know the difference between a kids underwear versus an adult. My daughter described the under as very skinny thin underwear. My assumption was it was a thong. When my daughter returned it saying it wasn't hers, my ex husband's wife commented to her oops and that sometimes you just need to wear these kinds. My daughter asked me what does that mean?

Should I confront my ex husband? Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill? In my head I was pissed. I do not like my ex husband's wife at all. To share a little history, I divorced him because of his adultery and now he's married to what used to be his mistress. She is trash and I'm concerned about her bad inappropriate influence she may put on my daughter. Please share me your opinions on this. I sincerely appreciate it. Many thanks!

Answer 1

well putting your personal feelings aside, yes, i think it was an honest mistake and kinda sounds like she was a bit embarrassed about your daughter getting the wrong drawers.

and to your daughter, its underwear.  not a big deal. you just say theres lots of different kinds. real easy.  dont let her feel your tension as hard as it is for you.

Answer 2

I wouldn't confront him on this. It wasn't an inappropriate comment and I am sure it was a mistake. Your 7 year old was probably confused about seeing a thong and wasn't really sure what exactly it was and her step mother (yes her step mother not just your ex husbands wife) explained it best she could, sometimes adults wear them- it is true. I really sense a lot of animosity toward your daughters new step mom for whatever happened before but it is best for her not to know about that until she is older and only let her see respect between all three of you.  

Answer 3

It would be a little upsetting but I don't think anyone meant anything by it, unless things like this happen 24-7.  If I were you I wouldn't say anything about it.  

Answer 4

Typical bitter and jealous first wife behavior you are exhibiting...and you are USING your kids as reason to nit pick her.....its underwear for goodness sakes....geez, your probably just ticked off she wears a smaller size than YOU.

Answer 5

I'm thinking it was an honest mistake, and the new wife really didn't say anything out of line.  She should have really just said they were hers, but she still didn't say anything to harm the child.

Answer 6

It sounds like an honest mistake.  I know it's your daughter and you want to protect her, but you need to relax a little bit.

Answer 7

the important thing is t keep the child out of it, if you confront your ex, be clear and firm, personally, id be pretty pissed too

Answer 8

let it go, laundry gets mixed easily, If she dis it a purpose What? you'll better now without that cheater!  

Answer 9

I really don't think it is that big of a deal, i just think you might be looking at it so strongly because it is the underwear of your ex's mistress. which is understandable. however it is just a pair of underwear and I do not think it is such a big deal.  

Answer 10

thongs are not evil...just explain to your daughter that sometimes people like wearing really uncomfortable underwear same as they do shoes...lol.

its nothing making a deal out of it just makes you look ridiculous and vindictive...and probably give your ex's new wife a good reason to tell everyone how petty you are,

rise above it.

Answer 11

Time to get the custody c**p changed and make it to where he has to visit you instead of the girl going there.....sounds like an unfavorable environment to me.....good luck.....

Answer 12

well, i see where your coming from, a child doesn't need to be exposed to trashy panties.

but at the same time i think that maybe personal feelings towards your ex's new wife might be getting in the way.

you should talk to her father about what happened and explain how it's inappropriate  

Answer 13

ummm...not a big deal. she was probally just saying she doesnt want panty lines showing while wearing a dress. that is the reason some people wear them.

mountain out of mole hill.

chill

Answer 14

GO BEAT THAT B*TCHES *SS!!! Is what you feel like doing.  HOW DARE SHE....destroy my home, destroy my marriage, make me raise OUR child in a single mom setting.....URGGGGGG......*(&&&^ HER UP.  Is what you are feeling.  Honey.....take a step back, and let go.  You have sooooo sooooo soooooo sooooo soooooo much anger in you b/c of her.  It's not her, it's your husband.  He is selfish to the extreme to cheat then remarry his H*E!!!  Thank God everday!!  This is NOT your fault.  you know read "Don't Die in the Winter", by Dr. Millicnet Hunter.  TRUST ME!! she helps.  My ex caused me to be locked up behind bars for busting out his windows with a hammer...for cheating and lying to me.....I DON'T PLAY GAMES.  I get pushed over the edge and SNAP.  You will too, so LET IT GO.  It's painful, but you can do it...you can get past this and move on.  if you need to talk vent, cuss fuss WITHOUT being called anything other than "a dayum good wife" email.  I was once in your shoes...now I'm free :-)

Answer 15

This is no big deal, these are women's underwear. It's not like the new wife or whoever did the laundry slipped a condom or a porno magazine in your child's laundry pile. She's bound to see a thong eventually, she probably sees them when you two go shopping, or on tv and in magazines. This is no big deal and not offensive to anyone. Let your daughter know that mature women have options on what type of underwear they like the wear and that's just what his knew wife meant. Don't make everything such a big deal or these visitations will turn into nothing but stress for you and you'll seem nothing more than the bitter first wife.

Good luck.

Answer 16

Yep, you're making a big deal out of nothing. It's panties. Simmer. Your problem is, you don't like the new wife....you harbour resentments and you're just looking for any excuse to go off on both of them. There is nothing to be so upset about. Tell your daughter that sometimes women wear fancy panties. 'Nuff said.  

Answer 17

You don't like his wife, and you're making a mountain out of a molehill. She has the right to wear any kind of underwear she chooses. Would you allow your ex to tell you what kind of underwear for you to wear??? No! It's her and his business what she wears..As long as she is good to your daughter, that's all you need to be concerned about.

Answer 18

don't confront your husband.  talk with your daughter about it and ask her how it makes her feel, and if she has any questions, answer as honestly as you can.  if you don't know the answer, just say that you don't know.  

i think you're making a mountain out of a mole hill in this situation simply because you don't like his wife.  it's easy to blame her for everything.  try not to fall into that habit.  try to look at each situation for what they are, not how you feel about them.  

good luck.

Answer 19

I'll keep it simple, yes you are exaggerating.  On another note, holding onto anger & resentment just makes you a b....someone other people don't really like.  Family & friends will get tired of it, your daughter will pick up on it etc.  Let it go.

Answer 20

Yes you are making a mountain out of a mole hill, and in the process damaging your daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Adult stuff, and the inner workings of your likes and dislikes with regard to him, and his wife, are not her business, nor ought they ever be.  And if fact, how the two of them operate is none of yours, unless it is directly damaging your child....drugs, smuggling, child endangement.  What you have described is petty....

Kids already think they and they alone cause your divorce, and nothing, absolutely nothing will ever convince a kid of anything else... I promise.

She may be trash, and for sure your ex is... that's why he's your ex.  And what they do is as well none of your business.  You are stuck with sharing your daughter with him, and they -- your daughter and his present wife) are there..... so live with it, and absolutely never, never, bad mouth her father to her...even if he is the rat of the century.....HE is still her dad, and your opinions of him are private.   Your bad opinions of him to share with her are inappropriate, absolutely and positively.

If she asks about anything that is your opinion or "Why did daddy do.....?"  you smile, and say something benign.... "Oh, honey, it's nothing you need to worry about...." or some other appropriate comment.... your venom is acid in a child's head.  Save it.  I promise, you will never be sorry.

Answer 21

Now, now you can't confront them every time a tiny infraction like this comes up.  Save your energy for the big stuff, like when she buys a thong for your daughter and tells her she should wear it to attract the boys.

Answer 22

Yeah you are just pissed we all know a sock or a pair of undies can get mixed in with other peoples things especially thongs because they are so small. I think you need to let this go.

Answer 23

I would not get myself worked up.  Just think if someone else had said it you would probably not have been so pissed.  However, I understand that used to be your husband's mistress and now they are married.  It is okay to be upset about that still because a marriage bond was broken because of her.  Don't get yourself sick because that's the devil sometimes and not the person.  He will turn a mole hill into something big and remember also that while you are mad at a person who maybe did not mean anything he is romping his tail around free to destroy someone else.  Your blood pressure and health is much more important than this gesture.  On the other hand, if she does something obscene or reckless in front of your daughter or think it out loud you need to confront your husband about it.  Hopefully, she respects your child while she is over there.  If not, check into it.  I have had to learn that sometimes even with my own child and grandchild sometimes things are a little more exaggerated by them and then in other times not exaggerated enough.  In the mean time, keep watch and ask your daughter how does she feel about going over.  We don't know what the future brings and learn to forgive.  It is a way of healing and looking into matters as they arise fairly.  I am not saying it was right.  She should have just stopped at oops!  I made a  mistake and I apologize.

Sounds like she was embarrassed and probably meant that sometimes these fit better under certain clothing and that's why they were so skimpy.  What do you think?