Am I falling into a guy trap?

Question

Okay, so this can actually fall under "Fooling around" or "relationship issues" but I chose to put it here. So I have a dilemma at hand and I need to just see what people think... This is a long story...But I Need at least 3-4 people to bear with me and read it!

I dated this guy, let's call him Adam for about a half year from 06-07. Then we broke up because he felt like he was too "immature" for a relationship. Mind you, at this time we were both 18. Then we had a few awkward months trying to be friends again. By awkward I mean we'd hang out but it would be really brief and not even considered hanging out really. Just going to things because we have mutual friends now. Well, something kind of bad almost happened to me and Adam was one of the only ones there for me to talk about it.

We got closer at the beginning of the year and it was like we were kind of dating again. But I knew that he has feelings for his childhood friend so I thought "Okay I'll move on and think about other people." Well, I started to talk to this other guy that we both know and things were going swell. Well, then spring break was over and when I returned to school (Aka college), there was this party (we didn't get drunk, in fact we were kind of not hanging out with each other the whole time).

Well, after I left the party with some other people I got to my apartment- which was kind of freaky because none of my other housemates were there, so I was by myself. I texted Adam just so I could have something to do before I went to bed and then he said he could come over.. So he came over, and we talked for hours until 6am. He lives like 15 minutes away from campus so he decided to spend the night. Well, the couch is really short and so there was only my room that was open... SO we decided we were "mature enough" to sleep in the same bed. I literally turned so my back was to him. Well like one thing led to another and we were making out for the first time in almost a year. The next day we vowed it would not happen again, and it was a heat of the moment thing.

One month later, we are both at a friend's house and I swear, i slept on the floor and he was near me but not like that close and we ended up sharing a couch and did the whole making out and more (touching mostly).

And we talked about it, and somehow led to how we have suddenly become sort of friends with benefits. And it came up to where we were talking about s*x, (because we had never gotten that far even in the relationship, honestly then i was not ready). And we kind of decided we would have a sort of "one night stand" sort of thing... Meaning no strings attached etc. etc. So late one night I left my apartment and he picked me up, I hung out at his house and we had s*x at his place. We were both virgins...

Then the next day, I went to a party and had a bit too much to drink and told 4 of my good friends about myself.

And I told him about that and we got into an argument and it was really heated because I was just telling him all sorts of things and vice versa.

Then a few weeks later...I started to get really bent up about it and needed to talk, REALLY bad. So we talked and it was emotional for me, but we decided we can't do that whole thing.

A week later we were talking in his car and I ended up being semi on his seat and we were just cuddling and talking- it wasn't really romantic..But he started getting a little touchy/feely. Then summer vacation started and I haven't seen him since....

However, we talk online or on the phone a few times a week. And I am going back in a few weeks...So we were talking about hanging out and I was asking if he had any suggestions. Then the conversation went like this:

Adam: bad idea

Me: What?

Adam: I have a bad idea.

Me: What is it?

Adam: I feel/felt really bad about the friends with benefits stuff ended awkwardly/poorly. Particularly that one night...

Adam: And I feel like I should make up for it.

Me: How?

Adam: I have no clue.

OK first of all, that gives me the impression he wants to have s*x again or something? AM i just assuming or is that true? Second, okay, I have to admit I am tempted: I'm only human. Third, In any case, How should I bring this up?

THEN on top of all this, there is this guy- the one who I was talking to before I got into the Adam thing again.. And he is nice, sweet, understanding, and basically everything I can want in a guy. So I have been talking to him, and I Know that he probably could treat me right and everything, and be good to me. However, is it wrong for me to sort of want an End of all ends with Adam?

Answer 1

Congratulations!

You’ve just got yourself a F*cking Buddy

So what’s the big deal?

There’s no harm in having more than one.

As long as Adam and the Nice Guy doesn’t find out about you playing them out.

Have fun. Enjoy s*x.

Who knows if you get lucky…

You might stand a chance with Adam and the Nice Guy for a “threesome.”

Answer 2

You need to do what you know is right. It sounds like adam is kind of using you for s*x. You need a healthy relationship filled with love, because the type of relationship you and adam have is not healthy for you. I don't know if you are asking this, but would you want to be with adam if the s*x stopped, is there some underlying feelings there that you wish could evolve into something more than just s*x with him. If you want to find out if he feels the same way about you, that he actually really does care about you, and its not just a s*x thing. you need to tell him that there will be no more s*x or fooling around. If he does still like you and cares about you, and you feel the same way about him i think you should try a relationship with him. But if that's not what hes going for and its only a s*x thing for him, you def. need to get away from him and go with that other guy that will treat you right. So, no i do not think it's wrong for you to want to completely end everything with adam, you need to go with what you feel, and if its only a s*x thing with him you need to get away from that, because that type of relationship is not good for either of you.

Answer 3

holy c**p long q..

but  i reckon u shud hook bak up with adam...u obvioulsy like him, and vice versa.....and i think that you shud also talk to him about it, and how you feel.....he sounds like a prettty decent bloke so im sure he u and he willl work out what to do..

and by the way,..ive been hangin round guys from AGES and yer that probs mean he does want s*x again.......but if YOU dont want it dont do it.

and as the old saying goes....."Give a guy three chances, if he uses them all...Bye bye.."

hope this helps

xx

Answer 4

I think Adam was implying he wants a relationship... ie: he felt bad about the friends with benefits thing and wants to make it up to you.

I think you should suggest it...unless that is not what you want, in which case you will have to just let go of him being such a close friend and try to move on wholey and completely to the other guy.

If somethin is meant to be... It will be.

Just for now, go with the flow, have fun but realise that sooner or later you will ultimately need to make a decision... i dont think anyone here can really tell you which way to go about this. Just follow your heart and listen to your own intuition and everything will fell into place!

Answer 5

It's not wrong. You want to move on with your life, and you just don't feel right around Adam, you feel uncomfortable. I guess you've just got to sit down with Adam and tell him that you want to end this, but still be friends, and talk to him about it. If he's a good friend and don't just want to have s*x with you, he'll go along with it and understand where you're coming from.