Am I fooling myself? or can he commit????

Question

12 years ago i met a guy"tony" via my brother and sister-in-law.we dated off and on 4 and half years. but he was wild and couldn't fully commit.

still i hung in there and after 4 and half years he moved in.

he was gone alot out with friends and i guess you could say he just wasn't really ready to settle down.

we lived together 3 years and i believe he did love me.

but it was not to be so we called it quits and we moved on.

i never got past it though i tried.

after almost 7 more years apart and being unable to move on and put him out of my heart i decided to tell him how i still felt.

friends had also told me that he still cared for me.

he let me come in and we had a long talk and he told me how he had missed me over the past years and we decided to give us another try.

he is more settled down and the things that were between us before were no longer an issue.

that was 2 months ago.

he wants to take things slow and day to day.

i love him so much that i want to spend every moment i can with him.

we manage to spend on average about 3 nights a week together.

for him that is enough for me i want it to be more.

plus he hasn't even mentioned us to his family.

he told me last week he was falling for me again but needed to go slow

and he needs a lot of space to himself.

could i be fooling myself or do i just try to be patient?

we are in our 40's

do i have to wait another 4 years for him to commit?

i am afraid to push for to much to soon.

i could be with him everyday. while he has made it clear he can't do that now.

i know he is the only one for me but i get so lonesome for him when he isn't here.

HELP

Answer 1

You can play games with him, as Davin suggests, or you can be honest with yourself.  He is using you.  "Go slow" he says?  You've known each other for 100 years!  He doesn't love you. He is using you as a place holder, because he thinks he can do better.  If you are okay with living together three days a week, then so be it. If you want commitment and marriage, dump this Peter Pan freak and find a real man.  This boy won't ever grow up. He thinks he's going to find someone better.  He's lucky to have you and doesn't get it.  Let him go for real this time.  Unless you want to do this forever.

Answer 2

sounds like you guys are on two different cars on a train, sounds like you want to settle down and marry and he doesnt.

Answer 3

Really all you can do is take it day by day. If you try to rush or analyze too much, it could cause you problems with the relationship. Try to just enjoy what you are getting now and work up to more. To have an all or nothing type of outlook could be detrimental. Good luck!  

Answer 4

Trust me - he has something else on the boil, and is using you as a backup if the other one fails, or he gets sick of her. Or he s just having fun. Just like he always did.

Investigate.

Answer 5

oh emm gee ...

fooling yourself ...

hes dragging your heart along in the dirt, and you just wait on him hand and foot ... i think its time you left him hanging...

you need to find a commitment MAN...

c`mon ! 4 years ! do you want to waste another 4 years, while he keeps you guessing what h**l do ?

dont waste every waking moment thinking of the one thats not thinking of you.

Answer 6

Well you have a choice. Do you want to grow old and regret never having a family and real committment?  Sounds like it is in your future.  If you want to be his live in mattress and doormat then only you can figure this out.

Answer 7

Take a step back. You need to show him that it doesn't bother you that you're not seeing him every day. You need to show him that you don't miss him as much as he may think even though you do. Trust me on this one...when men feel neglected they always come knockin on your door for some attention. It never fails. If he's expecting to hang out with you on a particular night, tell him you have plans to go out with your friends. So, my advice to you is grant him the space and give him even more than he asked for. He will come begging for that attention and truly see what he's missing out on. Be strong and let me know how you make out.

Answer 8

you lost me after the 3rd sentence and all the blah blah blah bs