Am I having wedding jitters or is my fiance really not the one for me? The wedding is in TWO WEEKS! HELP!!!

Question

I just feel apathedic, unsatisfied and bored with him. When I think about the future, I feel a sense of detachment and dread.

We were together four years and have been living together for the last month. I don't know if it's cold feet or what, but it just seems like I keep finding things wrong with him.

For starters, the s*x thing. I don't know why, but ever since I moved in with him, my libido has been through the roof. I honestly haven't been this horny since I was 16.

He however, is almost never in the mood for s*x because he says his job stresses him out. He m*********s though, so obviously he's horny. Whenever we do have s*x, I have to intiate it and it makes me feel ugly and undesirable to have to ask.

He used to be so romantic, we'd have dinner out a couple times a week, take bubble baths together, would choose a book of the week to read together and discuss and we used to have really interesting conversations about random topics. My favorite thing how he used to just come up behind me and put his arms around me breathing in my scent and say something sweet like, "I'm so glad you're in my life".

Now it's just like, he goes to work, comes home, eats dinner, makes small talk about stupid stuff, we watch TV, then he goes to bed.

Whenever I try to intiate those things he's always like, "I'm too tired".

It hurts my feelings becaues before I moved in with him, he used to go out every night with one of his friends. I've even said we can go bar-hopping like he used to, but he just wants to sleep.

I've bought up my concerns with him and he says it's just an adjustment period.

Answer 1

He's not the right person for you but not because of the things you're talking about. You don't know him as a person and he doesn't know you as a person. Up until now, you've relied on s*x to determine your hapiness in  your relationship but the kind of love it takes for a marriage to survive is so incredibly much more than s*x and romance. You're just now barely touching on getting to know the "real" him and he is shallow, not into even getting to know you as a person. It takes something entirely different from s*x and living together to know if you're with the right person and you haven't done what it takes. You should have started with getting to know the real him - if you did - you might find - he doesn't go there - and that's not a person who is mature enough for a marriage that lasts. But, if you want a nice wedding day without a permanent relationship to follow - go for it.

Answer 2

Honey, i felt the exact same way with my previous partner - i had a serious chat with him, that lasted many weeks and after a lot of painful deliberation i decided to split up the partnership...

There were feelings still there, but i honestly felt like i was marrying him because we had been together for five years.

I cannot advise you whether or not you should marry him.. But i would urge you to look closer into your relationship and work things out quickly.

I hope it is just an adjustment preiod, but ask yourself one thing, why did you not live together before the fortnight before getting married? It has taken the pair of you a long time to really commit!

Good luck, email me if you want to talk to a random person! x

Answer 3

It sounds like he has gotten his prize so he can relax.  If he hasn't changed his job or hours at work there is no reason why he should not continue to work on this relationship.  My current husband and I had agreeded from the beginning to work at our relatonship constantly.  Because we both had marriages that go to a comfortable stand still to it became our dimise.  We realize that a relationship is something that needs to be activated.  If you feel like this now, I can't imagine how things will be after the wedding.  I would comfront him again and let him know that just by shrugging this off as an adjustment period is not an excuse you are going to accept.  It's okay to stand up for yourself and say I think we should out at least once a week, alone or with friends like we did while we were dating, I think our love life needs some sprusing up and you will be counting on him to take the initative at times.  If masturbation comes to mind during this adjustment period then include your partner, and surprises are always welcome.  If you can't bring that the table I would think twice about marriage.  

Answer 4

Marriage is a one time only deal if he is acting this way towards you now what makes you think that after the honeymoon it will be different? It will go right back to asking him for s*x, him always being tired, not wanting to spend time with you and then end up leaving you b/c hes bored. If you are trying to talk to him and is getting no feedback at all, I dont think you should do it, you need the guy who 20 years from now is the same like it was when you first met and this guy has just got a few months and is acting like a jerk. It will be hard and it will be sad to deal with, but either now or a bad marriage later

:) Hope you find what you really want :)

Peace c

Answer 5

Try http://www.bestweddingcoach.com

Wedding Coaching

Answer 6

I don't justify his actions one bit...so please don't think that's what I am trying to do.

It could be that you're in a sense, smothering him.  Maybe you aren't trying to, but maybe that's how he feels.  Do you want to spend every minute with him when he is not at work?  What if he wanted to go out with friends one night?  Would you want to go with him or get mad at him for not including you?

Are both of you paying for the wedding with no other help?  He could be stressed because he's putting in extra hours at work to help pay for it, which makes him tired.

My advice would be this:

1)  Don't call off or postpone the wedding.

2) Give him (and yourself) some space.  When he comes home at night, tell him you're going to a movie with a friend or to dinner or something.

3) I know you're horny, but put off s*x until after the wedding...let him see who he's marrying and make him want you!

Good luck to you.  

Answer 7

You might want to try getting some pre-martial counseling

Answer 8

Seems like to me that since you guys have been living together, there is probably something about him that you find unattractive that you didnt know about before ( and vice versus).  Maybe, you should try the things that drew you 2 together and see if it bring back some sparks.  Good luck! And I hope you find peace, love, and happiness!

Answer 9

At the very least, I'd postpone the wedding.  It sounds like you have very different expectations for what being married means.  Your fiance thinks it means he can take you for granted and stop investing in your relationship.

I think you could work through it with some counseling, but I'd make sure to get it all settled before you commit to spend your life with someone who clearly isn't really engaged in your relationship for whatever reason.

Answer 10

It doesn't matter how life was when you were dating, a month ago you took things to the next level and moved in together.  You've now had a one month preview of how your married life will be with this man.  This is why you're dreading it.

Doesn't sound like you have a future together.  And you are only kidding yourself if you think it will be any better after the wedding.

Get out now, while you still can.  Don't get married and then spend years regretting it and then divorce.  It's far too much hassle.

Answer 11

Wow. sorry to hear that you are going through this 2 weeks before your wedding. Moving in does have its adjustment period, but it seems that the problem goes a little bit beyond that. You two should sit down and really talk about what is going on, or maybe consider postponing or even canceling the wedding. It's a tough decision, but it's one that you will have to make sooner or later...better sooner. Hope that helps. :0)