Am I jumping to conclusions? (this is long)

Question

My parents are behaving strangely, I think they might prefer my eldest child to my youngest. Here's the story:

My youngest is 14 months old, recently he was admitted to hospital with Gastroenteritis, he also developed severe croup while we were there and had to be resusitated after he stopped breathing, it was as you can imagine a pretty horrible experience for him and us! Anyway; my parents didn't call or come to visit him once in the hospital, I called them and they would just be sitting around not doing anything but always seemed to have anexcuse why they couldn't come; had to walk the dog or do the shopping or pick up my (grown up) brother. They didn't even come after they learned he had to be reususitated.

My eldest is 4yrs old and was ill a few weeks ago with a Viral throat infection, he was ill for around 3 days and I took care of him at home. My mum came over everyday to see him and be with him and called every night before bed to check he was ok. So do you think I am right? I called them this morning and asked why they hadn't been to see the baby since he was discharged and they said 'we've been busy'. They know it's tough for me to get to them because I don't have a car at the moment and they live in Kent I live in London.

Do you think I am being unfair and paranoid? if you think I am right should I confront them?

Answer 1

I think you should say something to them, yes. Insist on equal attention to the children, and if they don't do this small thing, then refuse them all access to either child.  

Answer 2

i don't think your being paranoid at all... It sounds like a severe case of  favouritism to me! A sore throat compared to near death? I think you should confront them because in my eyes no matter how busy you are,in a situation like that you should always make the time to support your family!! I sincerely hope all is well with your children now and i hope u get this matter resolved x

Answer 3

Could it be that because your first child was not that seriously ill when your mum tried and came everyday to see him, and this time around they think "oh, maybe it isn't that bad."? may it be they have not realised how ill your baby was...? could it be that because your baby was at hospital so they thought there're plenty of professionals looking after him and they were very busy so...?

but if i was in your position, i would have felt the same, upset with them.

i cannot answer your question regarding whether or not you should confront them, as i think that depends on how close you are with your parents.

i personally have a very very close relationship with both my parents, so i would definitely say something to them.

theres no way that you should travel to them while you have a ill baby who needs to recover.

if they care enough, they will come to you. or, at least a phone call would be nice!

any excuse, is just EXCUSE!

i can't understand why on earth in this country some grandparents would have preference towards their own grandchildren.  my mother in law is the same, she likes all the "first born", and dislike the seconds. and you can tell it from the way she treats them, very obviously!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

To be honest i think your child is more important than walking the dog.

they may not like hospitals to have been too worried or scared that  they would get in the way.

but i think you should still ask why they called each night for your other child.

just make yourself feel better x

Answer 5

Your not being paranoid. Your feelings and observations seem sound and valid. Yes confront them. For the fairness of both your children. Both your children have rights and a right to be accepted equally by other family members. If they can't do this then limit their exposure to your children. It is the children you have to think of here.

Answer 6

Sometimes it is difficult to drop your life and go somewhere else. I think you are being a bit paranoid.

Answer 7

It might be that your eldest in hospital is worrying them sick and they can't face that once they're at the hospital that this will all be reality, gastroenteritis kills 5 to 8 million people per year, and is a leading cause of death among infants and children under 5. where as a viral throat infection isn't as serious, it is probably coming over as favouritism but it may not be the case, talk to them and explain how you feel.

Tasmin xx

Answer 8

Maybe because your youngest was so seriously ill and had to be resuscitated they didn't know how to deal with it or what to say to you to be supportive, maybe they felt that they couldn't deal with the situation very well and chose to avoid it all together.  

Your eldest had a fairly minor illness and they knew how to support you and your child better and had probably been in that situation many times before with you and any other siblings you may have.

I don't think its a favouritism thing, I think they just felt inadequate.

I hope that both of your children are better and healthy :)

Answer 9

I think since your parents have had a longer time spent with your eldest child they may have grown more attached to your eldest