Am I like the daughter he doesn't want anymore?

Question

I know I will sound spoiled and lazy asking this but...

My dad basically planned out when and what SAT tests my sister would take, got all the information form colleges she wanted to go to, and basically helped her with everything when she had tests and college applications coming up. Now that it's time for me to get a move on on that stuff, he's telling me, "Yeah, I'm not doing any of this stuff for you so you're on your on. If you need an "outline" here's what I did for you sister." The end.

I can't help but think that he took on his parents' views of me, which is that I'm useless. (They grew up in a time where boys were good and girls were useless and they were like, "Okay..." to my sister but when I was born, they were disappointed and never bothered to see me unless necessary)

What could be the explanation for this because I really don't want to think that my dad doesn't like me anymore.

Answer 1

You don't sound spoiled and lazy at all! It's not right to help one daughter more than the other. Talk to your dad and tell him how you feel, like you just told us. Ask for some help and support during the college admissions process. I know he still loves you; you haven't done anything wrong and s***w his parents. You're just as necessary as your sister and more than any non-existent boy. You sound quite bright and maybe your dad is just tired with the college application stuff. I know it's supposed to be extremely taxing for students and they only do it once. However, that's no excuse for his behavior towards you. He is an adult and does not need to be looked after and supported by you; it's the other way around. I know that you're growing up and maturing but you're still a teen and the teen years are the hardest, especially for those who mature quickly. This is probably the last important thing your dad can help you with and he should be there for you. Your mother and sister should too. Tell him that you are not your sister and you deserve as much help as possible. What if you threw a Latin book at him and told him to learn Latin in one year, just from the book? Could he do it? Likewise, you can't get to college through 'guidelines'. Having said that, a lot of parents can get pushy with what colleges you apply to and what you put on your resume, etc. Listen to advice but act on your own judgement. After all, you are going to college, not your parents and guidance deans. Pick the college that 'fits' you. Good luck!

:)

Answer 2

I have an older brother and feel the same at times. However it just made me more independent and determined. Try going to see these colleges with friends and enjoy yourself.

Your dad obviously loves you just as much as your sister however maybe he finds it harder to express it with you. Try talking to him about how you feel and hopefully he will try harder.

Answer 3

if you're a responsible person then he might think that you could do these on your own. and if your sister didn't do a great job even wiht his help, then he could have thought that he was too controlling. its better to do these on your own as it makes you more independent and gives you a better view on waht you want to do. but i think that you should talk to your dad about this if you feel unwanted.  

Answer 4

I am sure he still loves and likes you! He might be having a hard time at work or other stressful things happening. Talk to your school counselor. I am sure he/she will be more then enough help. You could ask your sister about what she did. Try doing as much researching as possible on your own, so you look like a mature adult. When you don't ask for your dad's help, I am sure he will be sad and want to help you. I am sorry that your dad seems that way to you. You are just as good as your sister and don't forget that! I am the middle child and I feel like I am second best too. Just ignore it and do the best you can!

Answer 5

That is like an impossible question to answer. But I will take a crack at it. Maybe it didn't work so well doing all that for your sister and he is trying a different approach with you, maybe he is lazier now, I have several children and I have changed with each one, I learned things that did and did not work. Maybe your just a different kind of person and he is using a different approach with you. Either way if he said it to you that way, it doesn't seem very nice. Have you asked HIM why he is doing it differently with you? Maybe it is your sister who is the lazy one and needed the extra help.  

Answer 6

Not at all, sweetie.  My dad did about the same thing with my older sister and myself.  He gave her the moon, and everything else, and then she got pregnant when she was 17.  She is now 36, and still can't get her head out of her own rear end.  He didn't teach her to stand on her own two feet, and everything in her life has come so easy for her that she throws chance after chance away.  He started when I was about 11, making me mow the grass (2 1/2 acres not the little in town yards)  When I got in my first accident, he made me go to the junk yard and pull the pieces to fix the car.  He gave me the tools, and told me that it goes on reverse of how it came off.  His brother gave me a stick shift, and his idea of training was "Just drive it.  There's nothing like doing it, to learn it."  A lot of adults look at this and decide that their parent don't love them as much as the other.  In my early 20's I had a discussion with my dad, telling him that I felt that he treated us completely different, and that it wasn't fair.  He agreed that it would seem like that from my point of view, and that he and my mom decided that their approach at parenting hadn't worked so well for my sister, and that they wanted me to know responsibilities.  The only way he knew to make me more responsible, was to expect more from me.  It's not that parents love the oldest more, it's that they learn what works and what doesn't work.  Try to find the compliment in this.  He knows that you are more capable to get the job done without him walking beside you in life with your training wheels on.  I hope this helps, sweetie.