Am I making the right life choices?

Question

I am 24yrs. old. still in college pursuing an MBA. I have a long time bf who is 34. We plan to marry and start a family. I would ultimately like to marry after I finish school but, because of his age, we have been thinking alot about starting a family within the next 2-3yrs. Here is where the problem lies.....my parents currently support me financially for school, ect and plan to until I finish. I would like to start contributing as I am getting my masters. If we have a child my bf would have to support us including the baby we plan for but, it would be a complete rearrangement. I am sure many things will change within the next couple of years but, I am wondering if it is wise to have a baby during this time. I will always have my degree to fall back on but I will not be established in my career as I would prob. be fresh out of almost finishing. I worry my parents will be dissapointed and not support my decision. I also worry about the financial burden. I feel that it is easier said than done. As of now, I contribute because of my parents. Without that, my bf will have to pick up that slack as well maintain the standard of living we currently have. I am very fortunate and don't want to loose that. Is this is wise choice? Has anyone else been in this situation and does everything fall into place? Please advise.

Answer 1

I have been in this position.. I married the guy. We had a miscarriage and because of his age he really wants kids.. I was studying too for my degree, but had to leave due to my miscarriage and family problems.. We are doing fine now, but sometimes I resent him and blame him for me leaving school.. I think you should have a long think before you do such a thing..  I know people say it's selfish to think of only you, but sometimes you have to.. I guess I just fell totally in love, but if I knew what I know now then I would change the pass.. I'm also a great believer of what happens, happens for a reason.  Therefore I don't dwell on the past too much..  Is this man who you wanna spend the rest of your life with?? You need to think alot before taking your desired path.  I wish you the best of luck with whatever choice you make.  By the way a sense you're latina like me.. Family is important to us, but also to have an education.. My family never got the chance, so I hope to finish my degree.

Answer 2

I'm 24 & my fiance is 38 - we have a beautiful 1 year old daughter together =)

1. I already had/have a career going for me as does he so in our case that wasnt so much an issue - I think in your case though maybe you should wait until you finish school & establish yourself - then again after seeing your future presiouse baby you may not want to go back to work even if you do have the greatest job in the world - Its something you never know until you hold your little bundle in your arms for that first time

2. men & woman arenet the same when it comes to having children- woman as they get older have higher risk pregnancys & more chances of defects (*knock on wood*) because your eggs are you eggs from birth & have  aggeater chance of mutating throughout life

mens sperm are like burger king "made to order"

If its because you think he wont be able to prioduce kids after a certian age then dont worry men can have babys as long as they have sperm =)

Answer 3

well in 2 or 3 years you could see if this is the best thing for you but remember baby's/children of yours change your life so any problems you have will hopefully be sorted out in the 2-3 years or when your baby is born and im sure your parents will be happy to help out with the baby weither its with money or just babysitting but if you wait you could see if its the best thing for you.

Answer 4

well it depends  

Answer 5

I can see where you are coming from all thought i have never been in this situation. I think if your soon to be husband is all for starting a family then you should go for it. If he is serious then he knows he would have take on the responsibility of providing a life for you and a child. Although your parents may become upset they will get over it and be proud they have a grand baby in the long run. Its a very hard decision  to make but whatever you choose make sure its right for your self and no one else.

Answer 6

No one can see the future.  We can't change it but our actions influence it.  I was raised to believe we only truly appreciate what we have to work for.  I have 3 brothers.  Of the four of us 3 have 3 degrees.  None of us were supported by our parents or government grants while in school.  All of us earned at least one of our degrees going to school full time days while working full time nights.  Being a working stiff you develop a better attitude and we all always placed near the top of the class.  One brother was always the top student at graduation.

We were also taught to value the knowlege more then the diploma.  Your education is something which can never be taken away from you.  It is what you have truly leant and can use on demand.  Try to stand back and look at your situation as if from the outside.  Then you decide based on what you believe is the right choice.

Answer 7

Do NOT have a baby before you get married.  Do NOT get married without a plan for how you will support yourselves and any children that come along.  Do NOT dishonor your parents.

Stay within those guidelines and all is well.  Push the boundaries and get things out of sequence and you will live to regret it (and your parents, bf and babies may suffer as well.)

If your bf is in his 30's and can't support a wife & kids, then he is probably a loser.  Look for someone worthy of you that you don't have to change your dreams for!