Am I messed up because I see having children a sign of weekness?

Question

Im 25, dont want children because my whole life I have seen women stuggle with children. Strangers...people I know....It just seems like such a demanding job that takes away from other aspects of creating your own life, and furthering your education, career, interests....that it takes away time from boyfriends/husbands & mothers private time, that they 'loose themselves' and of course little kids are adorable, I know I watched my much younger brother and sister grow up diapers on up to being a teen. Now they are getting into those rough years, and my mother doesnt even get the respect she deserves. She's dedicated her LIFE to her children. Her husband cheated on her twice while they were in their 20's and by that time she had 2 kids...(my older brother and I) and through time they just stayed together...she had no where else to go...they just made it work for the kids..Well eventually they had two more, but I just see kids as a ball and chain...am I messed up or is there some truth?

Answer 1

No two people or situations are alike of course.

Now, in general I would rather serve a prison sentence than to have a wife or have kids. I'd feel like I had a ball and chain around me at all times, and I don't like to live my life like that.

I agree that women do get the short end of the stick, and a general lack of respect.

Answer 2

ok everyone has their own opinions about having children. Personally i wouldnt have it any other way i had my first child at 15 and my second at 18. Even though it seems as if children are a "ball and chain" it is great. It's the most rewarding thing i could ever do. However i think its great that you know ahead of time that you do not want children, A lot of people don't  and they get pregnant and then decide they dont want children and kill the baby. Having children just means different things to different people.

Answer 3

I have a child and I still am pursing my dream career, i'm still able to spend time with my boyfriend. I never "lost" myself... if anything I found myself.

Answer 4

Then for goodness do not  have children. Avoid it if at all possible.  We do not need any more parents who see children in this manner. Over population is a problem, but over population by mom's who do not want them is even worse.

Answer 5

no, everyone has their own reasons for what they do and its ok...its your choice :)

Answer 6

I dont think it makes you "messed up" at all. In fact I applaud you for knowing that you dont want to have kids. I have 1 child of my own and it is a demanding job, it does take away from other aspects of my life. But I wouldnt trade it for the world. And having children dosent always take away from having a career and "unmommy" time, tho it does make it more difficult. I am currently in college full time. I take "unmommy time" occasionally. Its really just a matter of personal prefrence.

Answer 7

At your age I think that you are in a typical spot where kids are concerned, who the heck wants kids at 25?

The key to having kids, enjoying them and still finding balance in your life is picking a good mate who has similar values, goals, etc.  Staying at home to raise children is a very hard and admirable job, but unfortunately in today's society, it is looked down upon.  It's an attitude that permeates into all sections of society, and it shows just how little we as a society value our children.

Answer 8

The life of a mother is really what YOU make of it. I know people with kids who are overly stressed, have no control, are in a horrible marriage, complain daily about how they wish they had a better education or were working, since that's what they went to college for etc.

I am a mom of 4 kids. They're well behaved and respectful 95% of the time and I enjoy every minute I spend with them. I have a great relationship with my husband, have 2 degrees, teach, and take part in my interests. Did I give some stuff up to have this lifestyle, yes...but I knew that's what would happen when I had kids.

If you don't want kids, thats your choice and completely fine.

Best Wishes -=]

Answer 9

I wouldn't go far to say that having kids is a sign of weakness.  I would be fair in saying that you're perfectly normal in your want of not wanting to have kids of your own.  Some people just know they want them and some just know they don't want them.  Doesn't make you weak and it doesn't make you strong....it makes you human.  If having kids to you would mean sacrificing yourself, don't have any.  If people judge you, they don't know you or your past and it shouldn't matter because you're happy in your life.

Answer 10

I agree with you about children, but I think "sign of weakness" is rather judgmental and harsh.  People have different priorities and make different life choices based on those.  I know that I *hate* it when people make negative judgments about my character based on the fact that I would rather rip my fingernails out one by one than have children.  

It sounds as if some of the women you know do perhaps have some problems with asserting themselves, but I don't think that makes child-rearing itself a sign of weakness.  I know many very strong parents.