Am I misunderstood in my position for adoption?

Question

I WANT to be the best parent that I can. Many of the people on Y! Answers seem to imply that on the basis that I have subjected my child to the atrocities of the adoptive process, I am already starting out as a bad parent.

I am willing to fight for a change where I see issues (such as states that allow a birth mother to forfeit the birth father's rights). However, I don't see the issues associated with some of the other areas that people speak out against.

I am willing to keep an open mind. I feel for those that have been abused in some way. However, I choose to pick battles that I believe are fighting against bona fide injustices.

Answer 1

Whats the difference between allowing a "first" mother to forfeit the rights of the first father ....and allowing the first mother to forfeit the rights of the adoptee?

In your question above you are say you're willing to "fight for change where you see issues, which you use "birthmothers forfeiting the rights of birth fathers" as your "good reason for change"

But many adoptees are fighting to prevent our first mothers and fathers from forfeiting OUR rights.

so its not okay for them to forfeit the fathers rights, but its okay for them to forfeit the adoptees rights.

hmm...

I haven't been abused by anyone but the system, if you don't believe in open records fine. An example of bona fide injustices IS open records in my opinion. Records were sealed to protect the adoptee from the stigma of illegitimacy,  they were sealed with "good intentions" this is still an injustice, one that in my opinion is worthy of fighting for, and I will continue to do so.

Answer 2

I really don't know what you are getting at.  I personally feel that adoption is a wonderful thing.  How else will children without loving parents find good homes?  You aren't starting out as a bad parent for adopting.  I think you are awesome for wanting to give someone else's child a wonderful start in life with someone who actually wants them.  

Personally if a mother is a horrible mother and/or person and wants to give their child away or doesn't deserve to have their child then I feel that the FIRST person that that has an opportunity to keep the child is the father (so long as he too isn't just like the mother).

So far I feel you are being a good parent by trying to do what is just and right!

Edit* Why did everyone vote me so far down...totally wrong.  So from all the other posts I gather this guy has been a jerk...but seeing as how I don't hang out on the Yahoo answers Adoption board I don't get how I could know that he's a butt hole.  So why all the negativity against me.  From the information given I gave the best answer I could make.  I was hoping that he would elaborate on his given question.  

So thanks a lot snot wads for all your votes down as though I said something sooooooooo horrible.  Maybe some of you guys need to get a clue and a life!

Edit**So I read the post Lillie put up and I see nothing wrong with his question OR his views.  They are his views and not your own!

Answer 3

I've never called you a bad parent, but you do confuse me.  What exactly is so "just" about my not having access to my own birth certificate?  What bugs you about the notion of open records?  

My a'parents were/are great.  They supported me in my search, saying, "I'd want to know if I were you."  Why?  Because they could imagine how they would feel in my situation.  They knew it felt like an injustice to me, and that was good enough for them.  They were/are also secure enough to know that the bonds we had formed were healthy and lasting ones that could not be threatened or broken by my obtaining the same information about myself that they and most other people had always taken for granted.

Not long before he died, my a'dad and I had a talk about adoption in which he said that if open adoption had been required to make me a part of his family, he would have been only too glad to go through that.  He was 71 years old, but he could wrap his mind around the fact that if you really love someone and want them to be part of your family, you are willing to "share" them with others, trust them implicitly, and/or risk doing what is best for them even if that makes you feel a bit insecure.  

To me, that is what makes a great parent--natural, adoptive, foster, step-, or any other kind.

Answer 4

If you want to be an informed adoptive parent please visit www.informedadoptions.com, there is alot you can learn and contribute.

Answer 5

I don't misunderstand you at all.  From recent questions from you I think it's very clear that you defend discrimination against adoptees and believe they should remain stigmatized and treated differently under the law than any other citizens.

Answer 6

Yes, I think you are.

You say you are willing to fight for change yet you put up questions such as this: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

You are an adoptive parent who doesn't seem to feel that adoptees should have equal access to their own records as non-adopted citizens do.

I don't think that you, personally, have subjected your child to any atrocities by adopting him.  I don't think badly of any adoptive parent, unless they are abusive or neglectful, or have that type of attitude that their adopted child shouldn't have a right to his or her own background.

An adoptee is still a separate individual, an individual with a right to know where he or she came from and all that comes with that.  

IF that person so chooses to find out...shouldn't we have a right to know?  If an adoptee doesn't want to, fine.  They don't have to.  But for those that do, don't make us sit in the dark just because there are others who choose to.

You wouldn't keep your son from eating apples just because you don't like the taste of them, would you?

Answer 7

Well, when you rip adoptees who want their OBC, it kinda sends the message that you don't care. Like i have told you before, what one person wants or needs is different from me, you and them. Why are you letting their needs and wants make you feel that you have to tell them that they are wrong. Bottom line is that people are different so what they want or need in their adoption will be different.