Am I on the brink of insanity?

Question

Thats what I've been thinking lately. Reasons for this are I talk to myself not just like small talk I have engaging conversations with myself and sometimes (all the time) even answer back.

Also the thoughts I've been having well aren't great, I have many intricate ways to kill myself planned out whether it be getting a hold of my uncle's gun or swallowing some poisonous substance.

I also am very paranoid of people and what they think of me or what not, so I usually constantly look around to see if anybody is looking at me, this is usually during a conversation as well. Also when I'm in a large grouping of people I often feel claustrophobic and usually navigate myself to the far side of the room, even though this gathering is my dang family..... I also can barely have a conversation with people in my school because my shyness is well very very bad.

My Self Esteem to me seems to be the issue since I really have no love for myself and consider me to be a pathetic human being(to the point where I contemplate suicide or not). Even though people around me love me because I smile whenever I can, and I listen to people and have fun, this is because I never ever show physically what goes on in my head. So I'm afraid if I told anybody what I feel they wouldn't believe me, or call me crazy which I would probably agree with, So I need the people of the interwebs opinion on this matter on whether I need help or whether I'm just another emotional teen.

Answer 1

When the realm of our imagination collides with our reality. Ordinarily our thoughts are a reflection of the world we reside within. Escapism is one who consciously lives in a world within their imagination. A sinister aspect this is our thoughts and mind overcome, besieged by unwanted thoughts and thinking patterns. Causes may be a head injury, a traumatic experience, or a deep seated fear causing regression and withdrawal into ones subconscious.

You are obviously aware of the unhealthy aspect of negative introspection, a good sign. A vacation, time away from the situation causing such stress related angst to manifest in this mental anxiety. Seeking a meditation technique to clear out your mind of this invasive pessimism and the feeling that one is no longer in control of one’s mind...

You are not on the brink of insanity, talk to someone you trust, an elder about your fears, a problem shared is one squared.

Answer 2

All the things you talk about are totally normal, within limits.  I mean we all talk to ourselves, and some of us even answer back.  When you get into screaming arguments with yourself, then you have a problem.  Almost everyone thinks of killing himself at one time or another, what it would be like, how he would do it, but if you are actually -planning- to do it, you need help.  Everyone feels a little intimidated in a crowd, a little claustrophobic.  And shyness is just the 'occupational disease' of being a teenager.

You're growing and changing very quickly through your teen years and you learn a lot about the world, and it is a confusing place!  Just your own mind is changing so quickly that it seems strange to you, and that can be a little scary sometimes.

It's all a matter of degree.  We all have these problems in a minor way, and we develop ways to deal with them.  If they are such big problems that you can't live, there are things professionals can do to help.

Answer 3

This goes beyond "another emotional teen."

I believe you have emotional issues that need to be dealt with, which can be fixed.

You need to make an appointment to see a counselor.  You're talking to all the wrong people.  However, you are talking and that's a start.

If you want to be happy, you can be happy.  Don't write yourself off yet.

Get to a counselor and get started putting your life back together again.

Answer 4

I'd say you just need to open up to a family member you can trust or  if you wouldn't feel comfortable, find an internet friend to talk to on Yahoo or MSN messenger.. With an internet friend you could open up and spill everything on your mind without feeling embarrassed, showing your face or giving your identity.  It's easy to act like one person when you're around other people, and then think and feel totally different later by yourself.  You need to let out your true feelings to somebody who will listen and won't make you feel uncomfortable.  Once you get it all off your chest, just remember to be open with yourself and others and don't let yourself get so pent up again.

Answer 5

I like Wisdom's answer. I also agree that all of that is normal to a degree. If you actually plan on killing yourself, then you need to seek help. Definitely find someone to talk to, whether it's a friend, or some stranger online. I think that it is definitely easier to talk to a stranger about some things, since they don't know you and have no preconceptions of who you are.  

Answer 6

If you are even thinking about the possibility that you are going insane, you aren't. Generally, people who are going insane do not realize it, they think they are just as normal as the next person.