Am I only an option?

Question

My wife divorced me 3 months ago. She slept with another man and told me she had feelings for him and for me to move on and leave her alone. Well that's exactly what I did. The only time I spoke to her was arrangements for our 3 yr old son, and I made it very brief while hiding my true feelings from her. Truth is I am crazy about her and it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Now 3 months later she has stopped the relationship with the other guy. She has been inviting me to outings with our son and been more receptive to me. She even initiates hugs and simple kisses on the lips when we part. It leaves me bothered, confused and wanting more. When I try to tell her my feelings she says that if it hurts me then she will just stop everything.I dint want that either but ****, I don't know what would be worse? Being confused or not having anything with her at all... Now I not to sound cocky but I have know problem finding dates with attractive women and have even been on a few dates. But I want my wife back!

Should I follow my head and move on even if it kills me or should I keep going through this game of hers? I guess what I am asking is should I make her feel like a priority or when she makes me feel that I 'm only an option?

Answer 1

Accept her hugging and kisses with nice smiles, but do not stop to see other women too. For a while try to be a bit "Casanova" like person, love all the women, not a single one. Later, you may build up your marriage again. Your wife regretted what she did, your common mistake was that you could not agree to give her some freedom in the marriage, to have some fun with other man, but still staying together. Maybe your common future will be more smooth. I wish it. But all of us have to keep in mind that this type of problems may just emerge from the calm everyday life, so all of us have to have good strategy to handle the problem.

Now it would be a new mistake to continue your common life where it was cut off. Your wounds are not skinned over yet. But that would be also a big mistake to miss each other if you still love each other. So, enjoy your life when you and your ex are together, but also on other days, when you date other nice women too.  

Answer 2

She's made one of the greatest mistakes of her lifetime, divorcing you for another man. Do not join her in the mess she's made of her life; walk away. She can only cause you more pain.

You're always going to have some feelings for her, you need to set boundaries now, guard your own heart, and move on.

The time for marriage counseling was when you were still married, but now, its just over.

Answer 3

Hi. Just want to say this - she left you for another man. She had s*x with another man. She divorced you for this man.

She is selfish, manipulative, cocky woman. It has been 3 months and she wants you back. Interesting? What is going to happen if this guy comes back and she takes him back? What will you do? She left once....why put your heart and mind through that?

Have the outings with your son but make it guy time. When she tries to kiss you push her away.

Think about it the things she was doing to you as wife, she was doing some wild things with this guy. Not worth the pain and flipping around.

You want her back because she is a woman you made a home with. She left, remember?

Let her go and you give yourself some time to heal. But please go to single clubs to socialize. Keep in contact with your son.

Just move on, she sounds like trouble.

Answer 4

She does not want you back, she needs you as a convenience until someone else shows up. Get over her and take care of your son.

Answer 5

talk to her straight she left her child her home you and everything for some one else now she wants to come back because she has realized no one can be as good and caring as you if you want to do it for your child that's another thing but i am sorry to say you are nothing more than a servant to her.

Answer 6

"Now 3 months later she has stopped the relationship with the other guy"

Either he got tired of her or she got tired of him.  He was good enough to leave a loving husband but now he isn't good enough?

She made her bed. She must now lay in it and not make you feel confused or guilty about it.

"She has been inviting me to outings with our son and been more receptive to me"

Of course. Grass was greener on the other side til she realized some pastures get boring.

"She even initiates hugs and simple kisses on the lips when we part."

She knows how you feel. She didn't care how you felt when she left you for another man. Now she knows you feel that way and it is wrong of her to try to get back into your life in this form.

"I 'm only an option?"

Here is something that can happen. You get back with her. Life is happy and danddy.  One day she comes to you and REPEATS the same situation again. Might be with the same man or another guy this time.  She ups and leaves.

What I am saying is, you got to find out why she left you for another guy, what she felt was missing and what will it take to not happen again. It wasn't all your fault as she has flaws.

There is no excuse for adultry or to leave one for another.

Marriage counseling is a step both of you should take right now.

Divorcing is a heart ache, especially if you still love the person.

I recommend individual counseling so you can go forth with this situation in a healthy way for yourself. You got a child to raise too. He needs you both and you both need to get your parental relationship under hand.

This will affect your child having mommy/daddy come together, split, get with someone else, get together, split, get with someone else.....etc.

Answer 7

Yes. Follow your head in this situation.

Your divorce is still fresh, and of course, you have a precious child which complicates matters.

However, you need to accept moving on. You still need to keep an amicable relationship with this woman, but you need to accept that it's over.

Even if that changes down the road, right now, you need to keep on moving. But do what it takes to keep seeing your child.

She doesn't even need to come close to feeling like your prioirty, and her FEELINGS are NOT your priority. Obviously, YOUR feelings weren't her priority right? Your priority is your child.

Even though women and dates may come easy to you, obviously, this is irrelevant to your situation. You can tap in on that (and have every right to enjoy it) later... Right now, you need to stop thinking about her and her cheating-self, and focus on the one little boy who matters.

You sound like you have your heart in the right place. I'm sorry that this gal has done this to you. She probably knows your vulnerability because she is exploiting it. If you really want her back, wait until her priority is the same as yours before you even CONSIDER her again.

The ball is in YOUR court, NOT hers. She's the ridiculous one here. So while she is busy acting a fool, you take the high road. And the high road involves you and your son. Until she understands how to make that involve herself, as his mother, move on.

You have much more precious things to worry about.

Answer 8

You know what?  She divorced you.  She's already tested the waters with another man.  She will be finding another guy soon enough.  Don't be the old faithful dog that she can lay down with on nights when she doesn't have a date.  She's NOT your wife anymore because she doesn't want to be.  Sorry if this sounds harsh but it's true.  The marriage is over and so should your love relationship with her.  Start dating and things will start falling into place for you.  Be smart and be strong.

Answer 9

Stop being receptive to her. It can be hard if that is what you want her to do but if she knows she can keep you hanging on she will. Do not act like you are waiting for her to throw you a bone. I think that it would be better to not have it at all than to have your heart stomped all over at her whims. If she thinks you are not hanging on she might make up her mind. You do have to face the possibility that you might only be an option until she finds the next one.  

Answer 10

I think she is using you until someone else comes along. You are only hurting yourself. She left you, you should move on and try finding someone that is right for you. She is playing with your feelings and you are letting her do so, you should put a stop to it.  

Answer 11

I think that because the other guy and her broke up, she is using you because he is gone.  If she was still with him, she wouldn't be worried about you.  If you really love her, you guys can try it again, but who is to say, she won't do it again.

Answer 12

Sadly , honey , I think you are being used until some one else comes along.  Move on.