Am I over exaggerating or justified for being angry at my key-worker?

Question

Ok, I have depression and Borderline personality Disorder, i'm 21 and have been suffering for a few years and trying my best to deal with it. I have a key worker and lately some of her actions have annoyed me but i am not sure if i am justified in feeling this way because she is usually nice but I feel a bit hurt and neglected by things (which maybe is due to the BPD)

Recently i have been trying to approach the subject of being sexually abused and she told me that we would set the time aside and deal with it on the next appointment before she went off on holidays. I prepared myself that week in advance- it's not the easiest thing to discuss. On the day, she arrives 20Min's late from seeing another client and then as we sit down tells me we have to cut the session short because she has to go to a wake of a man in the departments mother who had passed away. she apologised but didn't seem to realise how upset I was about it. so that was it and she went off on holidays.

I had a really bad week when she was off and even burst out in tears in front of my gp who i have been seeing regular for over a year and never cried in front of. anyway I seen my key worker again on tuesday and the receptionist didn't let my key worker know i was there so i was sitting for half an hour. during my session I spent the whole time crying i was just overwhelmed with depression and emotions in general. I just about get an hours session, abit under and she says "i'll see you in a fortnight" and then has to go see another client.

Yesterday morning i woke up feeling i was taking a breakdown and I rang her (which is who i am supposed to ring) and she was away on a course. I rang my gp and couldn't get an appointment with her. I sat and cried alone for an hour realiseing how I have no support. I rang back the deptment and asked if they could contact my key worker at her course, they said they would try and would definately leave a message for her to ring me today.

Today I waited till half two and she didn't ring. I rang and she answered saying she was going to a meeting but would ring me back because she was there till 5 anyway. I sat for 2 and a half hours waiting on her to ring back and she didn't and I am so angry and upset! I feel like i am worthless and she couldn't even give me 10mins time and yet shes always telling me to ring!

Please don't start telling me i am too reliant on her because I doubt seeing someone for 2 1hr sessions a month is dependant and who else am i supposed to ring for help! she works for the NHS so i don't pay her. Is this acceptable from her, do i have a right to be severly peed off!!?

thanks

x

Answer 1

Of course you have the right to be peed off with her, this woman was assigned to you to give you support, and infact shes done the complete opposite and push you away! If possible, i would ask to change my key-worker. I mean how are you supposed to feel better about yourself, if you feel youre worthless, and its all her fault. Its NOT becasue youre worthless, its because shes not doing her job properly!

good luck, and give her a peice of your mind!

Answer 2

firstly, sorry to hear that you are having such a bad time right now.  I am bipolar affective and I have had issues like yours in my life.  You do have the right to feel this way and you must feel incredibly frustrated right now.  How I chose to deal with the frustrations was to contact a number of agencies myself such as Options alchol and drug service (i know that you probably don't have these issues) but they offer counselling one to one for 12 weeks.  This helped me alot.  In addition, there is Sisters who deal with sexual abuse, they have a phone number which you can get off the net.  If you have been in hospital, the crisis number should be able to give you numbers of agencies that can help and I really do insist that you contact them. Being left alone in the community for 2 weeks is harsh, and I hated it myself, my CPN would come for 15 minutes and then disappear.  A book that I read once as called 'Rescuing the Inner Child, Therapy for Adults sexually abused as Children' really helped me and is a practical book that you can do at home in your own time.  Tell you key worker that you are doing the book.  He/she really should have referred you to these people that can help you.  If she is not doing that then you must empower yourself and ring up and tell them that you need all this help and speak to your GP.  If they don't listen, change GPs.  Your GP should be able to offer you counselling to help.  I am really sorry to hear that you are feeling helpless, you could try the MIND website which i used regularly during my recent episode.

I hope that one day soon that you begin to feel better, and remember you do have the right to question these people and be angry, its a normal everyday emotion.  Take care, keep trying and your post says something about you.....that you can be resourceful and that you do want help and as another sufferer, i truly hope that you get the help that you deserve.  good luck

Answer 3

You are not to dependent on her, as that is her job.  Next time you see her you need to show her what you just typed here so she will know how you feel.  Being mad at her is not going to get you anywhere but sick physically.  You need to sit down right now & say as an act of my will I now forgive _______ for what she did to me & name off all of those things she did.  Then say I release her & me from any harm this may have caused & I speak blessing over her.  You may have to do this a lot but keep doing it till you feel ok.  You can also talk to God when you fell very hurt.  He loves you & will listen to you.  You are never really alone.

Answer 4

you do have the right to be upset. i love how you talk, you must be from Europe. "I rang her". lol. anyways, she is knowledgable about your conditions, so she should be the one you call. do you have anyone else that you can rely on like a close friend or family member?? i mean, if worst comes to worst and she is being like this can you call one of them just to talk and calm you down? i dont have the conditions you do, but i always call my sister when i need to vent about something. anyways, good luck to you :o)

Answer 5

You have every right to feel annoyed and let down, your keyworker's behaviour is totally unprofessional and shows a lack of respect for you.   I know NHS staff are often stretched but even that is no excuse.

When she is unavailable, like when she was on the course do you have anyone else to ring?  When I had a support worker if it was urgent they would ring her mobile, and if she was unavailable for whatever reason ie holiday or wouldn't be back in the office, I could speak to one of the Duty Officers - they normally had 2 on duty.

Don't be afraid to complain.  I've had Support Workers for about 7 years and I've had to complain twice.  After I came out of hospital (the first time) I had a male support worker, who I used to see once every 3 weeks for 30 minutes but he was there for me to ring if I was having a bad day etc.  However, after a while what tended to happen was that I'd call and be told he would call back, but I then didn't get a call for several hours.  In the meantime I had managed to get hold of a friend who had calmed me down.  This kept happening so in the end I complained to his supervisor who was overseeing my treatment because I'd previously had CBT with him.  Although the response I got from his supervisor was basically toeing the party line ie playing the matter down etc, after I'd complain he was phoning me back straight away.  It has to be said that he wasn't the best Support Worker I've had, often if I was crying and down he'd tell me to go and play some Elvis or to get myself a MacDonalds.

After this Support Worker I then had a very good Support Worker, and when she went on a secondment I had the best one I've ever had but sadly she was an Agency Worker.  After the Agency Worker was replaced by a permanent member of staff I then had the most diabolical Support Worker; she was hopeless, how she got the job I will never know.  I had no choice but to complain to the top bloke in charge of the Community Mental Health Team.  He rang me as a result of my letter, and I was then allocated to the Support Worker I'd previously had and was now back from her secondment.

I believe that the reason NHS staff get away with dishing out shoddy treatment is because they know that the majority of the people in their care are not strong enough mentally to complain about them.

The staff who are responsible for you have a duty of care to you, so be brave and put all that you have told us on here in a letter to the person in charge.  People can only treat you badly if you allow them to get away with it.

Think you won't just be doing it for you but also for all the other people she treats like this.  If she is asked to account for her actions, the chances are she will pull her socks up and get her act together which will benefit all her clients.

Answer 6

You have every right to be fed up ...it doesn't sound like this woman is doing her job properly I would ring her office and ask to speak to her supervisor and then explain the situation to them

Answer 7

Of course you have the right to be annoyed.  You are getting this help free from the NHS because that is what you are entitled to.  You also have every right to request a new key-worker.  Someone in your position needs support and by treating you the way that she is, she could have a detrimental effect on any progress you make.  Go back into the department and ask to speak to someone above her that you can explain the problem to.  I hope you get this sorted.