Am I over-reacting????

Question

My MIL and her mom have been saying little comments here and there ever since I found out my baby will be a boy. Actually, it's more like they forgot I was even pregnant at all. My sis-in-law and I both have boys already, and she is also pregnant with what will be their first grand-daughter. She is due 14 weeks before me. Yesterday I was shopping with my husband's grandma and we were looking at baby clothes (mostly the girl stuff) but anytime I would point out anything for a boy or put something in the cart she would say "well that's for a boy! You can't buy that for the baby" I said "grandma, it's for MY baby" and she just said "ohh yeah, ok" and this happened like 5 times! Then we had a family dinner last night and we were talking about stuff, and I told my sis-in-law that I would need my baby swing back. My MIL said I should just let them use it till their baby outgrows it and I said no, because then my baby will have outgrown in already and I need it. She said "that's too bad" and I asked her what she meant, that our kids were so close together? and she said "no, that you aren't having a girl too." I told her that I hope everyone isn't really as disappointed as they are acting because it is starting to hurt my feelings. Then my FIL as a joke said "no, we aren't disppointed, just hope you don't mind your kid being ignored!" I know it was a joke, but not appropriate at that time. . . I don't know, would this hurt your feelings too?

Answer 1

yes it would....everyone is excited to have their first granddaughter coming along, and its ok for them to be that way but its not ok for them to make you and your baby feel worthless.

As for the swing. since your SIL is having her baby 3.5 month prior to you, its not gonna hurt for her to use in untill you give birth. just explain to her that you are ok with her using it temporarily but since its your swing, and you are gonna need it, you shouldnt be the one to have to buy a new one.

Tell the family to back off, and if they wanna continue to make you feel like ****, then they dont have to be a part of the baby's life...or you can get your husband to have a chit chat with them.

Answer 2

YES!!! I would be very upset. I would talk to your hubby and tell him that you feel uncomfortable with the way that his family is treating you. If that doesnt work, then do not give them the opportunity to do it. Try ignoring them, not coming around as often, and when they ask what is wrong with you... simply tell them the truth!

Answer 3

No I would feel the same way too.  A little left out and sad for my baby.  It sounds like they might be just excited to be having a girl, since there hasn't been one yet.  But still, it must feel crappy to have to hear those comments.  

Actually the father in law may have made that comment to help you out in a wierd way.  That sounds like something I might say in the guise of a joke to make the MIL and Grandmother realize they were ignoring your baby.  Could that be?  If not, maybe it would be such a bad thing for your baby to be ignored by people would think like this....Good for you voicing that your feelings where getting hurt.  

Families can be so stressful, just try not to let it overshadow the joy you should be feeling for your son.  Try to surround yourself with people who are happy for you and your new edition.  

Bottomline- you can't change how excited they are or aren't for you.  You let them know you were hurt.  If they keep it up, I'd protect yourself and your baby by putting some distance.  If they protest, maybe they are more excited for your baby than they or you realize.  Good Luck!

Answer 4

uhm..yes!  Your FIL joke was not funny at all!  Yes, I would be offended.  I would have got up right there and then and went home.  How could a grandpa even joke about that.  My FIL wouldn't say that and I have 5 boys, no girls:)

You have every right to feel hurt and mad.  Babies dad...what does he think about what his father said?  Mine would have come unglued.  I would be cautious and watchful after your son is born.  It is an odd joke to make and might have a ring of truth to it, so just be careful.

Good luck.

Answer 5

YOU ARE NOT OVERREACTING! I understand where you are coming from. mil's can be like that some times. The same thing happen with my sister-in-law, she let a friend borrow her play pen and when she got pregnant with her 2nd child she asked for it back and the girl told her that her son was still using it that she would give it back after they got done. But it was hers people are so rude. It is probably because it will be the first girl but sometimes you just have to overlook people like that. Just distance yourself from them and maybe they will get the hint and if not just tell them how you feel.

Answer 6

You ARE overreacting.  It is their first granddaughter they have every right to be excited.  Once the babies are born they are going to love them all the same.

Answer 7

You are not over-reacting. Any baby... boy or girl is a blessing. Your in-laws are being incredibly insensitive and just plain old RUDE. I think anyone who would make "a joke" (ha ha ha) about ignoring a child is completely out of line and inappropriate. I can understand their excitement with the girl, because it will be something different, but regardless your boy should be welcomed and loved just the same. If I were you I would be very upset.  

Answer 8

No, you are not over-reacting. It is very insensitive of them to act that way!! I would be highly upset and might not visit them for a while, because of their actions. You are supposed to be enjoying your pregnancy and they are being rude to you and all because of the s*x of your baby?!? Hope that you talked to your husband about this. That's terrible behavior! Best of luck to you. Hang in there!

Answer 9

No!! you are Not overreacting. I would be just as hurt! I do not know who in their right minds would Say anything even close to that, especially to a family member! that is ridiculous. It sort of looks like they try to let you know that they are disappointed it's a boy..(like it's your fault...) so just turn your head and love your child as you would always have. They'll come around once he is here. :)

No one can resist babies, especially baby boys. :)

Answer 10

You are definitely NOT over-reacting! That is horrible that they are acting this way. You should talk to your husband about it and let them all know how your are feeling. They are acting extremely childish.

Answer 11

I can understand how this would hurt your feelings but I dont think that they are doing this to hurt you. I think they are excited about this being the first grand daughter. I would let my husband know how I felt so he could address his fam if things dont get better. Just stay positive and shop with friend from now on. LOL Good luck and congrats.

Funny story: This is my first child and I kept telling my child's father that we where having a girl. Well at my 20 week scan the doctor started to smile and ask if I was sure I was having a girl and I said yes I am positive. He then laugh and said well look at the screen. I did. He said do you see the hand I said yes. Then I said what is she playing with he said HIS p***s. LOL I laughed so hard. From that day on I loved this little guy inside me. I guess my son said I show you I am not a girl. I now see boys can be fun as well. Good luck to ya and God bless.  

Answer 12

Yes, completely.  And I think they really don't know how much it hurts.  They think they are being funny or cute, but in reality of course you want your baby to be as important as any other.  

Next time, I would be more direct and tell them their comments are really upsetting you and you are really afraid that they are going to "ignore" your son and he will end up feeling unloved.  Kids sense it too!

Answer 13

I have a mil with whom I must have a very thick skin.  I suggest you do the same, because it looks like your son is going to be ignored, so it's best you deal with it well so that your son knows how to deal with it too.  I have a feeling your mil is close with her daughter, so you get to take second place.  I am so sorry because I know it hurts.  Shrug off their comments and don't let them get to you.  It will only make you feel worse.

Btw, I would write off the swing and buy another one and don't let them borrow anything else.  Protect yourself.