Am I over reacting when it comes to my mother in law?

Question

Yea they are expensive. She got them a little cheaper but it was still 400 dollars and she kinda made sure her dad told us ( he cant have a secret to save his life and she told him how much it cost and she knew he would tell us) I bite my tongue but you can cut the tension with a knife and i feel like my daughter knows its there as well.

Answer 1

Nice to know there's other in-laws out there like mine.  When my first daughter was three days old I had just got home from the hospital and my in-laws turned up to visit.  When I took her and left the room to breast feed, my mother in law followed me into the bedroom (where I'd closed the door) to watch me because she wanted to make sure I was doing it right.  When my daughter fell asleep later on, they wouldn't put her in her cot, but insisted on holding her in their arms the whole time.  When she woke up, my father in law wouldn't give her back to me when she was crying.  His reasoning was that he had to calm her down and stop her crying before he passed her back, but she was hungry and needed a feed.  I couldn't get up off the couch easily to get her due to some internal damage after the delivery, and I remember feeling so helpless, crying, and demanding "give me my baby," and he wouldn't for about 30 minutes - just kept pacing back in forth in front of me telling her to calm down.  Now she's older, she has asthma, and has been hospitalised several times.  My mother in law tells me that none of her other grandchildren have ever had anything wrong with them, and what was I doing to cause her asthma?  I was 24 when I had her, which isn't that young, but I'm 10 years younger than my husband, and my mother in law is 73.  She's two whole generations away from me in parenting style and opinions.

I don't have any answers for you - now that my daughter is 5 my mother in law has backed off a lot, but it helps that my daughter is old enough to stick up for herself now, and tells her, "no, Mum doesn't let me do that. "  Maybe time will help you with your mother in law too.. hope so, but you have my sympathy

Answer 2

Oh good lord she is a tough one!! Fisher price toys aren't cheap!! Bargain!!

Maybe dont visit her as much i know as hard as that sounds! I would be going up the walls!! Unless u say something to her becos u mite just explode! I bite my tongue too often then just blow up!

Answer 3

Sounds like a mother inlaw from h**l, welcome to the club, I have one of those too, and all I can say is as long as you don't say or do anything things will only get worse as your daughter gets older, believe me I know this for a fact, Being it's your hubby's mother it's his job to have words with her and tell her enough is enough, but since it doesn't sounds like he will, then you need to do it. Because if your daughter grows up seeing his mother constantly disrespect you and your ways etc, then she is going to treat you the same way and probably other people too, My mother inlaw used to look after my step daughters whelie hubby was at work (before I came into picture) and she always did things her way not his way (their father), so I came into picture and recognised it immediately that she disrespected him all the time by doing so as well as verbally bashhim behind his back to his own girls (put him down cause nothing he did was good enough) so now we have soooooo many problems with them now they are older and saw this for years, it's a hard habit to break, so it's best not to let your daughter be exposed to it now. Simply state if she can't respect you and your ways then she can't spend time with your daughter as it'snot appropriate for your daughter to see such behaviour. Doesn't even sounds like she's taking good care of her anyway, why risk sending her back alone if she knows your daughter will choke on food etc. don't do it. Oh my step daughters are 15 and 12 now (been with them for 7½yrs now) and believe me you need to nip it in the butt before it's too late, Believe me you don't want to struggle like we are now.

((hugs))

Answer 4

Hi,

I am pretty sure your mil isn't trying to make you look or feel like a bad parent. At least she lives two hours away so you don't have to see her all the time. My own mil has never really taken much interest in the kids (not mine anyway) she buys them presents for birthdays and Christmas but thats about it. I think you shouldn't keep your daughter and mil from seeing one another, yes she may be a pain in the bottom but I bet your daughter loves seeing her (as I'm sure your mil loves seeing her granddaughter). I hope it all works out.  

Answer 5

Your child, your rules. If she can't respect your wishes and your daughter's needs, she can visit or not. That would be the last overnight trip my kid would have with her. If she can't properly care for her, she shouldn't have her. If this was a babysitter, you would have fired her.

I'd be most upset about the TO thing. If someone (even my Hus) took my son out of a TO, I'd be mad enough to spit. I believe whoever puts a child in TO should take them out.

My son has been doing TOs since 17 months. Your daughter isn't too young. I actually think it is easier to start them as soon as they understand they have to sit there.

Your Hus is WRONG. You are not over-reacting.

My family was buying too much stuff for my son, even though I kept telling them he would rather have little toy cars and balls. SO, the next time they came to my house, I let my son play with ALL his toys right in the middle of the living room where everyone had to walk over everything. No one had bought anything since.

There's really no way to stop the jealousy with your mom. MILs are like that.

Answer 6

i have the same problem with my MIL. i have a 2 year old son she take over with him i have no say so, over my son. she is nosing bossing ,rude my in-laws even know how much money we have at lease your MIL lives 2 hours away mine lives down the street. she come over anytime she wants without calling always at my son bedtime. i thank its a MIL thing. a friend of mine is having the same problem.

Answer 7

You are not over reacting.  Mother in law comes from h**l.  My one too wants to adopt my child... Apparently I am not a good mum because I work and she had the luxury not to.  She tries to beat me about just everything.   She buys him toys every day he's with her.  I have just registered my son to full time childcare because I am so sick of her.  If she wants rights, she'll have to prove she deserves them first.