Am I overly worried or do all parents?....?

Question

worry about their kids getting molested!? i heard on the radio that 90% of kids molested were by someone they knew mostly CLOSE family members! i always knew that fact but not the %tage. Ive even gone as far as ask my family would they and when they were like WHAT! i was like well it would be grandparents and uncles who u trust around your kids so i had to say something. i always wonder about the janitor and the teachers are pervs now i mean how do u get peace of mind? lately its all i worry about b/c theyre so young and are just starting school and are very shy.u know how predators threaten kids and they believe? i mean my kids are soo sweeta nd even though i tell them about strangers theyre still to young to really understand (2,3,5). im so worried is this normal. btw i not crazy just ver very very concerned and scared. so much is happening to chldren and not by strangers but mostly parents and loved ones.......any comments will help thanks guys sorry if it seems like im rambling and btw i completely trust my parents and family but after hearing those statistics its just like WOW!!!!

Answer 1

Trust me worry.... especially when they around people close to you. I recently found out that while my mother-in-law was watching my son while i was in vegas for my birthday that she would play with my son and my nephews wee-wees and measure them. so disgusting, i havent let her watch my son since.

Answer 2

No, you're not overly worried. In this day and age, it would be nice to have more "overly worried" parents. It was just on the news yesterday that someone let a "close friend" watch their 9yr old child.. and then the guy raped and tortured the kid.

The best thing to do is to teach your kids the differences between appropriate touching, and inappropriate touching. And make sure they know that if someone does touch them inappropriately, that they would NEVER be in trouble for it, but that it's something they would need to tell you. (this is important, because a lot of times when kids are in this situation, the person will tell them they can't tell anyone or else something bad will happen/they'll get in trouble/whatever).

Teaching your kids open communication is the most valuable tool you can give them when it comes to things like this.

Also teach them how to dial 911 should anyone ever do anything inappropriate to them.

Answer 3

As a Father of Four 2girls and 2 boys I can understand your concerns about our children. Teaching them about the reality's in life and what is right and wrong is essential in their development. I have never had a babysitter and their grandmother and Auntie are the only ones that have watched them. Even when I take my children to the movies I will go to the bathroom with my 13 year old and stand outside the door and make sure she checks the bathroom first. I may seem cautious however I live in reality. It makes me proud to hear your concerns because many parents today let there children run wild and never keep an eye on them because their excuse is they don't have time or are to busy. As long as you show true love to your children and teach them then everything should turn out fine.

God Bless You and Your Family

Answer 4

I know of kids who have been molested by 1) a grandfather, 2) the best friend of the family, so you have every right to be concerned. Kids feel ashamed and even if you ask them, they are not likely to tell you what happened, if something happens. It is not until they are adults that they might come forward. Molestation leaves permanent mental scars in most cases. My advice, generally speaking, is to be careful who you trust your kids with so matter how well you know them and no matter how sure you are that they would never do anything. You might explain in a general way what inappropriate behavior is towards them by adults. The worst thing about many molesters is that they build up trust with the children and the children's families. That is how they get away with it for so long. Good luck.

Answer 5

i worked with the Rape Crisis Center for 8 years.  I was a counselor and a hot line advocate along with being a hosptial advocate for those that were raped.  It is very true that the percentage is EXTREMELY high to get molested by someone you know.

The reason for that is because kids are taught not to talk to strangers...but those they know already have their trust.  It is easy to convince children that it is ok ...and that they would not betray their trust by making them do something that isn't good for them.  They convince them that they love them...!

I think it is extremely important to watch your children no matter who they are with.  I guess I lack trust in that area...but it is your job to watch for body language and listen carefully to their ideas and their values and how they react to certain subjects so you get a feeling of where they are and how they feel.

most of the time people ignore their instincts.  They think...no way...I am just imagining things.  NEVER IGNORE YOUR INSTINCTS!  No matter how silly it is...usually women's instincts are very much right on.  but they are told they are silly and just being a woman.

If you feel something is wrong...or not right...trust it.

Watch where you let the children stay and go because you don't know who will show up and be there with your children.  Be sure if you leave your children somewhere you know who is going to be in contact with them.

It is all common sense...you don't just TRUST because you feel you have to....you trust those that prove they are trustworthy.  When it comes to a child you are even more careful than you are with yourself.  

I had an uncle who was into p**n etc.  But everyone thought he was a good person.  Later they found out he molested three of his daughters and would probably have molested the last one had his wife not walked in on it.  I do not let my grandchildren or any child alone with anyone who has p**n in the house or if I know they are into p**n.  No matter how good they seem....p**n is a real flag that needs to be waved and flown and paid attention to.  I don't want anyone to tell me I am good and I watch p**n...the fact is ...p**n is taking advantage of women and most if not all of them are or were sexually abused or manipulated into it and can't get out of it or don't' think they can.  They are being used!  Don't believe anything you read about them being healthy and happy with doing it.  I counseled tons of prostitutes that were forced and sexually abused as children and confused s*x with love and thought that was the only way they could be loved.

It is good you are worried and concerned.  too many parents aren't...they allow their children to do anything and say they trust them.  It isn't trusting THEM that bothers me...but the world is crazy.  Children cannot make decisions as complicated as s*x and don't have the ability to stand up to bullies who take advantage and manipulate them into situations they don't understand.

Just like mothers that allow their children to be in the internet...they have no idea what their children are doing.  It is easy to get pulled into situations that are way out of control before they can be noticed for what they are.  

Just trust your instincts.  You don't' owe anyone an explanation of why you allow and don't allow certain things.  Don't allow babysitters to babysit unless you know them and have done research on them and checked references.

As for family members...you already know who is talked about and who has good values and judgements...do not allow your children to be with anyone you have any doubt about.

TRUST YOURSELF.....and talk to your children when they come home from someplace.  Ask who was there and what they did...don't make it sound bad or if you suspect something don't' fall apart.   if they see you get upset they won't talk..they don't like upsetting mommy.   They might not know what is going on and it will make them feel responsible.

Question them about who was there...what did they do...did they play any games...what games...how did they play it...if they ask why..just say...well if it is something you enjoy we could play it here!  TALK to children and make them talk to you....and keep them close!  When your children know you talk about things and get into the habit of it...they will talk to you just about anything!  And you will know your child's habits and conversations enough to know when something is wrong.

Answer 6

i have two daughters, and i worry about this constantly. my four year old is very pretty and tall for her age, so i know in a few short years we're going to have to worry about the airmen on base. i've also seen dirty old men at walmart stare at her, and it p**s's me off, and worries me at the same time. i know i can't be with her constantly, but if its an iffy situation, i'm gonna be there. we talk to her all the time about who can and can't touch her. and when my one year old is older, we'll do the same with her.  i have no solution for the worrying part, i think thats just parenthood, but i would say to never stop keeping an eye, and talking to them about bad people.  

Answer 7

I don't know if this is a big fear or not but I have worried about the possibility being there.

The best way to deal with it though is probably talking to your children in a way they can understand. (When we were little, we learned "No, Go, and Tell" in school. Meaning, if someone were to try to touch you you'd say no, and then go away from them, and tell someone like Mommy or Daddy that this person tried to do this.) If they can understand that it's wrong, and that they need to get away from someone, and go tell someone, then that's probably the best one can do for younger ones.

Also, just keep an eye on them, watch out for anyone weird or suspicious (especially if your child acts differently around them).

Answer 8

Im a new mother of a 15 mo old son and I also worry about him getting molested.  I recently found out that the adorable lil park near our house is a known meeting place for homosexual men to meet.  Im so sad that I cannot let my son enjoy the freedom of going to the park when he's old enough.  I feel like he's safe with my family members but I'd only allow him to be babysat by my Mother and no one else.  Its a sick world.  Dont let your kids out of your sight.

Answer 9

I think it is smart to warn and talk to your kids about a topic like this. Although, I do feel you are a bit too worried, schools take a lot of precautions with all staff that are involved with children in ANY capacity at all.

Most states you must have background checks at both the state and federal level and you have to have your fingerprints done at the federal level as well. Even janitors go through the same process, so it's almost impossible for an already convicted person to be hired.

Maintain an open communication with your kids and just be aware of who they are left with and the places they go.

Try not to make yourself sick with worry....