Am I overprotective here?

Question

My son who is 10 is invited to a swimming party, he has only had three swimming lessons so far. He wants to go but does not want to stand out by wearing a life jacket. This is a public pool with a million kids I presume, although the party will only have 6-8 kids at it. The parents are quite responsible people. my child is also I know there will be a lifeguard present, but still I am a bit worried. I could go but my son isn't excited about his mom hanging out either which I understand..he is calling me a ridiculous mother hen, on one hand I agree on another I still worry. Am I too overprotective this way? How can we both feel happy and relaxed about this?

Answer 1

Try talking to the parents that are going to be there before hand.  Call them on the phone or something before the party and explain that your child is not a strong swimmer and has only had a few lessons.  Maybe they can make sure to supervise him more in a way that does not stand out.  And that way you can feel better knowing that he is safer and you dont have to be there.  And asking them before the party not in front his friends shouldn't make him stand out as a not as strong swimmer.  Maybe you and your child can make some sort of deal that when or if the kids go deeper in the pool or some place he is not comfortable being maybe he can fake a stomach ache or something and sit out or go on the sidelines.

I work in day care and when we take the kids swimming you wouldn't believe how many parents come up to me and tell me that their child is not a strong swimmer (including those with older children).  When I hear this I let the other staff that are going along know and we keep a closer eye on them.  We also wont let the child go into deeper water (I normally dont hear other kids make fun of them for this, nor has any child complained of this)  A lot of pools required children to pass a swim test to go into deeper water.  You could contact the pool and see if they have any restrictions on this.

Answer 2

no your not overprotective. If you feel worried about your son but dont wanna go to the party, Get him floaties. I have been doing that with my kids until they learned how to swim.Tell him that if the kids ask why he is wearing those tell them that it is just easier to swim with them on.Tell him to tell his friends that its fun to swim with them on.

Answer 3

totally understand ur point of view but im sure there r going to b  gaurds and responsible adult at the party  time to start untying the apron strings

Answer 4

I would let the party child's parents know that your son cannot swim.  Also, if you drop him off at the pool, you can speak to the lifeguard yourself and advise him/her of your son's lack of swimming ability. They could keep an eye on him special since they would know that he doesn't swim.  I don't think you can ever take pool safety too seriously.

Heather made some very good points.

Answer 5

Make a rule that he stays in the shallow end.  So as long as his feet can touch the bottom of the pool, and his head is above water...that should be the rule.  When you take him over to the party, mention your concern.  Also let them know he can only stay in the shallow end.  If those people are as responsible as you say, I imagine that they understand what a serious responsiblity they have to these children.  It's good that you are concerned because you are a good parent.   If I were in your shoes, I'd allow him to go and do exactly what I just suggested to you.  I have a son who is not a swimmer yet, and he got invited to a party.  He had to stay in the shallow part of the pool, and the lifeguards were very aware of the kids.  I left for a while.  Everything went well.

Answer 6

I would be worried if he was younger.  At this age,  even with only 3 lessons he has learned the basics.  You let him know before he goes that you trust him.  No horseplaying or else the lifeguard will throw him out of the pool and you will have to come get him ( scare tactic that will keep him from horseplaying) .  If he wants to go and he is not scared of the water then he will be swimming like a pro by the end of this day.  He still might have to hold his nose but peer pressure and wanting to be like everybody else will push him to swim better.   Let him go and let the others childs parents know that he is not a strong swimmer.  The lifequard will be there and the parents will be there.

Answer 7

I totally believe you should stay!  That is not right to drop off a child for a swim party to expect the lifeguard and parents of other kids and the "birthday" boy to watch over your child and make sure he doesn't "DROWN"!  You are hardly a ridiculous mother hen - you are a Mother!  

Just go and keep your own eye's on him!

Answer 8

pools are life and death, in memphis, tn 5 teens have drowned at public pools. either he wears the jacket or you go with him. thats the only deal i would make with him.

Answer 9

Well, i think you should let him go, just to show you trust him, and if theres parents, and lifeguards im pretty sure you have nothing to worry about. I know thats easier said than done, just sit down and tell him that you need him to be careful, and follow rules.

Answer 10

if he isnt that strong of a swimmer, you're not being too overprotective, kids will do anything to impress their friends and he may do something that he can't exactly handle. speak to the parents of his friend beforehand (without him knowing) and ask them to keep an eye on him so that he can still have fun without being in danger. i understand his point of view though

Answer 11

I understand what you mean. But personally, i think that 10 is too old to be swimming with a life jacket. I get what you mean, he has only had a few swimming lessons. But let him explore himself and teach himself. Just tell him not to go into 10ft section. Tell him the limit. Say, 6ft is the deepest water section he is aloud to go to.

Good luck:)

Answer 12

I don't think you are being overprotective at all!  My 10 year old recently went to a similar function, I made sure the adult in charge new he was not the best swimmer yet, as well as had a very long talk with my son about safety, etc, beforehand.  Ultimately, you know your son, and if he is ready to be there without you.

Answer 13

I wouldn't send my kid to a pool party without me if he couldn't swim. I'd go and keep an eye on him myself. I wouldn't count on the parents at the party to do it because they'll have so many kids to watch and it's in a public place which will make it even harder. Actually if I were them I would insist that an adult accompany each guest at the party- that's a huge liability should something go wrong... Anyway, I'm sure the pool will be extremely busy- just tell your son that your whole family is going to the pool that day. You can sit in a different area so your son can participate in the party without you and you can keep an eye on him from afar. Then he won't feel like he's being babysat. Good luck! =]

EDIT: I see some people have suggested that you tell the parents of the birthday child your concerns when you drop your son off. I just wanted to add that you might want to call them ahead of time and see how they feel about it. I would be really uncomfortable if a parent dropped their kid off to me at a crowded public pool party where I was responsible for watching several other children and said "Oh, by the way he can't swim." They might feel ok about it but I thought it was something to consider before you make your decision. =]

Answer 14

If he wants to go to the party...let him. Ask him if he wants to wear the life jacket or not. If he does then he could just tell his friends that he does not know how to swim and they will probably not care. If he does not wear it then he could just swim his best and he will probably be fine. The worst that could happen would be that a lifeguard has to save him. That's not to bad. I hope this helped.

-Tara

Answer 15

u are not over protective. all parents worry like that. trust me, he will do fine. just let m=him have fun! if the parents are responsible and there is a lifeguard, there's nothing to worry about.

Answer 16

I'm sure he could stay in the shallow end and it wouldn't be a big deal.  Maybe see if he could take some toys to play with in the pool, like the balls that soak up water, so then kids will want to play with him in the shallow end.  It's not a big deal to just say "I can't swim"

Answer 17

Let him go there will be life guards just tell him to stay in the shallow end

Answer 18

Try talking to the other parents, let them know your child is not a good swimmer and your concern. Let the child go, I know you are worried but their will be plenty of other people there if something should happen.

Answer 19

Ok, I'm going to disagree with everybody.  If my kid couldn't swim, I would not send them to the pool without an adult who was watching them all the time ... and that's definitely not the lifeguard, who is watching everybody and could easily miss one kid going under, and nor is it the party host, who has other kids to watch and juice boxes to distribute, etc.

If it's a public pool with a million kids, go and sit somewhere unobtrusive where you can see your son but aren't right in the face of him and all his friends.  When they break for cake and so on, go sit on a beach chair away from the action.

Answer 20

Simple answer. He wears a life jacket or you go along. His choice. He's 10. How old are you? Since when do you ask his permission to do anything? Take charge. YOU ARE THE MOM!!!!!