Am I psychologically damaging my nephew?

Question

My nephew is three, and can be a real nightmare! He terrorises his brother, yells, breaks things, hits. I look after him twice a week. I have tried everything to get him to behave- (naughty step, time out, bribing, no sweets, confiscating toys etc.) Nothing has worked! He just doesn't care about those things!

Recently I invented a new punishment- I pretend I can't see or hear him. I look away, say 'I wonder where Jack went?' and then totally ignore him. and he absolutely HATES it! The first time he went crazy trying to get my attention, but now when he sees I'm ignoring him- he stops what he's doing and says 'I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'll be good', looking very sad until I acknowledge that he's 'visable' again. He behaves for about five minutes afterwards- which for him is really amazing!

My question: Is it emotional abuse to act like he's stopped existing? Am I giving him low self esteem? Does he understand it's a punishment, he doesnt actually disappear?

Answer 1

i think that if you have found a way to get him to behave which out resorting to being physical esp when he is physical with you and his brother  then its def a keeper. Its not abuse its a disciplinarian action, and it works.

Answer 2

You are doing wonderfully.

Well done you.

Attention is the reward he gets for acting up.  Take that away and the acting will go away.

It may take awhile but stick with it.

I believe in spanking but not at 3 years and not unless they are endangering themselves like touching the stove.  A slap on the hand or bottom is okay.  Otherwise your approach is great.

Good Luck

Answer 3

I think its okay. Not giving attention is an age-old tactic because attention is usually a big reinforcer for bad behavior in a child.  Dont know exactly what he can or can't understand though

Answer 4

Extinction is a common form of discipline.

It will not emotionally damage him or create low self esteem by denying him the attention or an audience for acting inappropriately.  Giving too much attention when he misbehaves can reinforce his bad behaviors.  Children seek approval for the things that they do, and most times, "attention" is the reason for the bad behavior.  

Its all about getting your attention, so... If he feels that he is lacking your attention then he will act up in order to get it.  Ignore his bad behavior (when it is safe too) and "react" to his good behavior.  It is much easier to reinforce his good behavior than to have to try and change bad behaviors.

There is no "one" right way to raise children and what you are doing is helping him to behave in an acceptable manner.

I think you're doing great!

Answer 5

I would not do this personally, it sounds like he needs some positive reinforcement.

Maybe he behaves like this cos he is feeling left out since the baby has arrived and this is his way of getting attention. We all know any attention is good to 3 yrs ols!

If he does something good, say wow darling thanks for doing .... nicely. If he breaks something say oh no that was not very nice, why did you do that??

Is he like this at home with his mummy??

Answer 6

You're doing exactly the right thing.  Completely ignore him when he acts up and interact with him when he's behaving well.

Answer 7

No, I don't think so. Hey...if it works right?

Your basically showing him that you will not except that kind of behavior and that kind of behavior doesn't get any attention. Just be sure to make a big deal about him being good. he will soon figure out that you ignore him when he  misbehaves and pays a tremendous amount of attention when he's good.

Make a chart for him, every time he is good, draw a smiley face in one of the squares, even better let him draw it.