Am I ready to be a mother?

Question

I have minded kids since I was ten.

I know how to make bottles, change nappies and I dint mind getting up every hour during the night.

I don't get frustrated when children cry I just comfort them.

I earn €50 a week but when he/she is born I'll have more money from benefits and the father so I can support him/her.

I don't have a social life so its not like a child will ruin it.

I have been doing babysitting on all ages for the past year for some more experience and I really really think I'm ready.

The only down side i can find is that I'm only 16 and I know I should really wait until I'm older but i don't know if I can wait as i think i was born to be a mother.

I am much happier babysitting than out with my friends.

What do you think?

Should I just go for it and ignore my age (I'm very mature)

or wait it out a couple of years?

Thank You

xoxo

Answer 1

Where do you live where you can support yourself and a baby on 50 euros a week????  Oh .. I guess I missed the bit where you plan to depend on welfare to support the two of you. (Or does your boyfriend -- who I presume is also wanting to be a father, have a really good, full-time job so he can support all three of you?)

You are 16. You have your whole life to be a mother.  You only have a few more years to enjoy your childhood.  

(I note that you say that you 'know how to make bottles.'  So that means you would not be breastfeeding?  Do you know about the risks of formula?  If not, you are clearly NOT ready to be a mother, because you aren't educated about the needs of a baby.)

Answer 2

I am 27 with 2 children and believe me 1 is hard work when your my age.  Its not babysitting where you can hand the children back this is a lifelong commitment 24/7 for 16 years or more.  A baby is not going to fill your emotional needs only make you yearn more.  I have been on the state when I lost my job its the hardest time in the world.  The state is the bare minimum to live on.  Be independent and get your education, get a good job to support yourself RELY ON NO ONE.  Then when you meet someone date them have fun then in a few years think about a family.  Believe me if you have a baby on your own you'll find going for a loaf of bread a chore.

Enjoy your youth your only young once make the most of it.

Answer 3

You are so not ready, no disrespect, but purely by asking this question you have proven that.

It's easy to say you don't get frustrated when looking after someone else's child for a short time then you are free to do your own thing again.  Nigh after night with no sleep is a form of turture, it certainly makes a difference to your reaction.

Perhaps you should find new friends if the current ones make you want to have a baby instead of going out?

Don't give your life up yet and become just soemone elses mother, firstly you need to have a life, seconldy you need to be in a loving relationship so that baby has mother AND father to love and nurture and thirdly please don't expect the taxpayer to pay to bring up your child.

Edit @ Bella: This is the one and only account I have ever had, not that I feel the need to explain myself to someone with a chip on their shoulder like you, but just to put the record straight!!!  

It is not unreasonable to ask that before you get pregnant that you can afford to bring up the child without the help of the state (ie our taxes!!!).

I have no idea what you are talking about, get over yourself, please.

Or - show me what you're on about, a link to the question maybe?

Answer 4

I understand that some women have wanted to be a mother all their lives, perhaps that will be you - you will feel complete when your first baby comes.

However, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, babysitting is in no way to be confused with having a baby.  There are times, colic, sickness, or just reasons known only to a baby when they just will not stop crying and it's just you.  The more adgitated you get, the more the baby cries!  Or, you are just so tired, and you pray someone, anyone would just take the baby away for a sleep, but, tough!  And, I am married, but when hubby was at work, and my first had colic, I was on my own.  

You don't sound like you have a "father" for this baby at present and rushing into a relationship with the soul intention of breeding, really doesn't say "capable mother" to me.  Living on benefits is not something you plan to do, if you find yourself having to live on them, that's a different matter, but you can't just have a life plan to churn out babies and live on the taxes of the rest of us, it's hardly fair is it?  What sort of message are you giving to your children?  It's fine to loaf and sponge as long as you really want to do so?  You say you are mature, but you don't sound it.

Please wait, until you are in a steady relationship, or better still, married, then think about children.  

Answer 5

I personally think you need more money to be able to support the child. You'll need even more when they grow up! I think you are too young to be a mother. Whenever someone in my school is pregnant, some of us think of them as kind of a s**t. Anyway, that was beside the point. If you can't support you child on your own, then you're not ready. You can't just depend on the "father" to always be there for you or give you support for that matter. What if he just wants to knock you up? How are you sure he won't leave you when you get pregnant? You should stop depending on others and depend on yourself. If you can't depend on yourself (for example, not being able to go through hard spots to be able to raise your child), then you are not ready. If you can't depend on yourself, how are you to depend on others? Get my drift? By the way, maturity doesn't mean you'll be able to raise your baby. You may be mature enough to raise a baby, but that maturity isn't enough. Maturity won't provide the money for the child, now will it? A job will, though. Wait for a few more years, or actually. Wait UNTIL YOU'RE READY. If you're asking this question, you're not ready yet, too. Good luck and I hope you make the right decision...for yourself. But if you do need someone to talk to, the community is always here to help you. =D And you can send me an e-mail if you want. Again, good luck.

Answer 6

I think you should wait. There are more downsides of being a mother at 16 then just age. Remember what you may want may not be what you think your "soul mate" wants. Talk it over with him and your parents. I don't think that you would be making the right choice if you do choose to have a kid at 16, but who am I to say if you can or can not have a kid. I just hope that whatever option you choose you and that guy are happy along w. the rest of your family. Babies are a lot of work and take lots of money!!!

Good Luck with your choice!

Answer 7

The best part of looking after kids at your age is that you get to give them back.

Wait till you're more mature and in situation where you are able to provide for a baby.

Answer 8

no one but you can make that decision, i was young when i had my kids and i now run 3 businesses and own my own home. i am only 24 now.

The decision you make will be the rite one for you because you made it on your own.

I am sure you are smart enough to make your own decisions.

Answer 9

Sorry, but you aren't ready.  You are only 16, and haven't really faced alot of the challenges life brings.  You need to finish school, and live on your own so you can see what life is truly like.  

As far as money goes- you won't have more money from benefits and probably little to no money from the father.  A boy your age cannot afford to pay much child support, if any.  A man over the age of 18 will be going to jail for statutory rape, so you won't see a dime from him.

Try watching a child for a whole weekend, with no parents around.  No one to call if you need advice.  Look at the expenses of having a child.  How much can you make working a 40 hour week, and subtract daycare costs.  Can you afford an apartment, utilities, a car, gas, etc on that income?  Most people with more education and experience can't even do that.

You aren't ready, but you are heading on the right track to get yourself ready for the future.  But most people in their early 20s aren't even ready.

Not to mention what type of childhood would your baby have?  A child has a right to 2 parents who love each other and love the baby who are trying together to make a life.  Your child will not have a loving father, or a pleasant carefree childhood.  It's not fair to the baby, whether you are ready or not.

Answer 10

You're not mature if you're planning to rely on handouts to care for your child.  A true parent works and supports her child herself instead of sucking the government dry.  What you just described is very irresponsible.  No, don't have a baby; you'd make a terrible parent.  

Answer 11

you are living in a dream world sweetheart, you dont have the first clue what being a parent is about, living on benefits!! i hope you know who pays for these, the tax payer love.

you think your mature but your just a kid.........you need to be in a secure long term relationship with LOTS of money,your own house and life experience.

you sound like a young girl who needs some attention please see a counsellor

Answer 12

NO NO NO NO NO NON NONONONONONONONONONOONONONONONONONONONON...

holy cow child, who taught you that it's OK to live off benefits? Is that what your parents do??????

Answer 13

At 16 thats disgusting... Supporting a baby isn't as easy as you think. 50 a  week? Try earning atleast 200 then think about it. You think its cute? its not. The reason you even think like this is because you don't have a social life, go out there girl. You are wayy too young to give it up, 16? come on. Why do you girls want to have a baby so young? Its depressing.

Answer 14

:) im 16 and pregnant and i done lots of things you have done because when my cousin was just a newborn i looked after her almost myself till she was about 2 when i was only 8 but it does not mean im ready too late now right enough anyway hold of and wait till your are much older :)

and think yourself lucky you are only babysitting YOU CAN GIVE THEM BACK with your own baby you are stuck with it

Answer 15

I think you better enjoy being a teenager.  Having children isn't all fun and games.  They get sick and keep you up all night crying.  They have to go to the doctor when they get sick and take medicine.  It's a 24 hour a day job.  It's not just dressing them up pretty and showing them off.  There is a HUGE responsibility to being a mother.........especially a good mother.  It also takes a lot of money this day and time to raise a child.  What you need to do is get a job baby sitting.  Stop thinking about having children at such a young age, you're just a child yourself...enjoy your youth.

Answer 16

Hi if this is what makes you happy and you are both ready for a baby then I dont think there is anything wrong with it, as even when you get into your 20's you will probably be doing the same thing you are doing now.

Me and my now Hubby wanted children since we were both 16, but we knew what people will say we are now 21 and married and have a baby on the way but our situtations havent changed. So it would of been just the same, as we were engaged at 16 anyways.

If you think it will make you happy then go for it, but remember that having a child of your own is different you cannot just go home you are looking after that child 24/7, and maybe even the babysitting will have to stop till your baby is older, but its your life and your decison, you know what you want out of life.

Answer 17

No, sorry, dear -- being a mother is 365/24/7 for the rest of your life.  Are you REALLY ready, at 16, to give up your life to that? When you are babysitting, it's easy to walk away after the job, and get on with your life.  You can't do that with your own child.

If you are unable to financially, emotionally and physically take responsibility for caring for a child, then you don't have any business having a baby. A child is, generally, better off in a family with a committed mother and father, because that is how children learn how to be good moms and dads later in life, and learn how to take responsibilityy for relationships.  And financially, while it may "take a village" to raise a child, it's unfair to ask your village to foot the bill for your own selfish desires.

And that's what it comes down to:  Selfish desires.  YOU want a baby.  YOU want the closeness, the intimacy of a baby. You aren't willing to give the child a stable home, a financially secure home or a father.  

Grow up some more, and work on establishing solid adult relationships, instead of breeding your own intimacies.  

Answer 18

Changing nappies and babysitting is nothing like being a mother.  If a 16 year old girl even is thinking about such a thing, she is far from being mature.  Do you think a babysitting salary is going to cover what is costs to raise a child?

Answer 19

babysitting someone else's child and having your own is not the same.

you need way more money then 50 pounds a weeks(that about $100 a week , which won't cover the cost of formula and diapers let alone clothes, toys and rent plus food for yourself)

you haven't mentioned if you where in a serious relationship or not, you really do need a father for your child and someone you can rely on and talk to.

Wait til you have a better paying job and a nice apartment, a good partner to raise your child with and some savings in the bank($3000-4000)

Answer 20

If you would need to go on benefits to support your baby then NO you are not ready to be a mother.  Why don't you spend a few years building a career and some savings for yourself, and then see how you feel about it ?  

Answer 21

No, you are not very mature - you are a normal immature sixteen year old.  When you realise this, you'll be a little more mature than average - and still not mature. Right now you're on the immature end of the spectrum.

£50 a week? That's pocket money. You can't even rent a room for that let alone eat. Benefits? In other words, you want people like me, who waited until we could afford it, to pay for people like you to have kids.

A couple of years? You may need to wait a decade. You need a home of your own, qualifications, a career, savings, and a stable relationship. You don't mention a single one of these things. "Born to be a mother"? The thought of being solely responsible for another human life should TERRIFY you. Stick to babysitting - you are still a child yourself who hasn't come close to even considering what the issues involved in being a parent might be.

Answer 22

I going to be 16 in October .My advice for is do not do it until u are at least 18 .Some people might think it is so fun to have a baby at a young age ,but when it actually happens it can get scary .Have u watched "The Secret Life Of The American Teenager" .I am much like u but I would consider having a child now .Think of school and your career .Good Luck .

Answer 23

No, I don’t think so. I think you should wait about 10 years. Young people are rushing for no reason. Some young people want to rush to get married, have children and get a mortgage. But what then? Grow old in the same place for the next 40 years. Don’t do that. I know 30 year olds that still don’t want to have children. They have amazing lives like living and working in about 4 countries and travelling frequently.

Answer 24

thank you.  your joke brightened up my day.

on the off hand you for some reason aren't kidding, no, you are by no means ready to have a child.  and not (just) because of your age.  let's review

(a) you have a unrealistic, frankly ridiculous idea on how much it costs to have a child.  even if your pregnancy goes completely textbook well and there are NO issues with the child at all, you can't afford to have one.

(b) you're assuming the father will give you money.  ha.  ha ha.  read more y!a questions about deadbeat dads

(c) you're asking strangers if you're ready

(d) you've based all of your childrearing knowledge on baby sitting

(e)  oh, i can just go on forever.  if you're serious, just go to your public library and read a book.  any book.  just get some sort of knowledge in your head.  if you're kidding, i salute you, you have managed to raise the ire of many a stranger, and have made teen moms look like idiots, thus increasing the anti teen mom sentiment going around.

Answer 25

You sound like you are great with kids, but babysitting someone elses child is alot different to having your own, find yourself a job and when you do find yourself someone who is stable and wants a child as much as you do (if theres already someone like that then great) at least wait until your in your twentys both my mum and my nan had children at an early..my nan had my uncle at seventeen and my mum had me at 18..neither could cope as well as they thought they'd be able to even though they are both great with other peoples children.

Answer 26

Do yourself and your baby a favor, wait until you are older.  

Find a stable, working, mature, kind, and loving man to be your husband then with him provide a life for a baby that you can be proud of.

Answer 27

if its what you genuenly want to do then do it.

Just make sure the person who gets you pregnant is aware of your intentions from the start else you will end up with trouble

good luck x  

Answer 28

You are not ready. You dont have an education or a job...$50.00 a week won't pay for anything..babysittin is pleasant....doing the job 24 hours a day 7 days a week for 18 years is another thing entirely...go and get an education and a job.