Am I really such a horrible daughter?

Question

My mom just called me into her room and started screaming at me and saying that I'm the laziest, most irresponsible, selfish brat of a daughter that you could have.

She yelled at me for not bringing up my dad's laundry, leaving one cookie in the tin, never doing my dishes, and expecting everyone to wait on me hand and foot.

I don't think that I'm that bad!

I mow the lawn every week and water the plants; I take care of the cat; I do my own laundry and my dad's; I wash my own dishes for God's sake; I bring in the newspaper for my parents...on top of getting perfect grades and being a good athlete, going to Church and Bible Study and just trying to be a kid!

She yelled at me for "not finishing the last cookie and leaving it for her to be my slave" and I told her, I took care of that today!

But she wouldn't believe me, even when I told her she could go down and look for herself.

I know I'm not perfect, but I try!

She's not exactly a stellar mom.

She makes me buy my own clothes.

She will usually make my lunch, but occasionally, will just leave a dollar bill and a note that says "buy lunch today" so I have to pay with my own money.

She's so mean to me!

Do you think I'm really that bad?

I'm so upset, I'm crying right now.

Answer 1

Yikes!

Answer 2

That's trippy. My situation is quite similar to yours.

As of late I refuse to do anything around the house because she lives like a pig and still has the nerve to say that I don't do the dishes (after she insisted that she hates other people doing them for her), or that my room is messy, (she has to clear a space to sleep), or that I don't prepare dinner for when she gets home from work (she never taught me to cook despite me asking and the kitchen is a mess with no room on the table because all her junk is there).

I can't stand church anymore because my mother is such a hypocrite and forced it so much on me that it is now just a chore to make her happy.

I went to boarding school thinking it might get better but I don't feel loved at all when I come home for holidays and am starting to wonder why she ever had kids. After my older sister moved out things were suddenly all my fault.

Maybe both our mothers just need someone on which to blame their own insecurities?

She's past menopause and although I am 14 that is no reason for her to constantly treat me as if I am stupid. Does your mum do the same?

Oh yeh, forgot to add: She buys me heaps of stuff and then makes me feel guilty for asking to be treated nicely. Apparently stuff=love.

Answer 3

no your mom's just crazy

and mean.

run away

Answer 4

This is what church does to people.

Answer 5

don't worry she's obviously stressed she has her own problems and shes taking them out on you.

Answer 6

I was thinking no until you got to the line after she's not exactly a stellar mom. I was expecting a decent reason, but from the sound of things you must have either your own job or an allowance that lets you pay for things, so why does it count against your mom that she's not paying for everything for you?

Answer 7

Tell her how you feel. Maybe she'll be easier on you.

Answer 8

Sounds like you just have bad parents. My dad always yells for little things too, like me rebelling against him. He doesn't realize I'm a teenager, and I'll rebel. Plus he's just a S****y wannabe parent. He thinks being an a*****e is a form of parenting.

Anyway, just tell her you at least do something, and there's kids out there who do absolutely nothing. Maybe tell her that she's just being a bad parent. It's not you, it's her.

Answer 9

I think your mom is unhappy for her own psychological reasons beyond what we can say.

I don't think you are a horrible daughter. I do however think, counseling can help yourself, even if your mom doesn't want to participate. She is verbally and emotionally abusive. It is unhealthily for you.

You are a teen and a young women at that. You will not be always perfect. You will make mistakes, you won't always do the laundry, clean your dishes or get good grades. It is normal to not do those things all the time. You are still a kid, it is normal. Even as adults, we still don't always do those things all the time.

She is perfecting you, because she is unhappy with her own life for whatever reason. Putting the blame on you than her own self.

I am sorry you have to deal with this, and that is why I believe counseling can help you through it. You can talk to your counselor at school or even look in google/yellow pages with some youth guidance counselors to guide you through this.

In the mean time, try to be on good behavior, do what you need to do and possibly not be home as much to avoid any conflict.

If you need someone to talk to, can email me if you like.

Answer 10

No, you sound responsible. I think she needs to realize there's other daughters and sons out there that do absolutely nothing. I wouldn't take it too hard. Nobody has perfect parents.

Answer 11

Your Mom is prob dealing with things that have nothing to do with you but when you do the smallest thing wrong she acts like you killed your sister or something. don't let it get you down if you do the things she ask and get good grades then i wouldn't worry with it just try and not make her upset with you. good luck

Answer 12

If you are middle child i could understand if not maybe you cant blame her if she has maybe problem loads prices are riving and she maybe have a problem with her bills and stuff cause i do everything in the house and my mom and dad work while i do the chores and my 2 other brother do nothing but play games (I'm the middle child) and I'm the only one who get yelled at while i keetheen house PERFECT

Its like the cinderella story but with Brothers and a mom and dad

Answer 13

just try to treat her better

Answer 14

talk to an adult at church or school asap. i kno how u feel. i felt that way too at your age. get help asap from someone you can trust. good luck!  

Answer 15

Well depending how old you are(under 15)....you can call CPS and you will have to live with another family member and your mom will have to take parenting classes.....true story

Answer 16

Well, now that I have my own kids I can see both sides of the coin. Yes, you sound like a very helpful and well adjusted young lady. Any mother would be very proud to have you as their daughter. But also, I can see your mothers side of things. There are days when things just get on top of us, even tiny things that just mount up and up and eventually we have to blow of steam some way. In life you always take things out on the person who you love the most. It's crazy but true. I'd just be really humble when she has a go at you, she will see in time that she is being unreasonable. As for you having to pay for stuff, my mum did that to me all of the time. From the age of 14 she bought me no clothes, toiletries or anything like that. It will make you a much stronger person.

Answer 17

   i think that your not a bad nor horrible daughter. your mother just ignore your presence and think that your just like that. and what you are doing doesn't make any sense to her. i think that because of her work, she might not appreciate everything because she is very tired and no more time to look for that things, also she want you to become more responsible enough to handle that situations.

Answer 18

WOW!  I am really sorry that you are going through this.  My mom was the same way but maybe a little worse.  I ended up moving out at 17 and never moved back in.  All I can say is you only have 4 years left and then leave.  It will be hard, I only had $2 to my name but since she was making my pay for everything (including rent at $200/month) then I already knew how to be responsible.

She now tells me about how horrible I was as a daughter and in the way that I treated her.  I graduated from High School while paying my bills and taking care of a place.  I graduated college while I had 3 kids (always her excuse for not going to college "I had 3 kids")  Now taking care of those 3 children on my own (she never left an abusive husband both mentally and physically because she had 3 kids).  I just let it run off my shoulders because the way that I see it;  I would not be the person that I am today without her.  As messed up as it sounds I know that she set such a bad example for me that I am a better person because I strive everyday not to be like her.

Hopefully you get lucky and get to leave at 17!!!

Answer 19

Your not a bad kid, see if you can move in with your sister or ignore your mother, that's all the advise that i can give you if you don't want to call CPS.

Good Luck and if you need to vent call one of your friends