Am I selfish? adoption?

Question

Please I need some advice from those who have been there..or just have some insight....When I met my now husband 5 years ago...I had just went through a divorce...and after dating for some time he and I discussed children...and I felt I didn't want anymore...so he had a vasectomy (which I tried to stop-just in case)..Well, I feel cheated..I want more children...and he regrets his choice to have the vasectomy...Should we consider adoption? We have a 19,17, and 9 year old twins between us...We have a stable home..financially secure..able to provide a loving home...another option was artificial insemination (my docs suggestion)...what do you think?

Answer 1

No! There are many many children who need you! They have no stable home or a family to call their own. If it's what you really want, go for it! You won't regret it!

Hope this helped,

<3 Kel <3

Answer 2

i think its great that you would think of adopting. As far as the reversal, they don't always work and can be very expensive and painful. Has your doctor discussed a procedure where they can retrieve sperm from your husband? sorry, not sure what it is called.

Whatever you choose, good luck!

Answer 3

If I was you I would adopt there is heaps of children out there that need a good stable home I would adopt for sure

Answer 4

Adopt from foster care - there are SO many children who need a home it's unimaginable to think of it sometimes!

Answer 5

The Vasectomy can be reversed.

Adoption is a wonderful thing! I was adopted by my father and I have twin cousins that were adopted from Russia.

Whatever you choose! God Bless and Good Luck!

Answer 6

Adopting is a much better choice.

Adopting a child will not only make you happy but make a child's dream come true!

Instead of having medicines which are  unhealthy.

Here are some sites which will give you some info:

http://www.adopt.org/assembled/home.html

http://www.adoptuskids.org/

http://www.adopting.org/

http://www.adoption.com/

http://www.theadoptionguide.com/

Answer 7

if i were you i would adopt.  there are so many children in the world who dont have familys who care for them.  i dont have any kids yet, but when im older i plan on adopting at least one.

Answer 8

I think you should read widely - from those that are the experts on adoption - the adoptee.

Here's a place to start - a blog written by a Korean adoptee - with oodles of links to other adoptee blogs - books - websites.

http://harlowmonkey.typepad.com/harlows_...

Adoption is extremely complex - an adoptee comes with a history - a past - and needs to know that past - and be allowed to love all sides of their family. (not made to feel guilty if they do one day want to search for their past)

An adoptee doesn't choose to be in the sad situation where they can no longer live with the one's that they are genetically linked to.

Living apart from those that you are genetically linked to can be very difficult - hard on one's sense of self - and self worth.

Adoption from foster care is adoption that is meant to help those kids that adoption is really for - those that need a loving home.

Infant adoption is full of problems - namely the fact that you/the adoption agency is essentially trying to talk a mother out of mothering - simply so you can once again be a mother. (instead of helping a troubled mother that usually just needs assurance and friendship - to know that things can often work out well - if they just get the support they need, Actually helping a mother and child stay together).

You are only selfish - if it's about your needs and desires - and not about the needs of the child.

An adoptee will NOT be another bio child. They can never be.

An adoptee comes with a totally different bio plan implanted - and could have different likes and dislikes - talents - looks.

Can you live with that - and can you embrace the child for who they are - and not who you want them to be?? (ie - do you want this child to be another child like your others - as that really won't be possible)

Just some things to think about - as too many people rush into adoption - without really understanding what it's really about for the adoptee.

I wish your family the best.

Answer 9

You can also consider surgery to reverse the vasectomy. This can be successful.  

Answer 10

Everyone who adopts does it because they want a child. I don't see how you would be more selfish than anyone else. I mean... there's really no other logical reason for adoption. If a person didn't want a child, they wouldn't bring one into their home. Even if there are other factors too, at some level it's about wanting to be parents (or to be parents again.)

Should you consider adoption? Sure, absolutely, consider it. It may or may not be for you, but there's no reason not to even research it.

I suggest looking into foster care adoption in particular (many of the children in the state care system are legally free to be adopted, so you wouldn't necessarily have to be matched with a child who might be taken away.) There are many children in need of loving and stable homes, and I think it would be great for you to research and think about whether you could provide that home.

Answer 11

How does your husband feel about having more children at this point?  You state that you tried to stop the vasectomy, but he went through with it anyway.  That sounds like he was pretty sure he didn't want more children.  If he's reluctant about having more, then certainly you should wait until it's what he's sure he want to do, as well.

Adoption is about finding homes for children without family, not about finding children for people who want [more] family.  With that in mind, if you do decide to have more children, a reversal of the vasectomy should be the first option, if it's workable in your husband's case.

Answer 12

As long as you take care of your children...do what ever you want...Land of the free  

Answer 13

Adoption sounds wonderful to me.  

Answer 14

i would adopt, but if you dream about carrying another child you could do what your doctor suggested.  If you were to adopt you would be giving a baby it's life think how wonderful that is.

good luck

:)