Am I still being unreasonable and controlling in our relationship? Opinions needed.

Question

I am in a relationship and my partner feels I am controlling, which I believe has a certain amount of truth. I have trust issues and suffer from low self esteem, I have been in a controlling friendship/relationship before. I am 21 and my partner is 23 we are having a child together. Tonight my partner is going out with his friends and dispite my issues, which I do not deny, I am doing my best to trust and believe that thats all he is doing, just innocently spending time with friends from work. I have not stopped him going out and tied him down just because I have issues , I dont not wish to controll him. I asked of him that after his night out he came back home in a taxi to me as we are living together and having a child. He however is staying at his friends house. He says this is because he doesn't want to pay £40 for the taxi when he can just stay at his friends and come back the next morning and the spending the money will be a waste of money and we need it for the baby. I just feel that he should come home to me as we are a couple living together and having a child am I wrong to ask this of him? am I still being controlling? or do I have good reason? Advice and opinions will be most appriciated. thanks Mum2be

Answer 1

i think u have a point. If u feel u have issues the basis of it normally is in your up bringing or childhood. However your partner could be capitalising on the fact that u r insecure and playing around. I'm not saying this is what he is doing but he needs to be supportive and help to make you feel secure. When u become secure his issues will come to the surface then the boot will be on the other foot. Good luck.

Answer 2

Trust him until he proves to you that he can't be trusted.  He has presented you with a logical explanation.  I would probably object if I was very close to giving birth but if you aren't, then give him space to breath.  I wouldn't expect him to do this regularly though.

Answer 3

£40 is a lot of money for a cab ride home.  It's a good thing that you are aware you have issues but you need to take a few risks for him to prove to you that your fears are unfounded.  Do something you really enjoy whilst he's out, watch your fav film or pamper yourself with a bath / shower or just have an early night.  Don't torment yourself thinking of all the bad stuff that could happen and just look forward to him coming home to you and your child tomorrow.

Answer 4

Actually , I do not know anyone who would accept this behaviour from someone they were living with and in a committed relationship with.  I suggest that you also make plans to go out with your friends on the same night - and on a few others as well- and stay over with them.  Do not argue over this - just let him see that you are not totally dependent on him

Answer 5

He is wise not to spend so  much on a taxi.

How come you do not go places together?

Answer 6

It's hard to say but I don't think you are being unreasonable.  It's time for him to grow up and be a family man now.  You both have a baby on the way, not just you.  His (over)nights should be in his own home, not crashing at a friends pad like he is still single.

If he can't afford the cab ride home, he can't afford to go out. It's a waste of money that could be saved for the baby too.