Am I suppose to give my engagement party gift back? ( i think she just wants it to hurt my feelings)?

Question

I was supposed to be getting married on Saturday, but my fiance sent me an email to call off the wedding. I emailed him back and got no response. Then, three days later he emails me to say his Mom wants the jewelry back that she had given me at our engagement party because it was very expensive.

I was really hurt and don't think I should have to give it back because -

1) It was new, NOT a priceless, family heirloom (if it had been passed down through his family, I'd give it back no questions asked)

2) It was a gift!

3) My parents were paying for the entire wedding ($10,000+), MIL hasn't offered a dime during the entire planning, but made a ton of demands.

4) My fiance's parents are Ghanian, so my parents paid over $200 to have a Ghanian caterer cook West African food for the engagement party.

5) I took the necklace she gave me to get it appraised today and the jeweler said it was cheap, not real gold and barely worth $40.00

6) Even if I were to send it back, I can't find the matching bracelet and earrings, only the necklace. So I think if I just send the necklace, she'll still be angry.

Answer 1

Legally I don't know what you have to do. But I've heard that the proper etiquette is, is that whoever is the dumpee, for lack of a better term, gets to keep the jewelry. Such as if he breaks off the wedding, you get to keep the engagement ring.

If it was me, and really wasn't worth any money anyway, I would probably just send it back. Just so you won't have to deal with them anymore.

Not sure what to do now that you can't find all the pieces.

Answer 2

Well there are a lot of question. but if all this is done bye email  there are some things wrong  how do you know  it was him? and for 40 dollars just give it back that way if you keep it will bring back thoughts. also if there is a chance to save the marriage she will still like  you.

Answer 3

I would tell her (not him) that you can't find the set (you should give her a good reason for losing it), but that you are more than willing to return the piece you have to her now and will call her when you find the other pieces.  If she genuinely asked for it, she will take the necklace and appreciate that you spoke with her directly, so she is more likely to lay off of you.  If he is pulling your chain, you just told his mom that he is being a jerk.  You win either way.

As for the wedding expenses, I would briefly mention it to the ex, but don't expect any real results.  Sorry.

Answer 4

you don't have to give it back but why would you want it. Do you even like it?

Answer 5

Just give it back! OMG you should be glad that the wedding's off do you really want to be tied up in that retarded family?!I feel for you hun i really do.

Answer 6

I know in Canada, by law, if the guy breaks the engagement the woman is entitled to keep the engagement ring.  I hope that you are keeping that.  But I'm not sure about the law regarding gift given by family members of the groom.  I would assume it to be the same.  Regardless, HE called it off, so you should be able to keep whatever gifts you received for your troubles.

On another note, a cousin of mine was supposed to get married this year and his fiancee (the bride) called off the wedding. After this, she attempted to give back all the gifts my aunt had given her through the years.  My aunt refused and told her they were hers to keep regardless if she married her son or not because they were GIFTS at the time that they were given.  

Answer 7

What really do you have to gain by keeping it?  Really think about this.  What is at stake...your PRIDE...EGO???  I think you should search hard for the earrings and bracelet and try really hard to find them.  If not just give her the necklace and tell her you can't find the other items and why.  Let her know you will definitely return them once you find them.  You shouldn't keep it no matter how much it costs. Let karma bite her in the ***.... and it will I guarantee you.  You need to get rid of that loser guy...no second chances...because if someone REALLY loves you they wouldn't back out of a marriage.  Step outside of you situation and analyze it from a different perspective.  You actually are really lucky you see the true colors of your fiance and HIS parents.  Get your closure and move on.  He is not worth it. }}}}}}} Oh yeah, you said you think she is doing it to hurt your feelings....HHHHEEEELLLOooooo....the guy called off the wedding not you!  What SHE is showing you is that she never really cared TRULY about you in the first place! Think about it.....

Answer 8

HE broke the engagement, so you don't have to give anything back.  If you had broken the engagement, you would have to give the gifts back.  By law, you can keep the gifts.  I hope you never see this jerk again.  He has a lot of nerve.  

Answer 9

I'd send back the necklace and just let her know I cant find the other piece but if you find them you will return them.  Do you really want a reminder of him?  Plus this way you can be free of him and his family.  

Answer 10

I would stop contact with your ex and his family, keep the gifts, and if they would like to press the issue legally, they'll find out little they have to stand on.

I am sorry for what you're fiance' did to you, but count yourself blessed you found out his true nature before you said "I do."

Answer 11

  unfortunatly, you need to send it back.  it would be in poor taste to keep it and would make you seem greedy.  it may also lead to a ton of legal issues if his parents happen to be those kinds of people.  it wasnt really a gift, more of a promise, and now for whatever reason, i am absolutly not judging anything, the promise has been broken, so the token there of must be given back

Answer 12

send it back with an appraisal certificate and a note that its not worth keeping

Answer 13

I'm sorry that you're in this situation, but i'd email him everything you just told us, because you have some very good points, and i'd keep the necklace

Answer 14

don't send it back..she'll get over it

Answer 15

It was a gift to you. Don't give it back.  I am sorry that he and his family are  such jerks.  You can do better