Am I suspicious? I am getting married but...?

Question

Hello

I am 41 years old and my fiance is 33 years old.

We know each other for two years and we met on yahoo personals.

On September we get married.

I love her and so my family love her too since the first time they met her.

I don't want to make it a big story but I will try to be short

My fiance loves me as she says. She takes care of me and we went to my country also to meet my parents. She has paid a pretty amount of money, eg: Trip to my country ,a loan that I owed, she helped me to buy things like tv and stereo that I couldn't afford my self.

We work both of us and we have a common bank account.

Now the problem is that I am not social but she is a lot.

What is bothering me is that sometimes she talks to men and I believe she flirts somehow.

Two examples: When one time we went out with her parents she complimented the waiter that he had a big smile. Another time she said to the chef if he is going to be at our wedding.

I hope that I am wrong and I have the problem. In this case I can do something and yes go to a professional

But if I am right then its gonna be a problem.

Please, just share your opinions or advices

I will appreciate it

Thank you in advance

Answer 1

It sounds to me that you have chosen an excellent wife with wonderful personal skills.  It is not inappropriate for a person to compliment a waiter or cook, or anyone else for that matter.  If she was fondling them or doing constant touching on them, you might have something to worry about.  She is just friendly, and a good compliment goes a long way in getting good service.  If you are in business, she sounds like a person that would be a great asset to you at dinner parties and social events.  She seems to know how to make people feel at ease.

You, on the other hand, sound a bit insecure.  This woman has helped you pay bills, paid for a trip to your country, etc.. and you don't trust her??  What would she do that for, if she did not love you?

You should try to trust more, and not take offense by her friendliness.  Perhaps it is a cultural difference that you will have to adjust to.

Answer 2

you sound pretty insecure man. shes just being friendly to other people and joking around. as long as she is not using explicit sexual flirting there's nothing to be worried about. go see a councelor to help you get over your insecurity. and good luck with your marriage.

Answer 3

Sounds like she's just being friendly. She's a social animal, and what seems like flirting to you, since you're not, may just be normal for her. Best wishes to the two of you.

Answer 4

I feel what you are experiencing is the difference in your personalities.  She is outgoing and you are not.  My husband and I are the same way.  I very often compliment people, whereas, he wouldn't think to do so.  That is simply my personality.  I am not flirting.  My husband has never acted jealous or told me this bothered him.  We have been married over 13 years and I love him more now than I did the day we married.  Considering what you have written about her and what she tells you and has done to benefit you both, I feel what you are seeing is just an outgoing person.  Try not to make it something it's not.  If you were to find her alone with a man, up close and acting in an intimate manner, then you would have something to be concerned about.  Everything you have said she has done, she has done openly.  I don't feel you should worry.  Because you are not social, you may be reading more into her actions than are there.  You must decide if you can accept her as she is.  What I've shared with you is based on what you have written and also on my experiences.  

Answer 5

no you aren't .....because i'd have faced the same kinda doubt, if i was in your situation, its natural for a male to be protective towards his female companion, you better speak with her and resolve things, dont let suspicion pile up within you, once if it explodes, then may be the consequence would be too harsh  

Answer 6

Dude you're tripping hardcore

Lol she was just being socially polite

Its okay for your lady to have guy friends man

Just make sure they're not s******g around

Answer 7

take viagra and keep her mouth shut

Answer 8

What she has done is not flirting. It is just minimally social and polite.

It is you who has the problem. You do not deserve this woman. She has already shelled out her money for you, for things you couldn't afford to do for yourself, and your thanks iss to be suspicious of absolutely nothing.

41 years old and a financial burden on a younger woman, and jealous every time she is polite to another man. Shame on you.

Answer 9

i don't think there is problem with that... i mean she commented on waiters and chefs... that's ok...and she told chef for your marriage so why worry relax.. consult a professional and get the insecurity out... your fiancee seems pretty good don't lose her due to little insecurity... good luck...

Answer 10

You are really insecure in your roll as a man. Let's face it she paid for the trip to your country, bought you things like a tv, stereo that you can't pay for yourself. You have a good thing going here and you are worried because she pays other men compliments.

The only thing lacking in your relationship with this woman is your own self-esteem.

Answer 11

Sorry, but you have the problem. She tells a guy he has a nice smile, she talks to other men- don't you talk to other women? She is marrying you. She loves you. But I can tell you that she will not love you if you start to dictate whom she can compliment or talk.

I have a best friend who is a man. We have been friends for 18 years. Sure my husband was freaked out, but now they are good friends. He would have missed out on a great friend if he had been so threatened.

See a therapist. You don't want this ruining your life and marriage to a great woman who obviously adores you.

Answer 12

She is just a polite, friendly person.

She seems to look after you.  Why would she help you out with money if she didn't love you?

She sounds like a great woman, don't let little things bother you - I'm sure she is true to you.

Good luck with everything  :)

Answer 13

I dont think you should worry about your wife. i mean if she is a social person, she may compliment someone and say things just because thats how she is. that thing she said about the chef, im sure she was just really happy with his food and wanted him to cater? i dunno, but you probably shouldn't worry. your wife seems to love you very  much and wouldn't be flirting with people around you, or at all...

hope i could help!

Answer 14

Make sure you get a prenuptial before the wedding !

Answer 15

I don't know what country you are from but most people in America don't feel that it is wrong to compliment the opposite s*x or have conversations with others.  

American women have become independent in the past forty years and they don't feel that they have to answer to their husbands about who they can talk to.

It might be hard to understand because you have been raised a different way.  I'm sure she doesn't mean to hurt your feelings and I think you should accept her the way she is.  

She obviously loves you or she wouldn't be trying to make a life with you. Just try to be more understanding and don't take it personally if she is nice to others in your presence.  

She is a lucky lady to have someone like you who is willing to understand and reach out for answers.

Congratulations on your wedding and I hope you have a happy life together.