Am I the most ungrateful mom-to-be ever?

Question

I'm 22, and pregnant with my first child. I'm in a good situation education-wise, and I have a wonderful partner who is also college educated and is very excited.

Everyone around me is excited about my child and I love them for that. Its the first grandchild on each side of the family, first great-grandkid to two set of grandparents, the first niece/nephew to 7 aunts and uncles. In addition none of my close friends have kids. All this excitement has started some crazy shopping sprees. My sisters and aunts have pretty much outfitted the baby for its first year, and bought bibs, blankets, and pacifiers. My friends are excited to have a reason to go out and buy 'cute' baby clothes for the first time.

On top of this I get IMs and phone calls to go look at 2ed hand strollers, cribs, and carseats every other day. I feel like all of the cheaper things (like clothes) are taken care of for me, and because I'm young everyone assumes I should save money and buy the expensive things 2ed hand. I feel like I don't get to pick out anything for my child!

Thats depressing to me. I had looked forward to picking out outfits for the baby and a neat stroller that suited my personality. Now I feel like I don't get to pick out anything, or get to do any fun mom-to-be shopping. It makes me really sad to have that taken away from me, but I won't mention it because the clothing is already bought and I do honestly realize how ungrateful I sound.

Answer 1

Honestly, you can have depression while pregnancy. its a very common problem. Talk to your doctor about it.

Your exactly where I was. SCARED!

If your worried about the big things, dont!! If everyone is overwhelming you , gently tell them I appreciate the offer but I have enough for the baby. If you dont feel you can afford stuff, ask for gift cards from a specific place in leu of "gifts" save them up and buy your items.

Answer 2

i felt pretty much the same when i was pregnant with my 1st.

Go out and buy your baby clothes, car seats and strollers, you could always sell the gifts on ebay (i know its cheeky but hey...)

congratulations and good Luck xx

Answer 3

I understand what you mean, when I had my son 13 years ago I had my heart set on a pram I had seen.  When my son was born my husband's grandmother presented us with an extremely expensive old fashioned pram.  I hates it with a passion!!!  I has a mixture of feelings because part of me felt very ungrateful, but then the other part of me was was very resentful that I would have to push my son around in this huge, un practical monstrosity for months.  In the end my mother in law saved the day and bought me the one I had wanted a few months down the line.

Answer 4

go out and buy some cloths you want for the baby. it will make you feel better . believe me, you will need more cloths than you think.  sometimes you go through several outfits a day. try to be glad you have a lot of cloths for your baby. all of us were not as fortunate. i do understand how you feel though. don't be so hard on yourself.

Answer 5

The baby is going to p**p and pee and spit up EVERYWHERE. I understand you wanting everything to be perfect and picked out by you but kids cost so much in the long run and grow out of everything your buying now, or everything everyone else is buying so fast.  

Answer 6

some ppl might think so but i know how you feel you wanta be the one who gets to pick stuff out!! your the mother so you should just explaine it to them ok?

Answer 7

I'd be a little mad too..Its your first baby..Have a shower and get all the brand new neat things! I would just be like "Wow, I found the stroller and car seat I want for the baby and I can't wait to get it" Or just mention that you did a baby registry and you'd really like to have some of the new stuff of there since its your first..I'd take the stuff and maybe give one stroller to your mom or something for when the babe is at her house..but other than that get the brand new cute baby stuff you want! Its your first baby! I would take the things..I would just keep mentioning the things that you "plan to get" ..that way their won't be any room for someone to say "look at this used stroller or whatever" Your the momma, you will be taking care of the babe day by day..And if they try to tell you your ungrateful..let them know its your first and you want it to be everything you ever dreamed of and you don't like the way they are trying to take that from you..Its every first mommys dream, to be able to have all the new goodies for the baby! good luck hun! and your not ungrateful

Answer 8

wow snap our of it and stop being rude. i think you are being extremely ungrateful. take what you can get you will need it. god forbid something terrible happened you would feel pretty awful about the way you are treating everyone. i lost my baby a few days before christmas last year and would give anything in this world to get pregnant again but of course i cant. either stop acting this way or give your baby up for adoption to someone who doesnt behave like a child.

Answer 9

You are definately an ungrateful mama 2 be...Why not refuse the gifts and spend money on everything....

Answer 10

exchange some of the outfits and get what u would like.  what are the odds of people actually seeing your baby in the outfit THEY bought?!?!!?  

Answer 11

Just because they've all boughten the baby lots of clothes, doesnt mean you cant still shop for stuff you like or want for your baby..and as for strollers and crib etc, if it really bothers you then take it upon yourself to get those things or tell them how you feel i can understand you wanting to shop for your baby as youre excited too..They are just excited and want to be a part as well..it happens you should be more grateful for their help theres tons of people that cant even afford the necessities needed for a baby.

Answer 12

You're the mom.  You're the one who will be dressing your baby each day.  Go out and buy whatever clothes you want if you can afford it.  I would not even mention it to all the "gift buyers".  Its awesome that you have so much support but I understand where you are coming from.  I would just go shopping and get what I wanted too!

Answer 13

enjoy it now because when other babies start coming in the family the focus will be on them. And if you have a second child you will find there will not be such a big fuss. Does that mean people love them any less? no.. but nothing can compare to the excitement of the first baby.

and babies grow fast, you will have plenty of chances to buy things for them!!!

and also.. I think you need to realize how lucky you are, many couples do not have the great support you have when they first start a family!!

Answer 14

I can understand where you are coming from but many people would love to be in your situation. I think it is best not to mention it as you said and graciously write thank-you cards to people. They are only trying to help.

You will have a lot of time with your baby to do it "your way".

Answer 15

You can just decline their offer to check out the 2nd hand stuff, and let them know that you would prefer to make that purchase yourself, in the pattern of your choice. As far as buying the clothes and stuff like that, let them know that you are going to pick out baby's coming-home outfit. I loved doing that for my 2 kids! And maybe you can get the special occasion outfits (Christmas, birthday, etc). It's really awesome that you have so many people around you that are willing to help you out! Just accept that blessing! I wasn't quite as lucky, but was very grateful for the things that were given to me.  

Answer 16

I don't think your ungrateful you sound pretty overwhelmed to be honest and your right its your baby but think about this from their point of view they are also excited about the new baby, and i so wish we had family like this because no one helped us at all and my mum and dad did all they could and we did have to get second hand sometimes, but just take the baby things you given and use them when they come around and then you can get what you like for your baby save offending your family..  

Answer 17

Hi -

I think you are having a normal reaction.  I would do like another poster said and get a few outfits of your own that mean a lot to you.....maybe the "going home outfit"?   You could also get some of the bigger clothes since the enthusiasm of your child will wane a bit.

    Don't be sad, you will opportunities for a long time now to "be the mom".....picking out the first bike, Christmas, first school backpack etc....

    You may want to mention your feelings to someone you feel close to and trust.....just in a calm way.  You don't want to focus on the situation too much and then one day when you're raging hormones, you snap and vent like crazy and then everyone thinks you're just ungrateful.  Try to maybe keep one thing to shop for yourself.....(the stroller, the baby book, the crib bedding etc...) and let it be known.....but in a kind, appreciative, gentle way.  Most family should understand your feelings.....especially women.

    And then again, save your money so that you can have photos taken of your baby like crazy that first year.....no one ever offers to pay for that!  GOOD LUCK!

Answer 18

Well, let them get stuff for it, it doesn't mean you can't get stuff as well.

Answer 19

No, you aren't ungrateful, they sound like my family. It's your child and they will likely continue to dote on your as they share in your excitement. Have you thought about putting together a wish list on babiesrus.com or target or some such? Put the higher priced items in there and let someone else pay for them - and be sure they are the ones you really want! I'm not sure what your financial situation is, but you might even consider talking to some of your relatives and friends that you feel would be more understanding and let them know that you appreciate what they are doing but everyone has gotten to the point of going overboard and request they purchase the items on the list if they truly want to get something for your baby. This would allow you to purchase some of the smaller and more personal items yourself.

Also, since this is your first baby, let me give you a heads up on some potential issues down the road.

The hospital: Set ground rules well before delivery or you will be interrupted every five seconds by another well-meaning family member or friend. Labor is called labor for a reason, it is difficult and your patience can quickly wear thin if you aren't medicated. Decide in advance and be clear on who can be in the room with you. Remember, it's your day, be pushy, you will only have your first child once! Don't let any family drama interfere with it.

Coming home from the hospital: Well meaning as they are, you will not get a moments rest if you aren't clear that you want some quiet time for you, your partner and your baby to bond. Stress how important this is, they obviously love you very much and should be understanding. Personally, I lowered all my blinds and literally put a do not disturb, baby is sleeping! sign on my front door and sent my phone right to voice mail. Even though my baby wasn't sleeping, it gave us the much needed time to adjust to our new life and our newest family member. We scheduled time every few days and invited only a few people over for a short visit. Once we were feeling more like ourselves, we all got together as a family.  

Answer 20

its ok its over whelming but keep in mind your baby's not really gunna now who bought what sleeping and whether or not his/her stroller is second hand right?!  and believe it or not you will have to buy stuff i promise i had a full dresser full of sleeper and diaper shirts and little outfits well up and over what i had expected.. but i had 6 sleepers in the newborn size and she pooped through her diaper spit up on them and i had to buy more soo i wouldn't have to do laundry every other day. really it doesn't matter who buys what and from where think of it this way your saving money and ththat'sore money to put into the babies future trust me diapers are pricey try telling people yoyou'dather not them buy you stuff but give you gift cards just in case. also you'll get to spend more time holding and cuddling your baby seeing as youwont have to run out everyday because you don't have something you need your not ungrateful just overwhelmed really.  

Answer 21

I understand where you're coming from. When you're pregnant, espcially with a family like yours (this being their first and all) everyone is so excited to go out and by all the cute little clothes and blankets, socks, booties, bibs, bottles, etc. But when it comes to the big stuff, they don't seem to buy that as much. I think it has a lot to do with some of those things are quite expensive and people don't want to spend that much money, in a way they do expect the parent to buy those things because they feel that it might make other people giving gifts feel bad because they bought something expensive, so then the other people might feel obligated to buy something expensive and some people just can't afford it. That and they leave that to the parents to get that stuff because their are so many different designs, sizes and patterns these days they would want the parent to have choices on what they want for the baby. I never liked doing the second hand thing either, I bought all matching new name brand stuff for my first child and it does get quite expensive, so with my second I didn't the gently used stores and found that the quality is pretty good. So I don't think you sound ungrateful.

Answer 22

You're not ungrateful at all, it's your baby and you should choose what you want to have your baby in! The best thing to have done would be to register at your local baby store (babies r us, walmart, target) and if someone wants to buy you something refer them to the registry at that store. They can go to the store print out the items you have choosen and find exactly what you want. If that option is even still open for you. I was by no means willing to use someone elses stroller with some ugly design that didn't match my carseat LOL. If the registry is too late you should ask to have gift reciepts given with any gifts so if something you don't like you can return or exchange it. Don't worry if it "might" sound ungrateful because it doesn't everyone has there own personality and wants the items to fit so!!!! Good Luck