Am I the only one who sees a problem here?

Question

I have been on here for quite a few months and have been shocked at how many hopefull adoptive parents seem to not find it important to learn their soon to be child's native language. I have even seen posts saying oh well they'll learn English soon enough or their just babies. Why is it that people do not realize the importance of langauge for bonding reasons as well as the overall wellbeing of a child any age. I also wonder do people no care that one day their adoptive child may wish to visit his native country and not speaking the language of his birth can be very devastating to him as he is learning about himself and finding out where he belongs. Should knowing the language or taking lessons be a requirement in adopting from a country with a language different from your own.

Answer 1

I have mixed emotions about this.  I feel that maybe you should learn some pharses to help with the adjustment but language is very hard to learn especially when you are an adult. Yes it is not imposibble but you will have to go classess or listen to tapes then practice on a small child and you are not even sure if you are doing it right. I do feel that for internaitonal adoption you should learn the culture and even some  dishes and holidays. That will help them feel connected to their country.  I think in doing that it will be like forigen families here .  There are studies that show that usually by the third generation the language is gone but culture stays. This is what happens.

The parents come over and speak little english so the native language is spoken in the home then the kids learn english in school. They get married maybe to someone from the culture or out and they make an effort to teach the language but  they speak alot of English so the child does not have a hard time in school by the third generation they don't do the langauge anymore but they still do traditions.

So think of your self as a third generation family

Answer 2

when a family adopt a child...there giving that child the best gift ever...a life in the states...a life with love and freedom. If they were not adopted who knows what kind of life they would have, not as good more and likely if they were given up for adoption in the first place. There being adopted to the united states we speak English!!! Any one who lives in our states should speak it well!!!! Yeah learn a few words to get by when you first see them and teach them English. If they want to learn later in life that's great. If you go and visit take a crash course to get by. You dont have to speak the language of the country to teach them about the country.

Answer 3

I agree also!! I speak basic mandarin, and learned it specifically for my chinese children. It has been a great way to bond with my son especially, and he's told others that speak mandarin that it made him happy that he can talk to me and I can understand him. Plus its great to be able to say "go brush your teeth" or "stop hitting your sister" when you need to.

I never want my kids to feel out of place around other chinese people. I will do all I can to help them retain as much of their culture and heritage as I possibly can.

Answer 4

Very intelligent question!  

I agree with you 100%!

Answer 5

vaild

Answer 6

O.k. Devastating?

Devastating is having nothing, being unwanted, being socailly ignored and overlooked. Davastating is growing up in substanderd conditions.

The child who is adopted may always have conflicts with thier upbringing, but at least they are brought out of an orphanage. The child adopted has people who want and love this child and are willing to sacrifice to be there for this child. Better then plenty of parents who walk away halfway through thier job!

Knowing the language, learning a language as an adult is hard HARD. You are saying after 45-60 hr work weeks, after driveing, after meals, after filling out endless streams of paperwork the families screened and put through the wringer "should" learn a language they cannot use in the country they grew up in and will remain in and will teach the child to adjust in? The language would be seriously stunted regardless of practice. I lived four years in Germany, I can understand alot, but my child who is naturally half german, cannot and will not have great proficiency in the language because it is not spoken by every friend, every other human they come in contact with!

This child will always have two countries if she wants, and yet I feel like she will never be deprived or stunted by my inability to learn or teach the language as long as I try to teach her respect and honor and let her ask she will be properly adjusted and loved in the country she is raised in.

You're asking for an adoptive family to have great records, money, time, house, screenings, and oh yeah.. speak greek, russian, indian, chinese, spanish etc., in case your child is from one of these countries? what if you're working with an agency that places from more then one country? gain proficency in six differnt languages in your spare time? The child will have love, the language that is universal, you are superior and rude to expect others to conform to your idea and think it should be law would ruin many many effective good families before they even start!

Answer 7

I think it would be great to learn the language but I would hate to make it a requirement. I think about all the children that might not be adopted and that makes me sad. I rather them be adopted because, realistically, most people wouldn't be able to meet this requirement.

I'm not saying that's a good thing though by any means, or what I would do myself.

Answer 8

I absolutely agree with you - and I think it would be great to make it a requirement.  After all, adoption is supposed to be in the best interests of the child - not the best interests of the adoptive parents.

Answer 9

I believe that all adoptive parents should be very attune to the heritage of their adoptee.  It is utterly important for the well being of their child.

Answer 10

I'd take it one step further and learn the culture.  In adopting a child, you're not just adopting him/her, but you're adopting it's history.  Our world has become so connected, we can travel anywhere in the world with ease.  Eventually the child will likely want to return to his/her birthplace and should have at least some knowledge of the culture and language.

If you want an english child, why not adopt locally?  That would ease the cultural and language barriers...

Answer 11

I agree with you 100%. Desh did you read the whole question. What makes you think that a life in the states is the best possible life. However much better he is living in the states that does not mean that you are absolved from doing any more to enrich his life. You are still required to do what is best for that child and bring him to the stats is not enough. This question also has nothing to do with the the adopted child learning English but as an adoptive parent doing what is best for their child and learning the child's language as well.

Answer 12

No, you're not the only one who sees the problem.  To many, there is no problem, and therein lies the reason.  

Bonding is of paramount importance.  However, in the case of an infant, cuddling and making soothing sounds counts.  Language will come in time, of course, and as parents it's up to us to see to it that our child is taught their language of origin.

Some of us aren't capable of learning foreign languages ourselves, but we can hunt up someone who can teach our adopted child.

It would be great if clubs were set up for this specific purpose.  With many children being adopted from overseas, perhaps it can be done.  

Thanks for bring this up.

Answer 13

Valid point.

Answer 14

I couldn't agree with you more.

Answer 15

I agree, too. We adopted Russian children and I learned enough basic Russian to get by without a translator for most things (not the legal stuff, of course.) I also learned some special phrases that might be comforting to my child (time to eat, it'll be okay, etc).

I was really surprised at how many people, even people adopting older children, hadn't learned *any* Russian at all. In fact, both times I was the only one in our travel group who knew any at all.

Although our children were young toddlers who weren't speaking yet, they certainly *understood* some Russian and responded much better when spoken to in their native language.

Sadly, I don't think I know Russian well enough to teach them to be bi-lingual, but I'm hopeful that when they're a little older, we can get a tutor to teach *all* of us to speak better.

Answer 16

I agree.  Adoptees should never forced into a mold of someone they are not just because it suits the adults in their lives.

In any event, being bilingual these days is a huge asset and children have a greater capability than us adults to learn more than one language at a time.

Answer 17

I don't think it should be a requirement, but maybe adoptive parents who show an effort to learn the language should be given preference.

Answer 18

What a wonderful adoptive mother you will make. We have 4 adopted children and have done this with them all...Language, cooking, prayers, and culture. Shame on those who do not realize how important it is to the child to know not just where they came from via map but to speak the language and even know the religion and foods of their homeland. Good Luck.. I would make it a regulation to at least be learning these things from the begining. I for one can tell you it is not easy for adults to learn another language so an effort through out the process shows how much you are trying.

Answer 19

No, you are not the only one.  I could not agree more.  Even if adopted as an infant, children hear language in-utero.

Sadly, I think that the things that you see here are typical American arrogance when it comes to language.  I travel in Europe and Asia frequently and am horrified to see American tourists who have not even bothered to learn the basic niceties of the language of the country they are in.

And, yes, I think that language lessons should be required.  I have been on some adoption forums where the adoptive families are learning the native language of the children that they plan to adopt.  Kudos!!

Edited to add - see missjen - the answer below me.  She is spot on.  Adoptive families should be required to learn the culture too.  Cultural education should be required for domestic US adoptions as well.

Answer 20

Certainly in general it’s beneficial for anyone to be multi-lingual  

If a family wants to learn some of a foreign language as they are adopting a child from that country that’s great. But I don’t think it should be a requirement. If someone adopts a baby or young child and that child wants to later on learn the language of the land they came from they certainly can do it. The parent could probably even find a classes. Heck they are even starting to teach Spanish at some preschools and grade schools  just because being mulit-lingual is a true advantage.