Am I the only one who struggles to plan a wedding and keep everyone (family!!) else happy at the same time??

Question

Am I the only one who struggles to plan a wedding and keep everyone (family!!) else happy at the same time??

Answer 1

yep a marriage costs a lot...but i dont think u should make it a must 2 please evry1

Answer 2

Stop trying to make everyone happy. Make yourself happy and don't worry about them. Most of your stress will be gone if you do this.

Answer 3

I think it's important to take into account who is paying for the wedding!!

Our venue limited numbers, and there were friends we couldn't invite, yet our parents had friends we hardly knew there. It was tempting to be angry and frustrated about this, but at the end of the day they were shelling out a lot of money for us to get married.

Console yourself with the fact that the honeymoon is entirely yours and so is the rest of your lives together. At the end of the day the wedding is mostly just a big party and it's over in a few hours.

I hardly got to see everyone there as it was, and I really didn't notice what anyone else was wearing etc... we had in the end!

I guess it's different if you are paying for your own wedding and family are not contributing...

Answer 4

Sandi, Just like I told my mother unless your going to pay for my wedding your opinions don't matter in the least. I would just tell everyone that.

I have a cousin going through what you are right now. She has a mother she loves.. and an fmil she loves... They are lovely women.. get along great.. but their opinions are opposite.. She and her FH told them both that unless they are willing to step up and 100% pay for the wedding, their opinions didn't matter. YES this caused alot of hurt feelings, but they were NOT willing to fork over any money for the wedding of their children.

I think it's really funny how other people think it's OK to put their 2 cents into someone elses occassion. It's rude, and disrespectful  (IMO). Good luck. :)

Answer 5

My fiance and I were not prepared for the amount of work involved when we got engaged. We asked for help in the planning from both our mothers and that almost ended in disaster. My mother wanted this and his mother wanted that and neither of their wants were what we wanted.

So we pushed back our wedding date and started all over again.

We 'laid down the law', so to speak, with our mothers and made it clear that we were paying for everything and although we wanted help with certain things we didn't need their help, that is what wedding planners are for after all.

All that drama happened two years ago and in four months we get married.

I think it helped us and our relationship not rushing into the actual wedding. We took our time, went over everything, double checked everything, triple checked and then rechecked everything a few more times. We oversaw every single minute detail ourselves and I think it paid off.

The wedding is approaching and apart from a few bumps in the road we are not nervous wrecks (surprisingly) and we're looking at our wedding day as 'just another special day to add to our calenders'.

Answer 6

No, hon, you are not the only one...

But you also won't be the first, nor last, to learn that there's no possible way to keep everyone happy, and to just do what you think is best, cause this is a day YOU and your guy should enjoy.... Everyone else is supposed to tag-along....

Rule of thumb: Make the ones who are paying for it happy first.... everyone else comes second (... or third... or last!)

Answer 7

Oh god no way.  my friend had histerics when she tried to plan a wedding because trying to work out where everyone would sit made everyone mad..

Answer 8

No you aren't..Just got married a month ago and trying to keep hubby's family happy ( huge Italian family) was a nightmare I was calm right up to the last 2 weeks and then just felt like hiding under the sheets. I didn't know what it is about weddings that gets people so mad then I realised that many people are just rather selfish or insensitive. Stand your ground or just say yes and do what you want...it will all go well..get fiance to help. all the best

Answer 9

Even if you do, I don't think you should! It's your (and partly yout husband's) wedding! You should keep yourself happy!

Answer 10

I took the opinions of my mother, and my now mother in law, very much into account. I love them both, wanted them to enjoy the fun of planning, and was aware that our wedding was incredibly important to them as I am an only daughter and my husband is an only child. My Mother had a few bonkers ideas but we are all good at compromising, so there were no disagreements.

Answer 11

I cursed at my Husbands grandmother on my wedding day because she had stuck her nose into everything. I took it for months and then I snapped. I finally called everyone, the florist, cater and etc and changed everything so that it was what I wanted and decided no one else mattered but my husband and me. I was much happier to have it my way then she smarted off about how I had no sense of style or class because I had a white dress with a red over lay and I told her she could take her class and style and sit on it because you can't have a wedding without the bride and thats me so shut the F*** up and sit down.

Answer 12

Oh god no way!!!!!

oh i have been planning my wedding since i was 21!!!!!

im now 24 as we wanted a long engagement!!!

in the end its what you and your fiance want!!!

i never thought that and always wanted the familly happy when i realised that a year ago its what me and my fiance want and to worry about what each other thinks!!

Good luck and congrats!! :)

Answer 13

Lol absolutely not, its a time when emotions are running high and it only takes one relative to take a huff and everything goes downhill from there but you need to remember the old saying you cant please everyone all of the time.  and remember its the bride and grooms day so everyone else has to make a little compromise

Answer 14

Not at all!

What you need to realize is that it is your wedding and people need to give you some space.

I have ended up not telling people about things or showing them things until after I had bought them all and then if they don't like it "too bad, I already bought it".

Answer 15

We sat down both our Mums, and told them that as we were paying for our own wedding, even though we respected their opinions very highly, we would not be taking any suggestions for the wedding planning, and that we would create the guest list ourselves.  They were really cool about it, and it saved on drama.

We also elected for a cocktail style wedding reception with lots of chairs and tables and couches scattered around so people could choose who they mingled with, and we had no seating plan to worry about - It was so relaxed and easy on the day !

Answer 16

lol! This is what every bride stuggles with. Weddings can bring out the best in people but more often the worst in people. Families and friends can have huge fights over simple things like napkin color and everybody and their dog tries to tell you what you to do. If you have family members or friends you don't get along with, or his family doesn't like you, it can make things much worse. Trust me, you are not alone.

Answer 17

Its impossible. I tried for a long time to make everyone happy, but finally just said **** them, this is my time to be happy... This last weekend i got into a a swearing yelling fight with the Future mother and father in law over the wedding flowers... I could have shoved my foot up there butt for making things so diffucult. But we got over it a few hours later and we are happy as clams.. so even if you make someone mad, they will get over it. This is YOUR day and not theirs. Good luck

Answer 18

you're defintely not the lone ranger. A lot of people go through this. My advice is, this is YOUR time (and your fiance's). Make it about you two, and not everyone else. Talk with each other, make a plan, have a united front, and everyone else will deal. It should be a wonderful time , not full of stress and strife.

Personally, I ran away and got married on a ski slope :-)

Answer 19

Ohmigosh no. I am still having too many problems even though we've made it clear we're doing what we want.

My fiances mother is a *****. She hates the style of bridesmaid dresses we are looking at. My fiances sister is my 2nd bridesmaid, she is a beautiful girl but my mother in law keeps telling us shes too fat for the style (and shes NOT fat at all). Both myself and my bridesmaids love the styles.

Secondly, again, my mother in law is having a hissy fit because my fiances godparents are not invited. He hasnt seen them in almost 6 years.

Thirdly, according to M.I.L - we must have 2 photographers and they must be friends of hers.

She also hates that I'm having a white and pink cake. My fiance wants white, chocolate and caramel mud cake and im fine with that but M-I-L isnt. She cant even eat the cake because she has diabeties.

She dissaproves of my fiances groomsmen - both are his best mates.

I havent chosen a bridal gown yet but according to M-I-L i probably wont find one that will look nice on me because im too skinny.

My fiance and I discussed eloping because he doesnt want a fight to break out but if we do that she will "hate us forever" "I cant believe your discussing that your the most selfish people ive ever met".

Grrrrrr! Trust me your not the only one that struggles.

No matter HOW HARD YOU TRY, someone will be unhappy and make your life a misery!

Good luck babe! Im thinking of you xoxo

Answer 20

Try visiting this online forum http://www.weddingcup.com. Since it is focused on wedding, you have a better chance to find your answer there. This is a common place for couples and wedding professionals to exchange their ideas. You can search for similar question, post your questions there or chats with others who seek the same interests.

Answer 21

OH MY GOD NO WAY !!!!!!!!!! haha

We have managed to fall out with my fellas family big time. We are getting married abroad, we are paying for it all ourselves and it's our dream wedding, his mum turned around and said "oh i don't see why you can't do it in a church over here"..... firstly I'm not a hypocrite and were not religious so why do it in church.... our beach wedding is £2000 a church wedding and all the trimmings is £20,000 so i said if you contribute towards the wedding then you have a say, until then keep out. This went down like a lead balloon lol, i was called all the selfish bitc*es under the sun. Luckily my fiance agrees with me and we have stood united on this, because i know some people would have taken their families side and the wedding is over before the marriage began.

Good luck i think were all gonna need it haha. It's your day you do what ever feels right for you, if family do give you a hard time just go with it, if they love you all differences will be put aside on your wedding day.

Answer 22

Girl you can never make anyone happy! I tried as well!! Just make sure to keep yourself happy! That's what I finally did, was what I wanted! Do what is going to make you happy! It's YOUR wedding! Do it YOUR way!! Good luck!!

Answer 23

I've resigned myself to the fact that no matter what you do for your wedding, who you invite, how much you spend, etc, people LOVE to complain about weddings.  (They didn't do this, there was no this, they did this for their centerpieces .. wasn't that weird?, etc.)

You will never please everyone because there are such high expectations put on weddings.  I hate it!  I don't event really want a wedding and now I'm having a huge, traditional wedding and we almost couldn't do it in the month we want, just to make the family happy.

I would rather have a happy family (because it's their day too) but even picking the date, we've moved it twice because we picked "bad months" that my fiance and I were in love with, but others felt the weather and timing wouldn't work for someone I've never met who lives out of the province (how likely are they to come to my wedding anyway?)

I understand how frustrating it can be, especially if you have a particular vision of your day, because others are so judgmental of it sometime.  I've find it helps to be very flexible on somethings, but firm on things you feel are very important to you.  That way your family will feel included and that they have input, but you can still feel that it is your wedding, and it is what you wanted.

I really believe that weddings are a family event, it's not just about the couple, it's about two families coming together and celebrating their way is important, but I also agree with you that sometimes planning that celebration means dealing with a lot of personalities and strong opinions and brides and grooms get caught in the middle.

Good Luck!