Am I too INTOLERANT to be married? Or am I too sensitive about thoughtlessness?

Question

I just read a post where someones husband keeps buying stuff with the debit card and paying ZERO attention to what he spends. So, at the end of the month, she is having to scramble to fix the hemorrhage of money! She said she's spoken to him 30 TIMES in THREE years!

I read another post a few days back where someone was married to someone who insults them in public and finds it funny. They keep telling the partner to stop the insults and they don't...

I read this advice column every day called ANNIE'S MAILBOX....I can't begin to tell you the annoyances people put up with there, just to be married to some jackhole!

When someone tells me to stop borrowing their pen every time I walk past their desk, they only need to tell me ONCE. Why? Because I feel if someone is telling me to please stop something, they mean it. In most marriages, telling someone to 'Stop being a Jackhole' doesn't seem to apply! I don't want someone telling me to stop doing something 30 times before I get it, and I sure as h**l don't want to to have to tell someone to stop doing something 30 times before THEY get it!

Am I just lacking the marriage gene? Am I too intolerant or just too old? OR is the world running out of thoughtful, self aware people?

Answer 1

You're not intolerant...you're considerate. And you expect people to be considerate of your wishes as well. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. I'd love to know more people like you in this world. it would be a much happier place!

Answer 2

I don't think you are lacking the marriage gene. You are lacking the "I tolerate idiots" gene. I myself lack that gene too.

Some people just like being married and will put up with alot to stay married and not deal with divorce (failure).

Answer 3

People act foolishly before a marriage.  The spendthrift nature doesn't change with marriage.  People either marry too soon or don't ask the right questions.  Maybe they don't really know the person that well.

Answer 4

no your not wrong it's just people don't know how to choose life long partners, or their not intrested in their flaws because their so ready to be married. no your not lacking any gene you just have to find the right person that you don't have to tell 30 times to stop something before they get the message, your not to intolerant more people need to be like you then maybe the divorce rate wouldn't be threw the roof, yep we're running out of our supply of self aware people.

Answer 5

It's a matter of communication and consequences.

In a marriage, you need to communicate and if you decide on something, go through with it! And if a partner doesn't listen, it's mostlikely because the other one let's them!

Answer 6

No, your completley right. A lot of married people have no respect for each other...why? Because they got married. If that had been a newer relationship, I am sure those people would have stopped, out of respect and because they want to please the person they are with. And once that paper is signed....seems like too much goes out the window.

People need to respect their spouses. Bottom line. Forever is a long time.

Answer 7

No, you're good. Respect should be STRONGER in a marriage.

Answer 8

There is sometimes a lack of consideration and respect in marriage. Sometimes when people are asked or told to do something in a relationship they fail to realize a request for a compromise would make peace and they feel like they are being controlled. It gets to be a vicious cycle in marriage with that power struggle. Its hard.  The marriage gene doesn't necessarily mean that you get used to asking for what you need from a stubborn person. It would be nice if that gene made people's love for one another freely sacrifice and submit to one another with confident kindness. Oh how I wish (with my separated self..).