Am I too needy? Is this normal? ?

Question

I've spent the last 20 years with anxiety-- trying to pretend that I'm above it rather than truly, truly relax. Now, I feel as though I've turned this corner in many ways and am really trying to naturally cure my anxiety through time alone spent truly relaxing my mind and body. However, one vital thing I've realized is that I've spent almost all of my life keeping all of my feelings hidden and contained, and that I can only truly relax without anxiety and depression slowly taking over when I sit with someone and talk for a long time about exactly how I'm feeling: I'm completely open and honest with them, used to be my Girlfriend and Best Friend and Brother, now my Girlfriend is gone and my Brother and I...are close but just not talking as much. I'm about to go back to college after this crazy summer of learning these things about myself, and I'm terrified: I need to talk to people like this, I need to, but I feel like I need it every god-d**n night and HOW can I possibly achieve that? I don't have good enough friends--something I plan to work on fixing and cultivating--but even if I do cultivate it how do I ask them to sit with me every night and, primarily, talk, because my anxiety is too intense otherwise? I am going to therapy, but it doesn't seem to be getting anywhere...I'm scared and it's boosting my anxiety and I'm dealing with my girlfriend breaking up with me and ultimately I just don't know what's going to happen in 10 days when I have to go back to this place where I'm 1000 times more lonely than I am here WHERE I'M ALREADY LONELY. I'd really like to hear that it's OK to ask this of people and to try to show them that talking and being open can help them too (Because it can, I believe most people don't recognize how vital it is) but I don't know, I think I need an unusual amount...like this, tonight, I'm writing this because tonight I couldn't find someone to hang with and talk...I'm so god-d**n lonely and hurting and unhappy and I just want to relax and feel OK.

Answer 1

Chatrooms can be good in this kind of situation, because everyone is going through the same thing, and you can talk every night if you need to, to whoever is there.

It is a bit demanding to place your need to talk every night on one person, because it kind of puts the responsibility for your sanity on them.  I've had such extreme anxiety like that before I know how you feel.

What worked for me was having real self-control around my daily life people.  Even though your whole being is screaming out I feel so scared and isolated I must have someone to meet my needs NOW!  I forced myself to have self control and tell myself that is unfair to expect of people.  When they said, "ok, I'm going home now". i just smiled and said that's fine, not putting my burdens on them.  Then these people actually end up liking you because you lay down your own needs and force yourself to put what they want to do first.  Because you are not pressuring them to want to be with you, they actually want to spend time with you because they feel free to be themselves.

It really works, and you can always visit the chat room to say how you really feel and there will always be people there.  And once your real life contacts start to want to be with you the anxiety diminishes anyway.

Blessings

xxxx

Answer 2

I dont know much about anxiety but sometimes I do feel lonely too. I think it is good that you are letting your feelings out but not a lot of people will be able to listen to you every night. How about keeping a diary? sometimes writting is a very helpful way to let your feelings and emotions out... and as of feeling lonely.. how bout a pet? like a puppy..? it is quite a good feeling that someone is waiting for you everytime you come back home.. :) I wish you the best.. and I am really glad you took your time to realize what was wrong and tryto make it better..

Answer 3

it's hard to find a good therapist sometimes, perhaps you should try someone new? also, i think people are social by nature and we all are needy to some degree, it's when it starts to get controlling, then its a problem. wanting to talk to people is not bad, just let them know. i know where you're coming from and i usually vent in my blog when there's no one i can absolutely turn to.