Am I treating him like a baby? I'm new to this step mom thing?

Question

Well my fiance's son and I have been getting along, he's 12yrs old. The relationship between me and his son is still in its early stages, but it's going well so far. I do care for his son and I'm treating him as if he were my own son (although I have no children). My question is,,how do I know if I am "babying" him? Like fathers are more stern and strict with their sons,,,and women tend to be more nurturing...

like would it be bad or babying him if I brought him lunch at school, or the day of the test put an encouraging note in his back pack? Or is that stuff you would usually do with girls (that's what my mom did with me when I was small,,,just wondering if it would work on a 12yr old boy)...

thanks

Answer 1

I think that would be very sweet things you want to do for him, he is very lucky to have you as a step-mother. Just care for him as if he were your son like your doing and you can't go wrong with that!

Answer 2

I think bringing him lunch to school could be going to far and might make other kids pick on him, but a note in his back pack would be nice.  Maybe you need to talk to him and ask him how he feels about this.  your just showing him that you care and support him.

Answer 3

BRINGING LUNCH: I would pack it for him Monday-Thursday, then as a special treat every other Friday bring him pizza or Wendy's/Mcdonald's. Something as a treat. If he would like.

as for the note thing;  I wouldn't do it everyday.. just random days. Considering he is a guy, I'm not sure I would recommend it.

Answer 4

I don't know if he has any rejection in regards to you being his step mom. Does he have a good relationship to his mother? I do the things you described for my children as well. I have two girls and one boy. At his age he probably wants to be cool and not being seen hugged in public and so forth, but I think he wouldn't mind a secret note of encouragement. I'd ask about bringing him lunch. I meet my 12 year old daughter for lunch at school and she loves it, but there are other kids who don't want their parents there. If she decides to do that, fine. I am then going to volunteer at school so the she knows I do care and I'm around, even when I'm not right next to her. It's a good thing. It's not babying. Go for it.

Answer 5

That's not babying him, that is encouraging him. Good job, step-mom he needs this weather he admits it or not! Teens need affection and encouragement just as much as younger kids but they will act like they don't.  My 14 year old is going through a phase where she rejects my hugs and blows off my words of praise, but she'll get over that in a few years. We have two other grown children so I've been there.

Just be careful about doing this in front of his friends, 12 year old kids are pretty sensitive about this stuff.

Reward him for good grades or behavior with things that he is in to. For example if he is into reading, surprise him with a new book.