Am I truly suffering from low self-esteem? my stb ex husband and my oldest son's father....?

Question

Well my oldest son 11 father, is now paying me child support after 10 yrs. And I know it's hard out here, why do I feel bad for collecting child support. Then for my stb ex, he thinks by being nice, and manipulating me I will NOT file for support. I didn't file in the past b/c I knew his income and his debt and felt sorry b/c they bang for child support. So my question is how do I stop feeling bad for getting child support? Is it a lack of self esteem on my part, feeling like I don't deserve it? I do feel like it was my choice to lay down and make the babies, so it's my obligation to take care of them. Whatever the fathers do are extra. I hate that I don't have the anger and bitterness to take the max. I only asked for $250 pr wk from my ex...that's MORE than enough for me.....and feel guilty if I ask for more. (my ex make $900 pr wk) What can I do to make me feel differntly and want more? My kids don't need for anything, they constantly have and some.

Answer 1

In your case, low self-esteem comes from not being too bright!  

Take the money, but use it to place into a trust fund for your children instead of spending it frivolously.  

Answer 2

Sassy Lady, you I believe are truly in the minority.  Regardless of whether or not you really need the cash the fact of life is that the father should be financially responsible for helping to raise their children.  I am a father and had to pay my ex wife for many years and certainly did not begrudge doing so.  The courts would certainly side with you and you should not be concerned about his debts etc., because trust me the courts don't give a d**n about his debts.  They will certainly let him know that his number one priority is caring for his children.  Sounds to me like this guy is playing you for a fool and you are allowing it by stating you have low self esteem. Sure you are right that it is half your fault for getting pregnant by laying down with these men but the other half of the blame rests on their shoulders.  Believe in yourself and your kids and do what is legally right and belonging to you.  Trust me if the shoes were reversed and he had custody he would certainly be going after you for financial help.  Best of luck.

Answer 3

for me its pride.  i dont need a man draining his account to support me.  and ya, the child is 1/2 mine and i will do my share or more.  i get very little and i dont ask for anything over and above.  it has nothing to do w/ self esteem.

Answer 4

Lady, maybe your feeling guilty, because your saying  ME, ME, ME.  Sorry sweetheart, but CHILD SUPPORT is for the KIDS........NOT YOU!!

To stop feeling guilty, give to the kids.  IF you feel the kids have enough, then start college savings for them.

It's not about YOU!!

Answer 5

when a parent has a child and can financially support them by law they should be and one should n't feel guilty over that..if you feel like you have self esteem issues..then you can seek out professional help

Answer 6

You deserve to receive what they are legally obligated to pay.  I do see a self-esteem issue in how you feel here and I wonder if that issue had a hand in two failed relationships.  Please seek counseling, through a church or an agency.

Answer 7

You are a very classy lady.  If you aren't hurting financially put it towards a college fund for the kids.  Then you won't feel even a little guilty and get let their dads know that a portion or all of the money is going towards their future education.

Answer 8

You do not suffer from low self esteem.  It is part of your personality.  You seem to accept that it is your responsibility to bear the burden.  I suppose it is partly from your upbringing.  You have a good heart and moral conscious that is why you do not ask for more.  You should asks for and get support.  They participated when the babies were made and so have a responsibility.  It is admirable that you don't try to take advantage of the situation, many women do.  You should ask for support that is reasonable for your children to get the right care (food, shelter, clothes, schooling etc.).  If you also work then $250.00 from each father may be good.  Your situation suggest that you have what you need so don't ask if you really don't need it.  Take what is necessary only.  Are the fathers involved in the childrens lives?  This is also something to ask for.  What is most important is that your children have the things necessary and live in a loving home.  Thumbs up for doing a good job.  It is not all your responsibility so it is OK to ask for help.  Good luck.