Am I wrong? If so how do you get over someone you truly love and want to be with?

Question

this guy is my uncles son but not my cousin (from a former marriage so we are not related) i liked him since i was 14. he went away and came back 13 yrs later into my life. that was six months ago. When i saw him again i felt so happy but i didn't realize i still had feelings for him. Even then, there was nothing to be done because at the time my husband and I were still together, although we were having a lot of problems. My husband and I then decided to separate. This was about two months ago. I immediately started a relationship with this guy and to be completely honest, No one has ever made me happier. My husband and I are starting to go through the motions. He took most of his things. though he has ssome things still at my house. I know that my husband still loves me and if things were up to him, we would still be together, even though in the heat of the moment, it was his decision to leave. But to be terribly honest, i don't want to go back, even if this other guy was not in the picture, our relationship was not what its suppose to be. I want to end things amicably with my husband, and he comes over the house to use the computer, grab his mail and such. I have always been honest and told this new guy when my husband is there and i have reassured him that it is him i want to be with.Even with all that, he broke things off because he cannot stand the fact that my husband still comes over. I have tried to tell him that i cannot tell him not to use what we both paid for, but he just doesnt undertand where im coming from. Am I wrong for not wanting an agonizing divorce with my husband. How can I let this guy know how much he means to me and that i want to be with him?

Answer 1

You're not wrong for not wanting an agonizing divorce. However this other guy probably feels like a 3rd wheel when you're ex-husband comes by. He can't understand why you're being so "nice" to your ex. It sounds like he believes when you're done with someone you're done. You don't have them over for any reason.  If he's not willing to see things from your point of view, not willing to accept your decision then that's his loss.

  Try talking to him again & if he still doesn't want to accept your arrangements, then you'll have to let him go... unless you're willing to let go of those things you & your husband had together. If you're willing to let those things go, then you might have a shot at getting this guy back.  

Answer 2

All you can do with the new guy is just tell him like it is ,,,, It's up to him whether he wants to believe it or over look it ,,,, Some guys just aren't comfortable with being involved with a married woman regardless of the situation with her present husband ,,,,  There is such a thing as a friendly divorce you know but I think you are trying to ride a fence here with out realizing it ,,,, Maybe the new guy feels this same way too,,,,  You can't open a locked door until you put the key in and turn it ,,,,You said you want to get a divorce anyway and that just might be the key to this new guy ,,,, You can't expect him to put his life on hold for ever waiting for you to do something positive ,,,,  Either way and regardless of the new guy or your husband you have loose ends dangling and this isn't good for you ,,,, You've got to start making positive moves here to get your life on track and headed in the right direction for you and no one else  ,,,,You need to do this for yourself regardless because you can't be any good for anyone else until you are good for yourself first  ,,,, Nothing is going to happen until you do something  ,,,, How long do you want to live in limbo ?,,,, //

Answer 3

If the new guy really loves you then he should understand your situation. You and your husband got separated only for two months and for sure immediately taking him out of the picture is almost impossible if he still has things in your house.

I almost have the same situation of yours but the thing is I'm not yet separated from my husband although the marriage is already going down hill. My best friend and I after more than 10yrs of not recognizing our feelings finally decided last month to have a relationship. It's complicated though! However, despite all of the complications he understand my situation and never tried to interfere my marriage...What I'm trying to say is your new guy should stretch his patience in dealing with your situation. If you are planning to have a life together then you both need to work things out.

Best luck!