Am I wrong about feeling a bit offended here?

Question

I have a dear friend, who has many issues at this time. I got up very early this morning, and my friend could barely tell me good morning, and then asked me about a personal body part and wether it affected his manhood. Without going into detail, I wasn't really awake, and felt offended, that they would talk to me about this at such when I wasn't even awake. I view this person as a dear friend, but it escalated, that I guess I was the idiot for feeling offended to discuss this at 4:00 a.m. in the morning. So here is my question: Do you think I was being a bad person, because I thought that it was rude to start asking me personal questions like that before I had even had my coffee? Just wondered what you think. The person is a very nice person, but the timing was just off.

Answer 1

It's a shame so few can read for comprehension miss. Anyhow given all you've said here which I presume to be the truth, no you shouldn't be offended or feel his question was rude in the least. What is key here is the fact that you admit he is a DEAR friend & you're like a mom to him. That equates to being very close, even though you 2 aren't on a sexually intimate basis yet. Since you've been 'friends' for 2 years & have made clear he has many issues, you should be more aware of what may be going through his mind at this time in his life & keep an open mind to that. Since he obviously feels close enough to you to discuss even very private matters [his p***s], you should support ANY inquiry of his as his elder rather than selfishly acting as if you've been taken aghast. I can understand you being taken off guard so to speak ; you weren't quite qwake. However don't be offended. Okay, the timing was off. Remember your age gap miss. Talking to him later is an appropriate concept here. And talking to him about your personal issues will aid him in feeling better about when to approach you next time with his. Good luck, miss..    

Answer 2

It can be that he cares a lot about you, so he kept on thinking about his relationship with you, and if you are satisfied with him or not. so he asked this straight away to make sure he is up too the mark or not also to make sure that in your head he is lot better than other guys.

Yes it was not at all good time to ask. You should tell him that you do not feel good about he being asking such type of question with out realizing the state of your mind, so that it wont happen again. Also remember one who forgives is always great, this can also improve your relationship with him and make him realize that you still care for him even he makes mistake (if he is good and wont take advantage of you being so generous)

Best of luck

Answer 3

What a load of bollocking drivel!

Answer 4

maybe it is a burning thought that needed to be answered right away....give the friend a break and answer then, go have coffee....then, beat the h**l outta him/her for waking you up.....nuff said!!!!

have a wonderful life.......           ♥

Answer 5

Yes it's a little harsh on your friend, but not as long as you tell them you're sensitive in the mornings, andthat they should watch for it next time. doesn't mean you're a bad person, just more sensitive than average before your coffee.

Answer 6

Anytime one walks into a room at 4am and two young men are talking he/she is libel to hear anything. Now if they were talking football and then the subject was changed it may have been their way of saying men talking beware. Yes you were right to be offended and as a guy I'm ashamed that it still goes on. Boys will be boys doesn't cut it in 2008! They need to be taught MANNERS!

Answer 7

This guy is hung-up about the size of his p***s and he probably is very emotionally vulnerable at this time and even though the worst thing he can do is dwell upon the matter he needs reassurance and this bothers you?  And so you got offended and got into an argument that no matter what was said he will interpret as your p***s is too small.  You know he was probably up all night worrying about this.  How much different is this really than when I wake up and the woman I have just recently started sleeping with wants to chart our entire relationship and right now?  I do it, because I know she needs the reassurance that I am emotionally involved with her as a person not just sleeping with her.  Or are you going to say you never spent a sleepless night worrying over something that in truth was never an issue?

Yes, you overreacted, and yes you damaged the relationship and yes now you are going to have to make it up somehow.

And yes sorry if it offends but I do think you were sleeping with him.

Answer 8

Yes. You are wrong to be offended. It was just a question for goodness sake. People these days are far too ready to take offense at the slightest thing, real or imagined.

They didn't attack or malign you in anyway. How were they to know that you considered it the wrong time to ask. Most people do not have a set time of day when they are able to answer questions. If you do then you should let people know. Actually the more I think about it the more I think that you should apologies to them. Even if you haven't said anything to them your thoughts have certainly betrayed you as a less than genuine friend. If it bothered you all you had to do was say "Not right now, I'm really tired. Ask me again when I'm more awake and I'll be able to give it the attention it deserves." Or would that have been too much for you. Really, get over yourself.

Answer 9

The person also considers you as a dear friend and he is really treating you as one. He asks you this because he believes you two are close and you are used to him.  

Answer 10

I think this friend felt secure enough in your friendship to be comfortable asking you such a question.

It would have been nice for him to wait until you were awake and functioning. In that respect, I can understand your irritation. I think I would be too. However, don't take offense. Take it as a compliment. He trusts you...and that is a major building block of an enduring friendship.

Just be careful as to where this might lead...know your boundaries and where to draw that line. That's the best advice I can give you.

EMT

Answer 11

Sounds like a reasonable reaction.

Answer 12

I'm going to jump on the bandwagon that says ........  if your head is still fuzzy and it's too early to talk about the topics that you know are likely to be discussed, don't get online to chat.  You've discussed his p***s before, more than once, so it's reasonable to assume that this morning's conversation could very well be something about his p***s again.  But once you get online, you're volunteering to talk about whatever is put on the table.  

Now, if you got online and the first thing you told him was, "Hey, I'm not awake yet and the coffee is still brewing.  Could we keep the chat light for a bit, until my brain clears," then he was rude for introducing the topic and then insisting you discuss it.  Etiquette allows you to set limits, and if he's a friend, he won't mind sticking to them.  

Anyway, my bottom line here is that both of you were in the wrong and neither of you should be angry or upset.

In the future, since you know he brings up topics you don't care to discuss on a fuzzy head, don't get online at 4 am.  Wait till 4:30 or 5.  Drink your coffee.  Have a bite of breakfast.  Go for a walk.  Wake yourself up so that you're ready to meet him on equal brainpower.  After all, he's been awake for hours and at work for a good while.

Answer 13

I would say that they just caught you at an inappropriate time....I mean come on now you didn't even have a sip of coffee yet....tell them that next time they wanna talk to do so after your second cup of coffee so you aren't a crab and can take what they say differently.....good luck and you were right to be offended...it was 4 a.m.  (lol)

Answer 14

Just a bit. Some people are morning people and some ae not. If you are a morning person, you can't understand how some people need time to wake up even though they are already in the upright position. Also, if thye were asking you a question that personal, that early, they had probably been thinking about it all night. You sadi they were going through some hard times. I knwo you can't be a saint the whole time, but a little patience may be necessary. Although you were tired and caffine deprived so I guess your not a complete moonster

Answer 15

If you live in different countries how could he possibly know you hadn't had your coffee yet?  I assume this is on the internet and I think it's a bit much to expect him to always keep track of what time it is where you live and what you've had to eat or drink that day.

It sounds like your big problem wasn't the personal nature of his questions but merely the fact that you hadn't had coffee yet.  So my best suggestion is to get your coffee PRIOR to sitting down at your computer.

Answer 16

I think as long as they didn't wake you it shouldn't have been a big deal. But I can understand some people are not morning people. I use to be cranky in the morning but now I'm an early bird. The person who asked you that must be to. People who struggle to get up in the morning usually do clash with early birds. We are ready for anything when we get up, and forget not everyone is like that. So maybe a little wrong on both your part. :)

Answer 17

Some guys dont no that its rude to talk about body parts that early or any other time if you are uncomfortable then day shud respect you da guy shud call another dude not u  

Answer 18

Okay I am EXTREMELY sensitive. Everything hurts my feelings.  But I don't know if that would have. I mean unless he is constantly ignoring you and just talking about himself.  Everyone at one point or another does something rude and selfish with no harm intended  Or maybe you feel insulted about the general nature of the question he asked?  I'm not sure since you didn't really say what it was..  

Answer 19

hey, no one can really function before they get their coffee .... XD

Answer 20

i think you should be a little offended but did you eve think that mabey your friend was really upset about somthing or was having a crisis or something bad happened? i am thinking u mean his parts down there. so mabey he got called small or was trying to do it and it didnt "respond".

Answer 21

No, I don't think you were a "bad" person to not want to answer personal questions then at this too-early time.  What was he doing awake at this time? He sounds like he has issues of low self esteem or worse, however nice he is.  I would tell him, "It's 4:00 am, this is time for sleeping, and in the morning when I'm more wide awake, we can discuss this."  

Answer 22

It's just about boundaries. People have different boundaries which can be what causes arguments and misunderstandings. Learning how to respond when someone crosses your boundary or vis-versa can help minimise arguments.

But I'm guessing you're friend with issues is probably a little over-sensitive. And that hour of the morning, I wouldn't have much tack or patience either!

So, I don't think you're wrong. It's just one of those things. But often people will cross you're boundaries because they feel close to you, so it's annoying but kinda sweet. Just tell him you're not on top form in the morning so best leave the discussions for later in the day!  

Answer 23

4:am is a bad time for phone calls, unless it's Saturday morning,you are in NY, and you are just about to leave the bar.

Other than that,or night-shift jobs and newborns, I can't think of a time when it is appropriate to be wide awake at 4:am, for a phone call.

I don't care if they are talking about penises or space aliens, or space alien penises. Don't call me unless you noticed my house happened to be on fire.

Answer 24

No I would not be offended by a personal question from a good friend but I would be upset if anyone phoned me at 4 a.m in the morning but if this person has a different time zone and forgot I would get over it and forgive him for that. I would not be offended by any question. If I did feel that it was too personal, then I would just let them know. The only thing that would upset me is a phone call from anyone at 4 a.m. in the morning that is rude behaviour but if this person lives on another continent and has a different time one can forget. I once called a lady from Europe and it was 9 am there and she lives in Canada and it was 3 a.m at night.. I felt bad after I realized I just had totally forgotten the 6 hour time different between Canadian Atlantic time and European Time xx