Am I wrong for feeling this way? It's long, but I have no one else to talk to. Please help!!!!?

Question

I'm 21 y/o and in college. I live w/my mom & 28 y/o bro. I'm the only one that works b/c my mom has RA and my bro is paranoid schizophrenic. Lately, I've been annoyed beyond belief. We're poor and all sleep in the living room. We're our only two fans our. We don't have any airconditioning and sweat just by laying down. Lately, one I come home all my mom does is talk to me the ENTIRE time. I go to work and come home and listen to her. She wants to do everything together. I'm extremely introverted and just need time to myself to reflect on life. I love my mom and don't want to be rude. Even when I'm reading she'll still talk to me. She complains about life, stuff she saw on the news, or talks about what's on tv. When my bro isn't in the room, she says he's driving her crazy and he's emotionally abusing her when I'm not home. She says she wants to move but she's been saying that since I was 10. I told her I'd help get him out of the house to go somewhere for a day.

Answer 1

the only thing i can tell you to do, if i were in that situation, i would go right to God and spill my heart out to him. i would tell him why i'm stressed out, why things are so hard, why things need to change. you can't do anything without him. so just ask him to fix the situation. it may not come right a way but at least he'll be working on it.

Answer 2

my goodness - call your local mental health or hotline and see what is available out there for you. You have a lot on your plate.  Your mom sees you as her release after sitting in the house all day and that's why she's jumping on you as soon as you walk in the door.  There is free counseling out there for caregivers which is what you are -it's affecting your mental health and you need to make that phone call.  Your local mental health office of job and family services will tell you who to call and set you up with some appointments.  sometimes just havng someone to vent to helps- good luck.

Answer 3

I think it might be because your mom only has you and your other brother that and your helping support her and she feels grateful for that and maybe it's because she needs a friend and it's her way of telling you That's what I think sorry if it's no help.

Answer 4

My best friend is like you...She is a very bright girl with two degrees and lots of potential, but her mother is so emotionally needy and dependant on her that she spends all her time at home and has no outside life...and not even a job since she feels like she can't leave home.  

Your mother sounds terribly lonely too.  Mental illness can often run in families, so it sounds highly possible that she is also affected.  Could you seek treatment for her?  You could also see if there are any activities around your community (volunteering, etc) that you could do together.  Then once she is involved and has met some new people she is comfortable with, then you may be able to disappear a bit more while she is there.  Are there any RA support groups in your community she could go to?

Also, there is probably some kind of mental health society in your area that you could talk to about your brother.  Paranoid schizophrenia is fairly common (isn't the stat 10%?), so it is likely that there is someone out there who can help your family manage his illness and deal with the issues that arise from it.

You shouldn't be afraid to level with your mother.  Tell her that you love her very much  and will support her all you can, but she is asking too much of you.  Maybe you can come up with an arrangement that will allow certain time set aside for just her, and time for just you to live your own life.  It sounds like she loves you very much, so I'm sure she wants to see you happy and successful!

Answer 5

You are describing a potentially very dangerous situation -- dangerous for your emotional and physical health.  All of you need to see a counselor as soon as possible.  And, since you are an adult now, you should assert yourself and tell them if they won't go with you to a counselor, that you will (and should!) move into your own place.  Mom and brother can survive on social services if necessary.  You are sacrificing a potentially wonderful fun-filled life for the existence of two miserable people, and making yourself miserable as well!