Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Question

I am planning on getting married September 18, 2010. I just don't want my dad to give me away for many reasons.

-When I was a child he physically abused me on two different occasions and he apologized for both but that still doesn't take the pain away.

-He emotionally abused me my whole life, he was always treating me like c**p while he treated certain friends of mine like they were perfect little princesses, he made me feel worthless and treated me like I was only there to be he his slave and wait on him hand and foot.

-He cheated on my mom for their whole marriage, in particular with a woman who worked for them, he was with her for four years and flaunted the relationship right under my mother's nose.

-He was constantly blowing all our money on other people and would take out loans that he couldn't pay back, I'm not joking, one time he took out a 30,000 dollar loan and went through every dime of it in two weeks.

-He ran his and my mother's business into ground because of the way he handled money.

-His most recent offense is that he has forced my 80 year old grandmother to take out a 15,000 dollar loan and use her home as collateral for him. This just absolutely makes me sick to my stomach! I would never ask my mother to do something like that for me.His father died of a brain tumor when he was 6 and my grandmother worked 3 jobs to keep a roof over their head and food on their table, she has worked hard to have a home that is paid off and secure and now she will most likely lose it because there is no way that my dad will pay the loan off he's already thousands of dollars in debt on top of this loan, plus he's got two other people threatening to sue him, I will of course help her anyway I can but I'm no millionaire and I have bills and things to pay myself.

He's also been in a wheelchair for a little over a year so it's highly unlikely that he will even be walking at the time of my wedding but even though I have every reason to not let him give me away I still feel a little guilty for not letting him, but I know that if I let him I will be miserable and I want enjoy my experience walking down the aisle. I guess I'm just searching for some encouragement/opinions from an outside party.

Answer 1

Ok, I came from a similar situation. I got married a year ago. I was faced with a similar decision. I chose to walk myself. This is YOUR wedding. This is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. Honestly, if the abuse bothers you this far down the road, you may want to see someone in your area to talk to. After my rape and pregnancy that was the best choice I made. I know you didn't ask about my life, but I figured that my story might help you in some way. Don't let this ruin your wedding because when you look at it in about 10 years you will regret ever doing it.  You also have a good while before your nuptials and in that time you might want to try to find a middle ground. You don't want to look back and regret having or not having your father at your wedding. I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 2

It's entirely your decision.  You can have your mom walk you down the aisle.  I completely understand your feelings.  My dad has emotionally abused me for my whole life, like nothing I've ever done has been good enough.  One of my earliest memories is of him kicking me while I was throwing up on the carpet bc I couldn't make it to the bathroom.  I was five.  I got married at the courthouse, so it wasn't an issue, but I do plan to have a renewal of vows (my husband is Military, so we had to get married fast when he got transferred, so I could go with him) and there's no way in h**l I'd let my dad walk me down the aisle.  Even if he were paying, I'd cancel the whole thing and go to Vegas before I'd let him walk me down the aisle.

Answer 3

After all he's done, I am surprised that he's invited!  You want to make sure he doesn't cause more trouble on your special day.