Am I wrong to allow my daughters boyfriend to sleep with her in my home?

Question

She is 18 and he is 22..when i tell people that he regularly sleeps here with her in her bed some of them look at me like i am the devils spawn

Answer 1

If you don't allow it, they'll go else where and then you don't know whats going on or where they are. I say this is responsible parenting.  

Answer 2

Don't tell them. But it's kind of weird if they're not married.

Answer 3

Not at 18 no I don't think so :) younger than like 16 would be wrong.

Answer 4

If you can trust them, i don't see a problem with it, but it's all up to you i guess because you are the mum.

Answer 5

You are all adults  It is a new day and age  My mother would have killed me if I even thought of that We would never disrespect my mothers house like that If you were married okay  Her favorite saying Why buy the cow if the milk is free

Answer 6

No...

Answer 7

As my parents say with drinking, they would rather I didit under their roof where they know im safe, than to do it behind their backs...god knows where and who with

Answer 8

thats fine to me shes 18 that means shes an adult. i think your a good mother for letting her stay with him.. at least you know where she is and you know shes safe! keep communication though!make sure shes being safe :)

Answer 9

I DON'T THINK SO FIRST OFF SHE'S GROWN NOW. SECOND BETTER AT YOUR HOME WHERE YOU KNOW WHERE SHE'S AT AND KNOW WHAT SHE IS DONNING RATHER SOME WHERE ELSE WHERE YOU DON'T KNOW IF SHE IS SAFE OR WHATS GOING ON. YOU NEVER KNOW IF YOU DIDN'T ALLOW THIS SHE MIGHT OF TRY TO SNEAK AND DONE SOMETHING, SO I THINK IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHERE YOUR CHILD IS AT AND KNOW WHAT SHE'S DOING THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT.

Answer 10

I think you should not let her sleep with him because they are not yet married.

Answer 11

Yes.

Answer 12

you surely look like one...

how can you just afford to let your daughters boyfriend sleep with her. thats not done and not proper.

please take care of her sensibly and responsibly.

Answer 13

YES!  Unless they are paying rent, food and utilities....YES!  You are not only wrong but bordering on stupid.  Can't you see you are being taken advantage of!!!?

Answer 14

I think you shouldn't let her do it because it's mom thing to protect her and such. However, I do think you should be sensitive when you're talking to her about it. Girls that age in a relationship gets really deep into it especially in her situation. She will be really aggressive towards anyone if someone tries to threaten or appear the threaten their relationship.

Answer 15

No way are you wrong, this is perfectly fine for your daughter and her boyfriend. If they're deeply in love, then its OK. plus, shes 18, i think she is responsible for her problems.

Answer 16

my little girl is only 1, but i have all this to come, and i don't envy you, it's not an easy decision to make, but i think its down to yourself and how mature she or they are. and we forget but kids today are a lot more forward with s*x, than we were a few years ago !

good luck  

Answer 17

Isn't it better you know they are safe at your house rather than them risking themselves behind your back? It shows you trust them both. At the end of the day at 18 she would probably do what she wants to do with or without you.  

Answer 18

Hi,

My brother is having this issue currently with our parents. I think the question you might ask yourself is, if you forbid them will they have somewhere else that's safe to go? Better in your house because at least it's safe and you know where she is at night! 18 is fine if she is mature enough and you trust her.  

Answer 19

Ha ha.

I guess they don't think you are protective enough. They see it as you don't care about your daughter enough because you are allowing yourself to give her this freedom. But dude, I don't know I'm 15.

Answer 20

It depends on the daughter really, I have done this also.

Answer 21

I don't think there's anything wrong with that. At 18 and 22 they are both adults. Better for them to be there and you know that they are safe.

Answer 22

You are great..........................

never thought about it...........and thinking about crismas..........bla..bla....

my dear people are right..........great It's so strange that you are allowing a young to sleep with your doughter............wow.............

soonly you will get a gand child also ...............good luck....

Answer 23

well the best thing to compare it too would be a vice prez candidate. If it's ok for Sarah Palin can it be wrong for you

Answer 24

No its cool that you trust her :D

Answer 25

Yes, it is wrong, it is called fornication in the scriptures.

Many today condones this kind of behavior, but you are the parent and shouldn't allow such actions to continue in your home.

If you have a Bible please look up fornication and see what it says about s*x before marriage.

  1 Thess. 4:3-8: "This is what God wills...That you abstain from fornication; that each one of you should know how to get possession of his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in covetous sexual appetite such as also those nations have which do not know God;that no one go to the point of harming and encroach upon the rights of his brother in this matter, because Jehovah is one who exacts punishment for all things, just as we told you beforehand and also gave you a thorough witness.  For God called us, not with allowance for uncleanness, but in connection with sanctification.

So, then, the man that shows disregard is disregarding, not man, but God, who puts his holy spirit in you." ( The Greek word por.nei'a, translated "fornication," refers to sexual intercourse between unmarried persons, also to extramarital relations on the part of married persons.)

Eph. 5:5: "No fornicator or unclean person or greedy person-which means being an idolater-has any inheritance in the kingdom of the Christ and of God." ( This does not mean that anyone who in the past was a fornicator cannot enjoy the blessings of God's Kingdom, but he must cease that way of life in order to have God's approval. See 1 Corinthians 6:9-11.)

Answer 26

No you are not wrong!

As people have said at least you can keep an eye on whats going on.

I wish my mum had done what you do,  I would never of got into as much trouble as I did if she had lol!!

If my mum had of done what you do I would never if had s*x its just disrespectful.  

And for the religious nuts who say because they are not married etc its wrong remember this:  In the bible marriage was the saying of a life long commitment in the eyes of god.  There did not have to be a priest performing the ceramony and it did not have to be in the temple or witnessed by people and a bit of paper signed.  

In the eyes of the bible I am tech married

Answer 27

As a parent, it your duty to set boundaries for your kids and also set your legacy. It may seem that letting your daughter sleep with her b/friend under your roof is acceptable in your culture/environment, but you need to seriously think about the legacy you are setting. Where do you see that relationship you are encouraging in say 3-4 years? If this young man should break your daughter's heart, do you think your having allowed it to continue under your authority will endear or embitter your child.

A home should be the training ground for all children in preparation for life. If you are truly happy with the training you are offering in the moral and sexual areas in your child's life, then I suppose you should be okay with your decision even if people may think you are odd.

On the other hand, I would ask you whether this is a result of a considered parental decision or you are succumbing to pressure. Have you talked with your child about choices and alternatives or the impact on her development (social&physical) s*x has on her? Have you together identified and considered possible consequences of all of the choices she is making regarding her life goals?

Whatever the answers you have, enjoy the gift of parenting.  

Answer 28

Thats perfectly fine :) im seventeen and me and my boyfriend have been staying over together in the same bed for a few months now its fine :) maybe 15 and younger is a bit too young. She's an adult so your friends should remember that. I think you are must be a great mother :) (that isnt sarcastic incase it comes across that way) Good Luck to you and your daughter x

Answer 29

I think it comes down to what you are comfortable with. I know she's an adult (only just!) but you are still the parent and it's your house.

I also have a 19 year old daughter and 21 year old son. I am not comfortable with the idea of them sleeping with their respective boyfriend/girlfriend in my home- so that is the rule they need to accept. If, for some reason, the partners need to stay over, they sleep in the spare room. I have talked to my kids and their partners about my moral beliefs and my standards and asked them to respect that. They have- reluctantly. If they want to play grown-ups, they are free to move out together and take care of their own bills. I want to be able to feel comfortable in my own home, with my own family. The partners have their homes with their families. I don't believe we need to blur the boundaries.

Answer 30

I don't think there is anything wrong with that at all!

HONESTLY, I can't believe how narrow minded people can be.

First of all she is 18, and is an adult and can legally have s*x, get married and move out herself if she wanted to. Whether it happens in your home or not is irrelevant!

Secondly, its a lot better that they stay under your roof where they're safe than anywhere else. It also means she'll be more inclined to talk to you if she needs to.

Your daughter is going to grow up with a healthy attitude towards relationships and s*x, and not grow up thinking its wrong or dirty or  rebel behind your back.

I don't know where you are from but from my personal experience living in Britain, it would say that it was the norm, and my parents and most of my friends parents have the same attitude as yours. And guess what! Shockingly, we have all turned out ok!

Answer 31

I don't really think their is a right or wrong on this one,its down to personal choice.

Each family is different. My kids are grown up and all of them have left home, but when they were at home and courting, even though i let them take their girlfriends/boyfriends up to their rooms i could never allow overnight stays.

If ever one of them had an issue with this, and sometimes they did, i explained this is my house, respect the rules, or get your own place.

It never became a big problem luckily.

Don't get me wrong, this wasnt set in stone, sometimes when we had parties ect it did happen, but it was something i never really felt comfortable about. Many of my friends allowed it, so each to their own. x*x