Am I wrong to be completely annoyed?

Question

A littleback storyy first. I was married last summer and haven't yet chosen any of the photos from my wedding, nor have I sent any pictures from it out. I was diagnosed with cancer just weeks before my wedding and to me, I look sick in every picture. Most of the photos of what should have been happy moments make me want to cry. Most of myfamilyl and friends understand and haven't bothered me much about it. Frankly, I didn't feel I looked beautiful or healthy that day and I certainly don't want to send those pics out, some of them I look so sick I want to burn them. Anyway, to my question: I just found out a relative "cracked" my password on the photographers website and has given the password to others (I've since asked my photographer to take us off her site completely). This relative casually mentioned on the phone "Oh..I've already seen all your pics,I went on the website" Now I just feel really betrayed and sick about it, like I don't have enough to worry about. I also feel this huge anger building in me. Believe me, if someone had done this to HER, heads would roll. I'm the non-confrontational type anyway, my mom and husband are p*ssed too, but they think I am wasting precious energy being mad. What to do?

Answer 1

First of all, you were beautiful on your wedding day and I''m sure that you are just being selfcouncious and too hard on your self! No bride will look awful on a white dress and hand in hand with the man of yoru dreams on the day you were blessed to be married.

Do not waste time with little annoyances....  

Answer 2

First, I am very sorry to hear about your illness. I will keep you in my prayers.

Your relative was very inconsiderate and rude, not to mention invasive, your privacy should have been respected. I truly understand your being so upset, she had a lot of nerve critiquing your pictures!

I agree with your family that you need not waste time and energy being angry at this relative. I might limit my contact with this person so you don't get angry every time you see or talk to this person, but please don't let the anger run your life.

Sometimes you just have to let go things before they eat away at you and this would be one. Pick your battles, this is not the one you need to concentrate on.

I wish you the best.

Answer 3

i would be pissed.  but what can you do about it now.  if the photographer has removed them that is the best that you can do.  find out who leaked the password and just tell them that it made you really upset and you felt betrayed.

feel better, hon

Answer 4

Your annoyance is completely understandable.  The nerve!

Can the photographer change the password so Nosy-Nellie can't get back in?  And yet, what's done is done.  

Go ahead and fume for a bit.   You're certainly entitled.

Then let it go and continue your healing.  Best wishes on your marriage and your full recovery.

Answer 5

YOu have every right to be upset!!!! Shes a jerk. Change the password. I don't know what else there is to do though. Don't let it get you down too much, I am sure they probably thought you looked beautiful.  Vent to whoever will listen, then do something to relax.

Answer 6

The fact that you have cancer or felt like you looked less than your best are inconsequential.  That this relative, someone that should love you, crossed such a personal boundary is absolutely horrible.  You need to bring this up to her for the purpose of putting her in her place, or it will eat you alive.  You need every ounce of positive energy you can get right now, and a betrayal like this will consume it.  Simply say or write, "I was very disappointed and hurt that you would pursue seeing my wedding pictures without my permission.  I didn't feel as attractive as I would have liked and I am not happy with the photos.  But your penetrating my account was such a betrayal.  I feel you owe me an apology, and I hope you never do anything to anyone like that again."  And go from there.  

Answer 7

I don't know if my opinion will help...but this is what I would do since I also have relatives who don't know there place...confront her...tell her what she did was insensitive, immoral, and shows how she disregards your feelings as a person, your pictures belong to you...it was your occassion and only you and your husband should of made the final decision...I am not sure how close you are too this person, or your relationship with them but...if you feel yourself getting upset and not getting over it maybe it's because you haven't got this off your chest...

Answer 8

I'm so sorry to hear of your sickness.  I wish you health and happiness.

Your relative is a moron.  She sounds immature, selfish and rude.  You should not be worrying about this right now (or ever for that matter).  I also don't think that you should have to confront her yourself.  Your husband is the other half of this equation...would he or your mother be willing to confront her and make her well aware of her ignorance how she's contributing to your stress levels?  Would either of them be willing?  That way you get your point across without having to deal with the stress of confrontation.  I'm like you, I wouldn't be able to let it go until she knew exactly how you feel...just don't be the one to do it...

Godspeed, MelB

Answer 9

You're completely justified in being annoyed. But it's also true that you're wasting energy being mad about it.

It's not going to be easy, but just let it go and forgive her. Not for her sake, but for your own.

Good luck!

Answer 10

OMG, I can't believe it! Did someone REALLY do it? I would be livid... This is such an invasion of privacy! I simply can't believe that someone can be THAT rude, insensitive and clueless.

That said, there's nothing you can do now. Whatever pics are out there will remain out there. Be angry for a while, but try to let go eventually. If it was me, I would probably write this person a very direct e-mail, telling them how inappropriate their action was and how much they over-stepped the boundaries. But other than that - there's not much you can do from the practical perspective.

On a different note, maybe some of these pics can be remedied with a little retouching? Pick a few of the best ones, and have a professional retouch them, maybe you will be happier with the way you look. I can try and take a look at them for you, if you'd like (I work as a graphic artist, and retouch pictures all the time).

Answer 11

whats done is don't and you cant change that she has seen them.  As long as the photos are down now, no one else will be looking.

As for the photos, ask the photographer (if you are happy with the work besides how you look and felt that day) if you can do a bit of a re shoot.  Plan a day to get your hair and makeup done again.  Put your dress on and get your guy a tux and go someplace beautiful and take some new photos!  Make new memories!  And that can wiat untill you feel up to it!

Answer 12

You are wasting precious energy being mad. Now that has been said, have you stopped to think that perhaps it is the cancer that you're angry at, and not the people who love you? They were at the wedding, they saw how you looked, they knew you were ill. That is how life works. You are angry because you have/had cancer. You should be joyful that you are still alive and surviving and that you now look healthy. Be grateful for the gift you have - your life and your love and your family and stop letting anger take over your body. Stress is no good for your total recovery and you know it! If you don't want to spend money on photos that you don't care for, give everyone the website and let them look all they want, Then you and your hubby go and get a really great portrait taken and let that be your keepsake for enlargements for yourself. Have it as a constant reminder that you are a survivor, a winner, and a beloved wife. Hiding photos will not change the fact that you were sick and it will not erase people's memories of that day. Consider this - every person who sees a photo of you not being at your physical best, will actually be thinking about how brave and strong and beautiful you are today!! Consider it a blessing! You, out of everyone, should appreciate that life is too short for anger and confrontation! And your mother should be ashamed of herself for not being more positive for you!

Edit: Regarding your add-on, hon, you can not change the world and you can not force good manners on people. If this one relative is so ignorant, everyone else knows it already so grin and bear it. Not worth the energy.

Answer 13

That is really overstepping.  I would say something to the culprit if you know for sure who it is and get it off your chest.  You have a right to vent to the person responsible.  If you can't confront her directly, write out what you are feeling and don't hold anything back.  You don't have to send the letter, but you may feel better.  Save your energy on you and feeling better.  My thoughts are with you.