Am I wrong to feel offended and not go?

Question

Here is the situation. My parents often get invited to family functions (weddings, etc) and the invitation has only their names. When they RSVP, sometimes the person that invited them will tell them to "bring me" along, or will say something like "she can come if she wants" as if doing me a favor. I never go. I feel that if they wanted me there, they would send an invitation to me like everyone else.

Also, in cases where I am sort of invited, they tag my name on the bottom of the invitation, like:

Mr. & Mrs. Jones

& Jane

Almost like it was an afterthought to add my name.

Since my name is tagged onto their invitation, can't I tag my name onto their gift? If they want to "save money" on the cost of a postage stamp, why can't I save money also? BTW, I am single. Other singles in the family get their own invitation, and usually can bring a guest.

Answer 1

I'm with you. If they don't send me an invitation, I'm not going. If added as an after thought, add your name to the gift your parents take.  If I want someone invited I send a separate invitation and expect the same courtesy.

Answer 2

I think it makes sense, since you're all one family (your dad, mum and you), so why would they waste it on another card just for you? As if you're not connected to your parents. Believe me, they won't feel bad if you don't go. My advice is to stop thinking into this too much and just go. But in the earlier example that you gave ("she can come if she wants to"), I wouldn't go either. So it really depends on the situation.

Answer 3

I don't think they mean to offend you but I do see why you would feel that way. If they just place your name at the bottom of someone else's invite, I think you should either get a small gift or card or, like you said, attach your name to your parents' gift.

Answer 4

If it's a wedding invitation,you should have your own invitation!

Answer 5

I think you're thinking into this too much. If they mention your name at all, I think it's ok to go. If they don't, assume it's an adult only thing so that you're not the only kid there.

Answer 6

Have an honest talk with your parents about this. Some of your parents friends may not realize you are old enough for your own invitiation. If you are an adult, then by all means they should invite you separately. They should address your invitation in the same manner as any other single adult.

Answer 7

Don't take it personally. Go. I am also sensitive like you are, but as an outsider looking in, I am not sensing anything negative on their part. If I felt something was not right, I would have sensed it. I think they are being just fine. Sometimes, when we are too idealistic and want everything too proper, things always seem to fall short. Cut them some slack I would say. Go with a genuine smile and wish them well. It will only spread warmth to everyone and ur own heart will feel good.

Answer 8

Are you still living at home with your parents?

If so then I think that although it is against etiquette to not send you your own invite that it is acceptable to do it in that way. When I have sent out invites in the past I have done it in that manner and it wasn't an afterthought to put the other name on it was intentional but I usually also put & guest behind single adults living in the same house. Maybe after seeing your take on things I will consider doing it by the book.

I don't think that these people are doing it to make you feel anything but invited.

As for the gift part of it that is up to you maybe in the future you could pitch in on the gift.

I do have a question for you. When you do go to these events and bring your own gift/card do they just include you into the same thank you?

Now, that would be completely wrong.

Hope you go and enjoy yourself. Best of Luck

Answer 9

I agree; I refused to go also unless my Mom really insisted.

Answer 10

I always thought that single adults should get their own invitation, but what can you do? I don't think you need to feel offended, I truly think it is just their ignorance of what is appropriate--not an indication of their feelings about you.

If you are a single adult living at home and your name is mentioned, I think you can feel welcomed to go, but not bring a guest unless they mention that. If your invitation is "tacked onto" your parents invitation--I think it is appropriate to contribute to and put your name on the present your parents bring. If they were to put:

Mr. & Mrs. Jones

Ms. Jane Jones & guest

555 Main Street

Anytown, USA 55555

Then I think you shouldn't be offended at not getting your own invitation and feel free to bring a guest and provide your own present for the occassion.

If you do decide to go to the function, regardless of how the invitation was written out, go and have fun. It is a celebration after all!

Answer 11

If you were underage i'd say it was fine for them to do that, but if you're over twenty then yes you should be a little offended.

Answer 12

I don't view this as people neglecting you. It seems like the people who are doing the inviting are your parent's friends (correct me if I'm wrong) and not your friends. They meant no disrespect when they say you can "tag along". They are just addressing the two main people. In the tag, don't you think it would be awkward to invite:

Mr. & Mrs. & Ms. Jones

It's just the matter of addressing the elders first.

Answer 13

Because while you're not an afterthought, you are not the primary invitee.  They're actually being respectful to your parents by addressing it that way.  Trust me, if they didn't want you to come they wouldn't bother throwing your name on the invite.

Go and have a good time.  Also, you do deserve your own invitation if your an adult.

**SOLUTION - Write them a note confirming that you'll be attending.  Include in the note YOUR home address for future invites, noting that as you've "graduated college/moved out a year ago/whatever" that you have a new address and to forward future correspondence there.

Whatever comes to your adult pad - confirm.  If it still comes to Mumsie and Daddie - decline.  That way you'll feel you have a choice and you'll be happier since they spent a whole postage stamp on you to validate you.  

An afterthought - as your own person, you'll need to bring your own gift.  While you were added to your mom's and dad's invitation, you could've ridden their gift coat tail - now you're on your own.

Answer 14

In the case of your name not even being on the invite, then absolutely don't go.

In the case of the "& Jane" invite on your parent's invite, then they probably have just neglected to think it through how it looks like from your end of the deal. But they have invited you, so don't read too much into it.