Am I wrong to not want this?

Question

My husband wants his dad to move in with us and I don't. His dad works, is in good health, and has a fair amount of money( lets just say more than enough to buy his own home). I have only lived with my husband for a year and a half now and we have a baby. His dad lives with one of his kids and she wants him out. He is chauvinistic and tries to tell me how to raise my baby when he is over (like what I'm doing is wrong). I really enjoy my privacy. Why do we have to take him in? Am I bad to want my own privacy? How do I tell my husband nicely that I would prefer that he find his own place?

Answer 1

Ideally, he should tell him, but if he doesn't maybe you should.  Maybe you should talk to the kid he lives with now and find out why he's not welcome any longer.  Use that information to help in the argument with your husband.  This is America.  If you were in Iraq, then maybe this would be normal, but I'm taking it that you were raised as an American.  No one in their right mind would expect you to adjust to that Situation.  Is your husband hoping to gain something? Are you struggling to make ends meet?  But still, it's only right for you to have privacy.

Answer 2

just tell him straight up

there is no nice way to tell him without hurting his feelings

Answer 3

no you are not bad,

if i was in your situation, i would not want my wife's mother to move in with us (im a guy)

your privacy is understood.

but i think you should have a "talk" with your husband about his father.

and what ur feeling about it.

but you might just want to let him stay for a while,and if its not going well at all have another "talk"

Answer 4

There is nothing wrong with wanting your own space, your not asking your husband to move out and take the baby with you, so its not selfish, its protective.

You have your families best interest at heart, and yes, your husband and baby are your core family, not your father in-law.

You need to sit down and explain to your husband how you are his father would not get a long even further than normal if you lived together.

Also mention your worried he'd try to "father you" overly and control both your lives, making it impossible to be adults, and husband and wife, you'd become sister and brother and be miserable.

Mention it may alter his own relationship with his father and for the sake of the distant family, you need your own space so you can better enjoy your company when you do see your father in-law.

If he really pushes the issue, tell him if his father moves in, you and the baby might have to move out, or spend so much time away from home he'd be back in the same position he was far before he met you, when he still lived with his father and did not have his own house or privacy.

Answer 5

Talk to your husband about it.

He may have a solution to all of this.

Don't complain about it, or be mean, or whiney, no one likes that and that would probably cause a fight.

So just nicely bring it up and tell him that its bothering you. Don't say that him staying is bothering you, say that the IDEA of him staying is bothering you and then state your reasons why.

If you guys do end up getting in a fight, then you should probably give it a chance. Or maybe you can suggest this yourself, before anything bad happens.

You could tell him how you feel, so that he knows, but then offer to give it a try, so that he knows that you're trying, and then maybe he'll see that you're right.

and you never know, you might even be wrong bout his father staying with you.

Another thing is that you could both talk to his father about how he acts. And obviously if one of your husbands siblings doesnt want their father living with them, then that must mean something.

People change when they realize that they have done wrong, and they try to mend things and not make the same mistakes.

I'm sure things will work out.

But no, dont feel guilty for not wanting him there.

Just remember to always stay positive. And always give people a chance. He is the one that raised your husband, who im sure you love to death. So there you go. He gave you your husband, you give him something in return.

haha. that last part was juat a weird way to look at it.

Good luck m'dear!

Answer 6

well honestly tell your boyfriend what you think!!!

and if he is upset with you just tell him that you two need your privacy and you need to raise your baby how you both want to not how his dad wants you to.... but also put it in this perspective how would you feel if your dad wanted to come live with and your boyfriend wouldnt want him to....think of what you would want your boyfriend to say to you about your dad

GOOD LUCK girl