Am I wrong to specifity that I want a biracial baby?

Question

My husband is biracial (Black and White) and I am multiracial (Black, White and Native American). We have always considered ourselves Black (as the World would), but we are both on the lighter end of the spectrum with straighter hair and keener features.

We want to adopt a child. I would like to specify a biracial child as I think that would increase the odds of the child blending in with us and our extended family. Is that shallow? I would love a biological child regardless of what he or she looked like. But I just feel like the adoption is enough of an issue and enough to explain without tacking on issues that will draw stares and more questions.

Answer 1

No, you are not being shallow at all.  After all, if you were to give birth to a baby, it would have the same type of co louring and a match is the best thing for everyone at the end of the day.

Used to be that when one applied for adoption, they would only give you a child that matched you as much as possible - down to little snub nose, eye colour, hair colour, skin colour - our pastor had two adopted children who looked exactly like their adoptive parents so closely were they matched.

Nowadays, anything goes - as in Angelina Jolie - but I think you are making a wise choice.

Answer 2

No... I don't think it's shallow if you have the child's best interest at heart, wanting them to feel that they look like the rest of the family. When you go to fill out the papers, no harm in asking if you can specify that...the worst they can tell you is no.

Answer 3

It's fine & might be easier on the child because they will at least be familiar with their ethnic background. It's probably better to get a child who you can identify with a little bit more.

Your request is perfectly fine.

Answer 4

I think that's fine.

My husband and I are looking into adoption, specifically sibling sets, and we're looking at white and hispanic children because we want them to be able to blend in to our family. Not for our sake, but for theirs. I don't want people coming up to them and asking them if they're adopted or if I'm the nanny or whatever.

(For the record my husband is mixed mexican and white and I'm white)

Answer 5

If you truly want to be parents it should not matter whether the child is black, white,red,green, purple or orange with plaid overtones. As long as you can give the child your unconditional love, what does it matter it's race or what other people think?

Answer 6

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a certain type of baby.  You are concerned about that baby's future.  There is nothing wrong with trying to make a child's future better; especially if the child is coming from an orphanage.  Their life can only get better after that (with loving parents of course).

If you brought home a white baby, that baby might have an uphill battle their whole life, because of the sole fact that they are white in a black family.  Even though there shouldn't be, there is always going to be places and people who would look down upon you, your baby and your family because your child is not the same color as you; which in turn makes the babies life harder.

Whatever the race is of the baby, as long as you and the rest of your family accept the baby for who it is and not the color it is, then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks!  Do what you know will make you and your family happy!

Answer 7

I ADMIRE YOU FOR WANTING TO ADOPT AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH  ADOPTING A BYRACIAL CHILD GOOD 4 YOU I HOPE IT ALL TURNS OUT GREAT 4 U GOODLUCK

Answer 8

i don't think it is wrong...he or she is going to be your child and if you feel having a biracial child would be easier on both you and the child, then that is fine. it will also probably be easier for the child to feel like he or she "fits in" when they go through the angsty-teenage years

Answer 9

If your truly believe that a multiracial or biracial child would be most easily accepted into your family and community, I'm all for it.  It sounds like they would have several positive role models whom they can identify with.  

Just be careful that you are not hoping for a child who looks like you, or a child that you expect to pass as biological.  I respect that you want them to feel connected to your family, however, it is important to acknowledge that your child has a genetic history of his/her own.

FYI - Adoption Learning Partners has a great on line exercise called Conspicuous Families, which is designed to prepare families for multiracial adoption.  I'm not trying to solicit for them, I just know that it has helped a lot of the families I have worked with.

Answer 10

This world is such an odd place. I think it's really interesting that you feel the need to ask for advice on this issue because everyone I know who has any relation to adoption has had no problem at all saying on their forms that they want a Caucasian baby. It's just kind of assumed among most white people that are adopting that they want a white child. The question has to be asked but, certainly for people adopting domestically, the vast majority want a white child if they are white. And none of them have any compunction about saying so. It just kind of goes with the territory that people prefer a child of their race. (I do think it can be "easier" on the child when it isn't blatantly obvious to everyone always that the child was adopted but, for most people I don't think that has anything to do with it)

I think it's very sensitive of you to consider this as a question. I think it is 100% fine for you to request that your child be any race you want. I think anybody who objects (I don't mean that they just have a different opinion but, that thinks that it's wrong of you to request it) is either incredibly ignorant or a total hypocrit. Good luck with your adoption!!

Answer 11

Well, do you plan on telling your child someday that they are adopted???

It is not shallow. You want to make is easier for you child.

It would not be any fun for him or her to go to school one day and have all the kids ask why they look nothing like their mommy and daddy.

Answer 12

I adopted two children from foster care and have worked in the field with children like mine for many many years. It is very important to be honest with yourself about what you are and aren't ready for because often if you aren't specific I have seen people put in a position where they wanted a baby but were convinced to take an older child which turned out to be a disaster and then the child suffered. So, I say yes absolutely I would not only specify biracial but also what other boundaries you may have....depending on where you are adopting from please look into Reactive Attachment Disorder (because in most cases they won't mention it to you-you can contact me if you need more info). The good news is though that you may find a baby more readily adoptable that is biracial than if you weren't requesting that. Many biracial children are not the first choice of others wanting to adopt...and there is a baby somewhere that probably needs you right now! Good Luck! [e-mail]

Answer 13

You’re not wrong at all. Look at all the white couples who wait for a white child.  This situation is no different, a couple who are both mixed raced, looking to adopt a mixed raced child.

If I ever adopted I myself plan on taking only mixed raced children, I’m mixed raced myself and the last several  months I have gotten more involved in the Mixed Raced Community and have just decided that adopting mixed raced young ones is the way to go, if i ever adopt.  It’s not even about them being able to blend into the family, I just want to help my community and I feel that adopting those children  who are part of my community would be helping. Heck Multiracials people come in such a wide variety of shades and looks, just look at Wentworth Miller, a multiracial man.

Answer 14

No, it's not wrong. You are not being prejudiced towards other children, you are just trying to make life easier for your adopted child by asking for a little one who has similar features. I really don't see anything wrong about that.

Best of luck with the adoption, I'm sure you will be a wonderful mother :)