Am I wrong to stop my teenage son from dating a European?

Question

Hello,

My teenage son has recently gotten 'close' to an older European girl that has recently arrived at his school. I am concerned that the sexual morals of this girl may not be suitable for my son as she comes from a country known for its promiscuity.

I have decided to stop my son from having any communication outside of school with this girl. He is accusing me of rascism, but how can I trust someone not familiar with our christian standards not to lead him astray!

Am I wrong for wanting him to meet a good local American Girl?

Answer 1

Personally ..its up to him who he dates he is a teenager  

Answer 2

I think it's very wrong to judge someone based on where they are from! Do you know for a fact that she is promiscuious? and so what if she is not familiar with your christian standards! This is what is wrong with our country today, to many people that judge each other based on our beliefs, I'm an atheist but I am one of the nicest people you will ever meet but I'm guessing that since you only know that one thing about me you wouldn't take the time to get to know who I am would you? let your son choose his friends whom he likes, and stop judging people because of what you "think" they are

Answer 3

Hey, I know plenty of european girl teenagers, none of which are sl*ts! Don't judge a book by it's cover. Europeans have morals too!  

Answer 4

Americans are perceived as rich, arrogant, rude, and speaking of promiscuity!  How do you think other countries perceive our culture when they see the media shrines to Brad and Angelina (unmarried), Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Jamie Spears,  P Diddy, and a million other exploits that are reverred in our media.  If your son travled, would you want others to lump him into these categories because what others have 'heard' about our country?

Christianity, in my understanding, should lead to acceptance of others.  

Answer 5

I think you are being a bit unfair.  IF your son has the same christian standards as you, then you shouldn't need to worry about him.  And let me tell you, the "good local American Girl" may not be as good as you think.  For instance Miley Cyrus has very high Christian standards, yet you see her "s**y" pics popping up on the internet almost every other week.  Perhaps you should ask to meet the girls parents if your son wants to continue a relationship with this girl.  

Answer 6

I think it is wrong for you to assume that just because she is European that she has loose sexual morals. I'm sick and tired of people stereotyping. My husband does it all the time and it really pisses me off. It's just another form of prejudice and racism. Why don't you get to know the girl and give her a chance? And who cares if she's not a Christian like you. That doesn't make her a bad person. It makes her a person who believes something different. If she's a good person and has good morals, who cares?

Answer 7

Excuse me? Did you know that it's actually America that has the highest rates of teen pregnancy in the world. And in answering your question yes you are wrong. I hope this is a wind up. By the way some people have said Europe is a country it's actually a Continent in case you didn't know already.

Answer 8

Um.  What country was that?  I guess I missed the whole "oh, those crazy, sexually active Europeans" thing.

I think you're wrong.  I say this, not because I think you're racist (although there are tons of fabulous and wonderful non-Americans), but because if your son likes her, she must have some redeeming qualities.  Have more faith in the job you've done so far as a parent, and recognize that the son you have (mostly) raised has a good head on his shoulders.

How do you know that she's not familiar with your Christian standards?  Many (most) European countries have strong Christian backgrounds, so she may be more religious than you!

At least take the time to get to know her, before you pass judgment (which is God's job anyway, not yours).  You may be pleasantly surprised!

Answer 9

Just because she comes from a country known for promiscuity, doesn't mean that she is the type to be promiscuous. I think you are jumping to conclusions and being very very judgemental of someone you've never met.

I suggest you allow your son to invite her over for dinner so you can meet her and get to know her better before you judge her so harshly.

I also think it's very wrong of you and kind of sad that you do not trust that your son has learned from the way you raised him. You need to trust him more. You're not giving him enough of the trust that he deserves, which is very unfair to him.

Are you wrong for wanting him to meet an American girl? No. Are you wrong for being so quick to judge and make accusations? Absolutely.

Give your son a chance, and get to know this girl before you judge her any further.

Answer 10

How old is older?  

If they are close in age, I would have the girl over for dinner and meet her . . . it is a bit prejudice to judge her when you have not gotten to know her and are judging her based on the country that she comes from . . .

From traveling outside the US, I can tell you that our teens have quite a reputation for promiscuity, STDs, rudeness and a high rate of teen pregnancy.  

It would be terrible to have your son judged on stereotypes!

Give her a chance before deciding.

Answer 11

Speaking as a European and a Christian, we are not promiscuous.

Where are you getting your information?!

Answer 12

OMG this is hilarious! I'm really curious which promiscuous country you mean! Do you mean Holland??

You think that because we have a more liberal view on things like prostitution and soft drugs all girls are hoes and junkies? I am from Holland and I am pretty positive I am less promiscuous than many of your "local American girls".

And by the way... a Swedish girl is completely different than a Spanish or Italian girl. They look different, they speak different, their culture i different. We all live in the European Union but there is no way you can point at someone and say "that is a typical European". There's just no such thing.

I know it happens the other way around aswell, and we hae certain views about Americans on this side of the ocean and  those prejudices probably don't apply to everyone either.

All you can do is see everyone as an individual and don't judge anyone before you get to know them... and certainly not by something odd as their nationality...

Prohibiting your son to see this girl will only make him more curious and if he really wants a s*x-bomb, he'll find one... Don't tie him down.

Answer 13

If you have instilled morals in your son, then you do need to have some level of trust with him and this other girl, otherwise he will do whatever he can to see her.  I would recommend that you compromise with him that you will let him see her, but that the dates be group dates, and public places, that you know where he is at all times, and that she is welcome in the house but under your rules, ie. no closed doors.  Remind him that he is a Christian and God sees everything that he is doing.  Remind him that having pre-marital s*x can lead to all sorts of problems in the future.  Remind him that you are looking out for him as your parent, and that you love him and do not want to see him get hurt. And if he does not agree to those terms then he cannot see her.  Lastly, our teens including my son went through a program at our church about Pre-marital s*x, and many of the kids signed pacts that stated they would wait until marriage.  See if your Youth pastor or your priest could do something like that.  Also not all American Girls are good, have you seen the questions on this about "teen pregnancy and my bf wants to have a baby at 12".

Answer 14

No as a parent you can want many things for him?  What is wrong is that you're behaving as a hypocrite.  He isn't offended by her being european..that's because you obviously raised him to be an open minded young man.  Now you're changing the rules on him.  

You need to trust him to do what's right.

Answer 15

This is a difficult one. As the parent you have the right to monitor who they are friends with. However, I personally think it sounds a little prejeducial. I think it is important for kids to be around people from different cultures. Just because she comes from a country known for promiscuity doesn't mean she is. You should have already talked to your son about s*x and what you expect. If he wants to see her outside of school he will find a way to do it anyway.

I think it is better if you just allow him to date her. It will keep your relationship with your son open and he may be more willing to talk to you about the personal stuff. Give her a chance you may learn a thing or two as well. Good luck!!!

Answer 16

If you think American girls have morals, you are WRONG WRONG WRONG. Check the STD and pregnancy and abortion stats by country.

Your thought isn't racist, it's prejudiced.

You could get to know the girl and then decide if she's a s**t or not. I would hope you have faith in your upbringing of your son and trust him to not do such things, but it doesn't sound like it.

Forbidding him to talk to her is a great way to get him obsessed with her and do something stupid.

Answer 17

WHAT THE h**l IS WRONG WITH US EUROS!

Edit: i take this as a personal insult as I am from England, part of the UK, which is part of Europe! AMERICAN girls are BIGGER s***s than UK girls are!

Edit: QUITE FRANKLY, I'M TEMPTED TO HUNT YOU DOWN AND BREAK YOUR NECK!

Answer 18

I don't know what kind of "American girls" you know but most of them are just as bad, if not more promiscuous as Euro girls. They just aren't as open about it.  Your son's right in a way. I do think that you're making a generalization about both kinds of girls. It's not fair to say because this country is "known for its promiscuity" she must be promiscuous! There's ALOT of things our country is "known for" That doesn't mean that we ALL are doing it!  

According to the most recent data from the U.S. government's Youth Risk Behavior Survey, one of every three American ninth graders has had intercourse. And that's not counting the millions of teens who have had oral s*x instead. That number increases drastically as the age/ grade goes up.

So you banning him from any contact is only going to make him want to rebel. You just have to trust that you did you job as a parent teaching him morals. Keep talking to him about your family's beliefs and keep an open mind.  Who knows, he could be a positive influence on her. Try to make your conversations productive by not attacking him.

Good Luck & God Bless!

Answer 19

sweet  heart your son can date an American girl who is a preaches daughter and still have s*x.  It is up to him and the girl not just her.  What you are doing in prejudice and you should stop  

Answer 20

You really should get to know her before you judge her, I mean, the women in my family are NOTORIOUS for being s***s around most of our city, yet I'm nothing like them.

You are being bigot, why not compromise and meet her??

Answer 21

Instead of assuming things about her, why not invite her to dinner and get to know her? She could be a very nice girl and could end up surprising you.