Am I wrong to think this and why do you guys think she's still doing this?

Question

My best friend is 24. She has a younger brother that's 10, turning 11 in a couple months. From the day I met her, she's always babying him. At the beginning, he was only 8 so I didn't think much of it but now he's almost 11 and I think this would effect him in the future. She still carries him and it's not even the playful kinda carry. She picks him up and cradles him and kisses him. Everyday, she'd sit him on her lap and cuddle with him. I've even seen her do baby talk with him. He once refused to eat dinner while we were babysitting him, so she pulled him on to her lap and fed him. I've talked to her about it but all she said was that he's never to old to spend time with his big sister. Isn't he a bit to old for this. Am I right to think this would have an effect on him in the future and I'm curious as to why you guys think she's still doing this?

Answer 1

wow thats very odd!

yeah at his age youd thank he would barly hugg her never the less  sitt on her lap and get fed... i would definatly talk to her STRONGLY about that and maybe show her how the other little  boys act when someone trys to pick them up and feed them and stuff! but i am totally not trying to affend or make ne one mad!

Answer 2

well I think that she should ease him off on the baby stuff. yeah, it is a little too old (although, embarrassing note, I was fed until I was 8 -.-, but that was because I never had the eating thing straight) but it seems as though he has grown too attached to that but, instead of cutting it off cold turkey she should stop doing that over a period of time until he learns to, well be a man (j/k) but just to mature a little. Maybe she's the motherly type, maybe she loves her brother a lot (what's his relationship with their mom? is there any special reason why she would want to do that?) Maybe it could create problems for the brother but it's never too late to begin changing that, maybe it won't affect him as much as we think.

Answer 3

Their relationship is very strange and unhealthy. Even if it seems to be just lovingly "babying" him. Their family is deeply disfunctional. She should get to a counselor and get to the root of what is really going on. He shouldn't even want any attention from her like that at his age.  

Answer 4

he is a bit old for this but its really none of your business i don't think he will have any problems later in life  

Answer 5

I really don't think that's normal

It may have been caused by some sort of trauma that could have happened in their family that caused her to become to attached to him.

Or in her state of mind she may think he needs this kind of treatment,  and who knows, for him not to be protesting it, then maybe he does need this.

But yes this can affect a child's behavior in the long run b/c when he enters middle and high school things aren't so "family friendly" anymore and he could take being made fun of (it happens to every at time to time) way to seriously and become intolerable.

Answer 6

Um.............. ya that's more than a bit weird. Maybe she just doesn't want him to grow up? Maybe she's just psycho? (Sorry, didn't mean that) But ya, that will DEFINITELY affect his future. It sounds like it already is, to me. I can ALMOST understand a parent doing stuff like that, but a sister? That just seems odd...... (Sorry for any offense, if taken)

Answer 7

I agree with you.  Her actions are to HER benefit, not her brothers.  

She is allowing her strong maternal instincts to take control.

She should be teaching him how to be more grown up and more independent.  She should be preparing him for the rest of his life to come.  He is too old to be nutruring like a baby.

Answer 8

Yeah, that sounds wierd.  This kid is going to have issues down the road if she doesn't stop.  Maybe she should get a pet. ;)

Answer 9

It's a really interesting question.  I think what she's doing is really wrong, troubling, and hurtful to her brother.  Just like what your instincts are telling you.  This is inappropriate boundaries on both sides really.  She should respect his need to be mature and take care of himself and act his age.  But more troubling is why this child doesn't fight his sister.  If a normal 11 year old is picked up by his sister and cuddled the sister should expect a punch to the jaw!  So either he is having problems developmentally or he can't or doesn't know how to stand up for himself.  

There is a possibility of abuse both by and to your friend.  How do the parents fit in to all this?  Is possible that she never learned to set these boundaries because no one respected hers.

I'm not sure what you can do here.  If you think it's abusive and not just quirky I think you are obligated to try to help this poor kid, but honestly I'm not sure how.  Maybe there is someone familiar with the situation that could guide you.  At the very least you should never sit by and watch it happen.  Tell your friend the truth when she behaves this way:  "that's gross and weird.  I'm leaving unless you stop treating him that way."  Try to do age appropriate activities with them like mini golf, go karts, etc.

Answer 10

One day its going to come back and haunt her. Soon he will become sexually aroused, if not already. Then what is she going to do. Give in to him in that too. She just might have a problem too. Maybe she wants that to continue even into the later stages to which I referred. It should cease and desist before it totally out of hand.