Am considering relinquishing for adoption. Adoptees, your feelings on open or closed?

Question

Am very physically disabled right now and am facing a terrible 30 year long domestic violence/stalking situation that only seems to get worse when I try to escape or involve police, (he's killed two people).

Answer 1

If at all possible, get yourself out of there and into a safe situation, and THEN make a decision on whether or not to place.  This man has already taken so much from you...do you really want to let him take your child, too?

I can't say with any authority which is better, I've only experienced being an adoptee in a closed adoption, but never knowing anything or being able to find out anything is horrible.  It's demeaning, it's painful, and nobody understands.

Open adoptions, however, are not legally enforceable, and you just never know if the people who adopt the child (promising openness) will up and cut you out of their lives at a later point.  You have no legal recourse if this happens.

Just some things to consider, but please, for your OWN sake, get away from this guy and get his @ss thrown in jail!

Answer 2

I am adopted and I thank the Lord (and my birth mother) every day for giving me a great life and a wonderful, loving family.  She was 19-years-old, and in a situation very similar to yours.  I think that it's incredibly responsible and loving that you are considering adoption.  I think you need to do what's best for the baby, so ask yourself - would you rather this poor, innocent child grow up scared in a violent home and/or a shelter, or would you rather the baby grow up in a loving, safe, warm environment with people that will love and care for him?

I know it's a difficult situation, but I think giving the baby up would be the best thing.  Good luck to you, Sweetie.  I'll be praying for you.

Answer 3

I'm not an adoptee but rather a birth mom.

Your situation sounds bad. I had a friend in a relationship like that. I actually had to give up contact with her 16 years ago. I was the last friend she had and I had just had my first child in 20 years. I was affraid for my childs safety.

I can understand your reasons for wanting to relinquish Just a few questions.



How do you feel about the ramifications that you are going to face after relinquishing your child?

Have you had any counseling in this area?

Does he know you are pregnant?

Is this his child?

How do you intend to hide your pregnancy from him?

You need to be very careful.

There are some situations where a shelter just isn't good enough. They arent equipped to go up against some of these men who roam the streets freely. Leaving town doesn't work either. They track you down and find you. They have big connections and long arms.

Consider lying through your teeth and getting into a drug rehab program that offers relocation.

Answer 4

I am adoped and love my parents!! I would recommend it to anyone.... especially now there are so many options when it comes to adoption.... there are even open adoptions when you can know your child!! But the first thing you need to do is get to safety.... go to a shelter .... probably better if it is not in your present community... Good Luck!!

Answer 5

Yes, give the baby up, and you get yourself to a women's shelter.

Why is he not in jail for murder?

Answer 6

You need to do what is best for you and your child.  Relinquishing a child is not easy but sometimes it is the very best thing a parent can do for their child.  I admire anyone that can put a child's needs and future before their own emotions and feelings.  I think you are about to make a very tough decision and what ever you decide needs to be what is best for your child's future.  Best wishes!!!

Have you talked to Social services to see if they could help out?  That might be a first step.

Answer 7

Get yourself AND baby to a womens' shelter

Answer 8

I congratulate you for wanting to make the best choice for your baby.  I think it is a special gift to be able to put the needs of your baby ahead of your own needs and do what is best for the baby.

Here is a link to some adoption information.  It is all totally free for the birth mom.

http://www.providentliving.org/ses/birth...

You can Call Toll Free at

1–800–537–2229

Best of luck to you and your baby.

Answer 9

You've got to get you and your child to a shelter.  The further the better.  Even though you have a disability, there are shelters available.  There are shelters that have services to help relocate women and children in your type of situation.

You're in a bad crisis right now, so you'd do yourself and your child well to hold off on the relinquishment decision until you are in a safe environment and have some time.

I don't know how it is that this man is not incarcerated at this time, since he's already killed people.

This sounds a little funky, but you may even consider legal name changes after you get some space and time between you and this man.

Answer 10

Consider a semi-open adoption. This will allow you an occasional letter and photo of your child without actual contact. However if the father of the child is the person with which you have had a long running violent relationship closed adoption would be best for the safety of the child. There are a wide variety of sites that offer services to expectant mothers, many can offer you a safe place to stay, even moving you out of state if necessary. Just type "adoption" into the yahoo search engine. No doubt you know should go to a women's shelter to keep both yourself and your unborn child safe, but I understand that is not always an option if you have pets or other children in your home. If you can find the strength do give the child up, there are a literally thousands of prospective parents who will provide your baby with a loving and safe home.