Am i Rude for breaking a family tradition and should i be punished?

Question

I just turned 25 this week, my entire life my aunt has a family get together in the summer with me, my sis, my cousins, their wives, kids...etc

We celebrate, open presents and exchange for 7 different people whos birthdays fall between July-October, The cake is for 7 people,, they sing happy birthday to chris, julie, alex, lucy, mike, steve. jeff

then all 7 people blow it out, then they open, exchange presents..

Then on my own birthday actual day-- i have no party, nothing..It always made me feel unspecial, like why am i celebrating my brithday when its not my birthday and with 6 other people?

I think its stupid, my aunt should of just had a regular family get together..My cousins who are their sons still go and their in their 40s, I said 2 years ago that i feel this is very childish, Im 23 and i dont want to do it anymore,

My aunt was outraged, ever since no one calls , sends a card, or a present for my bday. I dont mind not sending a present but they dont call and they used to every year for 22 years.

So was i rude and is it right for them to punish me by never mentioning my bday again?

Answer 1

You have the right to celebrate your special day the way you want to.

Answer 2

Wow, can I relate!

My family also had SO many ridiculous traditions that I never enjoyed. And they all were part of it because of some obligation to history - or some sense of ritual/superstition. I finally stopped participating in the inane ones when I was about your age. Sure, everyone whispered about how much of a rebel I was! But, in the end, it allowed everyone to rethink obligations and start new ones that were much more fun.

We used to all sit around a picnic table on Memorial Day looking like we'd rather have a root canal. Now, I host a party for friends and go to a park, etc. Turns out my family would rather be part of that then the old boring habits!

And you know what else? I don't feel the least bit obligated to repeat the good times... now, I try to find even better things that I want to do.

It only takes one brave soul to move the family forward. Good for you. Stay strong and plan FUN for YOU on your birthday. You will be shocked how many people would rather be having fun that sitting around dredging up the same old family stories and gossip.

Answer 3

No you are not rude, and no you should not be punished.

I think it's fine to have a joint combined birthday thing for family birthdays that are within a few days of each other, but not everyone spanning 6 months.  That's odd.

Your day of birth is your special day, and that's the day you, and your family, should celebrate.

Now that said, my aunts and cousins don't celebrate birthdays much with me since we all live far apart.  The big celebrations would be with your own parents, grandparents, and siblings.

Answer 4

nope, i don't think so..life goes on,..don't worry about traditions especially if u don't care for them.

Answer 5

I suppose you have a right to your feelings.  Do your friends celebrate your birthday?  How about your immediate family, your mom and dad?  Do they have a three month birthday party for you and others born around you?  There's nothing wrong with wanting your birthday to be special for you.  But, I don't know many people who get presents from their extended family anyway.  As long as your mom and dad and sisters/brothers are getting you something, that's all that matters.

Answer 6

I think most traditions force people to do want others want them to do.  The only way a "tradition" has any value is if it is voluntary and fun.  I remember fondly the Christmas when I stopped making the traditional "Christmas Bread".  I never even liked it but felt I had to make it.  A huge burden was lifted when I stopped doing it and  now, before I do anything "traditional",  I always ask myself if I really want to do it.  Life is short, don't waste it with people that punish you for expressing yourself.  You don't have to be genetically related to the people you want to call family. By the way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRAVE ONE!

Answer 7

You shouldn't be punished.  That is very silly of your aunt to have this tradition in the first place.  OK.  If the kids are all under the age of 10, that's one thing.  You are all grown adults.  I'm surprised you put up with it for as long as you have.  

As for not calling you or giving you a card, really immature on their part.  Did you explain to them that you don't feel special during these get-togethers?  Do they understand the point of you feeling silly?

Answer 8

No...you should be able to do what you want