Am i a bad mum? im so ashamed of what happened today!?

Question

i was in a shop today talking to a member of staff and my two-year-old was looking at thomas he tank engine toys right beside me, i took my eyes off him for literally five seconds and the man i was talking to saw him running out of the shop, he ran after him and grabbed him just before he went into the road. it was honestly the scariest moment of my life! i raised my voice at him slightly as i was so scared and angry at myself! i shouldnt have taken it out on him, i have never raised my voice at him before and feel so ashamed of myself i was so thankful for the man who got him for me and told him so before rushing out of the shop with embaressment! if it wasnt for that man i dont no what would have happened. was this my fault? i feel so bad about it, i cant stop thinking about it and how the people wh were in the shop at the time must think what a bad moher i am! what can i do to avoid something like this happeneing again? i feel like such a failiure, being a young mum people look down on me and make snide comments anyway but i have never done anyhing like this before, i feel so ashamed :'[

Answer 1

Mums aren't superheroes, and they can't be expected to watch over their children every single second of every single day. You obviously aren't a bad mother because of how you feel about the situation. However, perhaps purchase some reigns for your child? Or hold onto it's hand so you don't have to watch it every second and know that it's there.

You're only a bad mother if you don't learn from this one incident!

:]

Answer 2

>Am i a bad mum? im so ashamed of what happened today!?

Ashamed of what??

>1. i was in a shop today talking to a member of staff

>2. my two-year-old was looking at thomas he tank engine toys right beside me,

>3. i took my eyes off him for literally five seconds

>4. him running out of the shop,

>5. i raised my voice at him slightly

Shouldn't be always yelling at a child; but raising your voice occasionally is quite NORMAL, and so is raising your hand, and bringing it down on his little backside .... within reason, of course.

>6. i shouldnt have taken it out on him,

Shouldn't have taken WHAT out on him? Wasn't he the one who had been told to stay near mommy? Wasn't he the one who ran out of the store and towards the road?

>7. i have never raised my voice at him before

There usually is a "first time". Perhaps you were frightened at the thought of him running out into a busy street? What's wrong with him sensing your alarm? And maybe even feeling it?

>8. rushing out of the shop with embaressment!

Embarrassment? Perhaps for rushing out of the shop like you did.

>if it wasnt for that man i dont no what would have happened.

>was this my fault?

Well, yes if you didn't know what to expect from someone in the "terrible two's".

>i feel so bad about it, i cant stop thinking about it and how the people wh were in the shop at the time must think what a bad moher i am!

being a "bad mother". Well, many of the people might think that, but don't have such a "thin skin", if possible.  Some likely think you should have whacked his butt; if you had, then the others would think you shouldn't.

In retorspect, maybe you should have done things differently. That is part of "learning", especially with the "first child". Maybe you should haven't let him walk around in the shop? Maybe he should have been in a shopping cart? Or maybe on a child's "leash"? Many possibilities, in retrospect. Just be thankful for the alert clerk, who probably has seen similar happen many times before. And maybe has children of his own.

>what can i do to avoid something like this happeneing again?

Think of the possible measures you could take. Maybe get together, "coffee-time or other" with other young mothers and especially other first-time mothers. Learn that you are not alone.

>i feel like such a failiure, being a young mum

Someone seems to be giving you an inferiority complex. Or maybe you are very young young mom?

>people look down on me and make snide comments anyway

That is impolite of them ... but maybe after you calm down those times, try to figure out what they comments really were about and whether there was any validity in them.

>but i have never done anyhing like this before, i feel so ashamed :'

Never done anything like that before?  Done what before? Raised your voice a little bit to him? That seemed to be the focus of what you posted!!!  At least you didn't SCREAM at him!!!

And decide that you will learn from it and be better prepared for "next time", though likely "next time" will be a different situation.

Restrain him when necessary. Train him to "stay" when you tell him to stay put. And when he understands but doesn't obey, then let him learn one of the reasons you have a hand at the end of your arm ... for giving him a "pop" on his butt.

.

Answer 3

Your reaction to the incident proves that you are not a bad mom at all. A two year old can be quite a handful and you HAVE TO raise your voice and even spank him sometimes to discipline him. Remember you need to teach your kid what is right and wrong, what is harmful and what is not. Don't care too much on what others think of you and your parenting. You are born with a mother instinct, use it  

Answer 4

This does not in anyway make you a bad mother!

Instead look at the positives that have come out on this, You've learned something. Next time you'll be more keened to keeping a closer eye on your son.

  All parents have made mistakes and will make mistakes. It's what you will learn from your mistakes is key.

Answer 5

It happens to us all.

You're reaction to this alone shows that you are a good mum.

It's all trial and error.

Get a baby lead!  :)

Answer 6

These things happen.  Do you know the saying "it takes a village to raise a child"?  so true.

A week ago, me, my son (7) and his dad went swimming.  We let our son get in the pool as soon as he was ready.  Before I got in the pool with him, he had swam out too deep and a woman had to "save" him.  I was just seconds away from getting in the pool, but this all happened so quick!

Answer 7

Hi.  I am hearing a lot of insecurity from you.  I'd rather say you are an insecure Mom.  I don't know to me there is nothing wrong with correcting your child over something that can hurt him/her.  You can paddle your child a good three swats for running out in front of cars.  They need to associate that with pain.  It also sounds like you are being run down by  persons around you, or you did not grow up with a secure since of who you are.  I think you need to join a good faith based church, and find a great counselor to build yourself up in faith and confidence.  That little one will know they can intimidate you if you don't.  You don't want that.  In fact your own child needs to know you are secure in yourself.

No based on this information you are not a bad parent.  It is a wake up call.  You need a plan.  I think you'll like how it all works out for you.

Answer 8

no you are not a bad mom. these things happen, now if it did happen and you didn't care. then i would say you were a bad parent. no parent is the perfect parent. wish i was. don't worry about it anymore..kids will be kids.  

Answer 9

Hey, I agree with everyone above and also with those who say you need to raise your confidence a bit as you haven't done anything wrong and need to be confident in your abilities!  

Also, to be a good mum you are gonna have to raise your voice to your kid when they are bad - how else are you going to teach him right and wrong? You will need some sort of discipline - some people spank on the bottom in really bad situations (like that one), others have "naughty corners" if they don't like spanking - you need to figure something out as you are gonna have to do the disciplining thing A LOT if he is to grow up into a level headed, sensible and not spoilt young man.

To help your confidence perhaps you could join a parent and toddler group to mix with more mums - there might even be one specifically for young mums in your area.  Buy some parenting books off of amazon too.  

You are doing a great job, don't beat yourself up about this, these things happen to every mum.  

Answer 10

no your not a bad mom your just human and your reaction to the situation was totally normal.  You just take this as a lesson learned so you have to remember that at that age it's extremely easy for a child to dip off without notice so you shouldn't let them out of your site, but just be thankful that the man was there by the grace of God and don't eat yourself up about it b/c you have many years left to learn from the mistakes you make as a parent.

Answer 11

You raised your voice at him?  I would have done something more memorable so that he wouldn't have NEVER even thought to have done that again!

I would spank for:

handling an electrical outlet/ babyproofed or not

running out into a parking lot

running away from me in public

ANYTHING that endangered his safety

You'd better handle it now or you will be one of those moms with their kids running wild in public all the while talking back to their parents....

The people at the shop where probably thinking the same thing!

You sound like a good carin gmom

Answer 12

Welcome to the world of parenthood and toddlers.  You are definitely not the first mum to do this and you definitely won't be the last.  Any mum who tells you she has never lost contact with her child...EVER...is lying to you.  We have all done it.  Don't beat yourself up.  I'm suprised you only raised your voice slightly, most tend to yell and then burst into tears while smothering the poor child with a bear hug.  Thank goodness that there was someone else there, and the man who grabbed him for you was probably either thinking about the time his child did it or thinking about the time he did it to his parent.  

Stop beating yourself up over it.  Your age doesn't matter in this regard.  You weren't sitting around having a beer or smoking a joint.  You didn't leave the little guy teathered to a pole while you went to play the slots nor did you leave him in a boiling hot car so you could run into the grocery store.  Much bigger parenting issues there.

You just learned the valuble lesson that toddlers will escape any chance they get.  It's the time for them to explore and push the rules (and buttons) of mum.

I used a body harness and lead on my daughter.  Meant that she could walk comfortably, had about a six foot lead in any direction, never had to keep her arm in the air because I was holding her hand and I didn't lose her.  I started using it, because like you, the little brat got up and went with gusto!  Hid in the clothing racks in a storte!

You are parenting fine,

You are not a failure,

Don't be ashamed of yourself because you have no reason to be.

Not your fault.

You will learn the lesson he has taught you and life will move on at that good old hectic toddler pace!

All the best to you!!!

Answer 13

I think your reaction is understandable. the fact that you are concerned is evidence that you are right. to anyone that chastised me I always believed I did the best I could. And  you gotta have to be there at the the time to understand. To anyone vocal enough to  cross me my reply usually was to ask them where they got their book of instructions. My manual didn't come with the baby.