Am i an awful person-do i deserve this?

Question

i've been with my bf for a year and 4 mons. a year ago i cheated on him but not s*x or anything just kissing with another guy(kissing is a big deal in our religion it's a bad thing)he was gonna dump me he got so hurt and started to cry when i told him the truth.and i told him that i'll never do it again that moment i realized that i loved him.so i've been trying to make it up for him for an entire year and when i ask him about it he says that he forgot about it and he forgives me.but one time a couple of mons ago we had a fight and he went crazy and dumped me i asked him why and he said it's because i cheated on him.if it hurt him that much why didn't he dump in the same time instead of doing it a year later.that would have been easier don't u think?so we broke up a week later he called all happy and said he had something important to tell me he said that he beated up the guy i cheated on him with and said that he loves me and wants me back but i said no because i knew he won't forget about it.so he went like no i want u and followed me every where i go begging me to take him back till i said yes.and now yesterday the same thing happened.we didn't break up but he was like if u don't treat me right i'll dump u and u don't respect me.i love him so much and i know he loves me too.but the question is can our relationship work?can he forgive me?should i dump him?what should i do?

please please no rude comments i feel bad already.i want serious answers.thank u.

i know i asked this question before but i only got 2 answers.please only serious answers.

Answer 1

hey!! maybe, sit down and talk about it.. it will be a hard subject to talk bout but if its going to help your u and ur bf......  if he knows u love him and u kno u love him and he loves u bk.. then it obviously worth fighting for!!! every reliationship has its ups and downs

one thing u gotta do is always remeber to tell the truth (it may be hard but its betta than lying) and neva eva think am i worth it cuz u r!!!

i dont kno u but from what it sounds u a lovely person!!

dont give up

he quite clearly wants u and u want him!!

good luck

xox

Answer 2

Yes you're an awful person, yes you deserve it.

Will it work, possibly, can he forgive you, if he's an idiot yes, will he ever forget, absolutely not.

Answer 3

I'm assuming your younger and replying based off of my younger days.  I kissed someone else when I was dating someone, but you probably don't want to hear my outcome :)  I realized that I was unhappy in my relationship for some reason to make me do this.  Fast forward 4 years later, and I am now living with the "kiss person" and happy.  I've never been tempted to do anything else and we have had a drama-free relationship.

Anyway...After reading, here are the questions I would ask you:

1.  Why did you cheat to begin with?  Were you physically attracted to someone else?  If so, that's normal.  It's a slip-up.  If this person was someone you have known or were friends with, it most likely signifies a deeper disconnect with your boyfriend.

2.  What your cheating did with your relationship is give your boyfriend a "get out of jail free" card.  I've noticed in my relationships that men will say they forgive something and act like it...as long as everything is going great.  When a fight comes up, they will take that card out and play it in order to "win."

3.  When he took his anger out on the person you cheated with, that is his way of tipping the scales back in his favor.  He couldn't take it out on you.  He had already broken up with you.  He is desperately trying to get control of the situation, and that was the best (albeit stupid) solution he could come up with.

4.  Since he has now "balanced the scales" in his mind, he now has control and wants you back.

I can almost guarantee you that this will come back again.  It sounds like your boyfriend will not be able to get over this.  He will play this card over and over again, attempting to get control.  This is immature, and he hasn't learned the art of true forgiveness.  He is saying what you want to hear, but not really believing it.

My suggestion would be to move on.  It's not the easiest solution in the short run, but you will end up a lot better in the long run.  Trust me...I did!

Answer 4

The hardest form of giving is forgiving. It definitely takes time. So give it time.  

Answer 5

once a cheat always a cheat.i do not know any man that forgave and forgot.the first thing we do is even the score and cheat back. maybe he can't find anyone else and is desperate, something is better than nothing so he will accept you. you will both be miserable.

Answer 6

i think that your relationship will never work out. You both may care for each other, but the trust bond was broken and he will always remember the pain of knowing what happened. It sounds like he wants to get past it, but can't. I would talk with him and bring the relationship to an end so that you both can move on, get some healthy time apart and find new relationships, and just remember not to do that again.