Am i being selfish and over reacting??

Question

I love my Mother so much and am very very close to her so please dont take this as me hating her....i have a 10 month old daughter and 10 nieces....my mother used to babysit my nieces ALL the time i remember when i was a teenager we always had the girls (my brothers and sister are 8, 10 and 12 years older than me). Now i know my mother loves my daughter very much but even though every time we go there (once a week or so) she says "i should have her over night soon, i love having her over night" she very rarely does and when she does she wants me to drop her off around tea time and pick her up just after breakfast. Im not complaining that she doesnt have her for MY benefit but i worry she doesnt really WANT to have my daughter. Ok so the other things that factor in on this are that my Mother is 60 tomorrow and still works full time so i think that may be why she says she wants her but then when it comes to it she is to tired?????? As well as the fact that my 2 brothers and 1 sister....

Answer 1

She might be worried that she's not a good enough grandma to your daughter.

Answer 2

She likes being needed. And noone is more needy than a child. If she didn't want the little girl with her, she wouldn't ask. Don't worry, she and the child can have plenty of quality time in just a few hours.

Answer 3

She's probably just tired.  My mom is over 60 and works full time and my kids tire her out terribly so I don't really ask her to take them much.  From what you say she was a bit younger when your nieces and nephews were babies.  She could just be slowing down a bit, I wouldn't take it personally.  She's probably just worn out from working all day long.

Answer 4

My mother in law has nine grandchildren and one last one on the way (mine, lol), anyway she is about 50 (ish) and still works full time and has the kids Wednesday after work and Thursday (she finishes early) from 1pm till about 5pm. I know that when she returns the kids (which she also doesn't have any more than 5 at a time maximum) home I can guarantee that she goes home and has a meagre tea (too tired) and promptly hops into bed as the kids take it out of her.

Your Mum wouldn't offer to have your daughter if she didn't want to, but she is 60 and a 10 month old all day and night...............well you should know, even if your daughter is the bestest behaved baby in the whole wide world they really take some energy. Your mum is still working full time too. My guess is that your mum wants to have charleigh over night but as you said, she still works full time and is tired when she gets home, try not to read too much into it, why don't you just take her over there for a short visit more often than once a week?? Offer to have them over for tea, or invite them for a pancake breakfast with Charleigh..............maybe once a week visit isn't enough incentive to think about having Charleigh overnight??

My mum sees my kids once a year around Christmas, granted she lives in WA and I live in SA, but my kids at least have my MIL, still not the same.

Answer 5

I think she may be just be getting old. My MIL acts as though she wants the children over night, but in the morning when I get them- she is pooped. Totally worn out.

With my mother, though, she has favorites. mine happen to be her faves and this has caused issues with the family. She defends my kids if they get in trouble, wants them at her house whenever she can and buys them c**p constantly. She acts like she is busy with my nieces. It really irritates me, badly.

If you think your mom is picking faves, there isn't a lot you can do about it. We have tried for years. I'm not sure what makes people pick faves, but I suspect it's the children that are *amused* by them the most.

You're not being selfish. I'm SURE she loves your child.. it could be a number of things and the best thing to do, is to try not to let it get to you.

Answer 6

I think it's a bit of both: tiredness & family tension.

We don't have the luxury of over night care, for our boys. We live at the opposite end of the State, so it's so much hassle to even consider it.

When I had Ryan & Cody, there was so much niggling going on with my In-Laws. We had to go down South, because of medical issues. We were originally staying with my Grandparents, but after we had the run in with the woman who gave birth to me, we went and stayed with them.

My Sisters In-Law ALL carried on and went on and on. They are so b!tchy & carry on like a bunch of hormonal teenagers.

They all use their parents as a Day care centre, and were p!ssed of at Andrew & I for living there. Apparently our then 2 toddlers were taking up too much of their parents time.

That had me annoyed for the fact, we don't get to see the In-Laws that much.

Even when they come and stay with us, it's so much niggling from their kids. I have to wonder, how Andrew is related to his sisters.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. When Charleigh gets older, it will become easier for them. Now my elder boys are almost 3 & 4 my Grandparents are forever wanting them now. Apparently it's easier to watch toddlers than babies - I beg to differ. lol!!

I don't think age really comes into play. My Grandmother, is in her mid 60's and she is super active and together. She has more energy than my Sisters In-Law.

Answer 7

I'm guessing your mum is just over the whole baby thing. This doesn't mean she doesn't love or want her grand daughter; she is 60 and most likely just doesn't have the energy to care for a 10mth old.

Answer 8

Is there some sort of contest between your daughter and your nieces as to who stays at your mother's house the most?

And why should your daughter spend nights over at grandma's anyway?  I mean, it's nice and all, but why is it a requirement?

Your mother is probably tired and takes your daughter as often as she can handle her.  I think it a bit selfish of you to expect your mother to care for her overnight more often when your mother works full time.

Gosh.  No one ever took my kids overnight at all, and I certainly wouldn't expect them to either.

Answer 9

it is quite possible that if she is almost 60 and working full time she is just really tired. Do your 1/2 siblings resent you that your mum would be needing to keep the peace? It might be worth having a chat to her. Let her know you are not accusing but you want to understand why.

Answer 10

She's older now than she was when your bros and sis' started having kids and probably just doesn't have as much energy! I think you may be reading too far into to it with the whole jealousy thing. Also when your bros and sis' were having kids...she had a helper (you)! Now she doesn't.

Being as tho you are close, I would go ahead and ask. Just make sure you think it over really good before you open your mouth and the wrong thing comes out!